All recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
This chapter has been beta'd by the ever amazing: Strae
The following morning, I woke up in good spirits. I was rested, though not well, but the comforts of a bed were enough to keep me happy. After a whispered conversation with Bella over breakfast, I sought my father to discuss the plan Bella and I had made for marriage, which was still wholeheartedly in affect.
Much to my surprise, he was excited for the news, even unsurprised and knowing as he nodded. He told me he was happy for me, then offered to build us a house as a wedding gift, without a mention of such a thing from me. I began to wonder if he was as happy as he appeared or if he was just trying to get us out of the house to add a new houseguest.
Jasper and Alice had been attached at the hip since she started school. He followed her like a lost puppy, his eyes wide and his face dirty as he latched on to every word that came out of her mouth. Jasper was quiet. Too quiet, I thought. He frightened me with his oddness.
I thought him bad company for Alice to keep, but my parents encouraged Alice's relationship with him. He seemed very much a bad influence on her, to me. At best, he was rough around the edges. I feared Alice was going to get in deeper than she could handle. He was bad news. He was…bad. For her and in general.
Jasper's father was the town drunk, James, and no one knew of his mother. Maria, who worked at the Inn Jasper's father frequently spent the night in if he could afford it, or in front of if he lacked the money, was unusually attached to the boy. I'd seen her with Jasper before and I couldn't decide if she was a mother figure or something wholly inappropriate to him. She was clearly a prostitute in the way she dressed and spoke, and Alice being in the company of prostitutes and boys who were possibly with prostitutes rattled my cage.
Father and Mother were aware of Jasper's problems, his history, his…general oddness, but they remained fond of him. On an almost nightly routine, Jasper was over for dinner. He really was the lost puppy, or stray mutt, and I seemed to be the only one who wanted to kick him away rather than give him leftovers. I could only slightly see where Carlisle and Esme were coming from by allowing the relationship. They were both loving individuals, father with his compassion and mother with her mothering instincts – Jasper was needy. But I would assume that Alice would come first. Sure, Alice needed someone her own age, but she could have found someone better than Jasper.
Quite possibly the most annoying and aggravating thing about the situation was that I was the one on babysitting duty, and the fact that I couldn't complain about it, because I saw the logic. I knew what Bella and I would be doing if we were alone, therefore I knew what Jasper and Alice would be doing if they were alone together. I saw the way he looked at her, the way he watched her, and it frightened me. He looked at Alice the way I looked at Bella, only with less love.
So I kept close tabs, following them around. The only perk was that Bella was always with me. The four of us were an oddity together in the town. Jasper couldn't step left without me following his move, ready to attack him the second he made a mistake. He knew better than to speak to me, he never had. He sensed my hatred, I didn't try to hide it. He would occasionally wave to Bella or speak to her in a low whisper, but he never approached her. Again, he knew better.
Alice seemed to be the only one he ever spoke with freely. Interactions that I witnessed between him and his father seemed heated, and the exchanges with Maria were the same way. The first time I'd witnessed them together, I'd been caught somewhere between pointing Alice to the scene before me and shielding her from it. It was the first night Jasper had joined us for dinner. Alice was facing away from Jasper and Maria as she exclaimed her excitement to us. I was paying little attention to her, too caught up in the way that Jasper and Maria interacted.
I flinched when she reached forward and seemed to palm him through his pants, very obviously grabbing his penis. Bella gasped quietly and jumped too, obviously witnessing the same thing I was. They were speaking angrily at each other, though I couldn't hear their words, I could see their tensed bodies. Jasper's hands were fisted at his sides and Marie continued to hold onto Jasper by his man…boyhood, her other hand flailing when she emphasized words.
I'd stopped Alice from turning around unconsciously, drawing her deeper into conversation about how Jasper did in school and other nonsense I didn't care about. I told myself that I was protecting Alice, worried she'd get hurt by what was happening behind her back. It probably would have been good for her, she was far too naïve, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt her.
I still was undecided about Maria; she could have been a mother figure telling her boy to keep it in his pants or she could have been a lover, scorned by his interest in a new, younger girl. When Jasper had finally pulled away, he looked even more like that sad, lost puppy than before. I had no doubt she'd belittled him in someway. It was the one and only time Jasper attempted to look at me. He tried to give me an apologetic, appreciative look, but he felt the hard glare I was giving him before even meeting my eyes and quickly changed his mind. If looks could kill, I would hope my look could have made him explode into a million pieces.
I loathed the disgrace of a male further each day, if that were even possible. He was corrupting Alice in all her naïve ways and I was expected to sit back and keep my mouth shut about it. I was never alone with Bella anymore because of Alice. If I wasn't busy making sure Jasper kept his filthy paws off my sister, Alice had Bella holed up somewhere for "girl talk." It was utterly frustrating. Alice even spited me by leaving me alone with Jasper a time or two. Awkward silence and disgruntled movements were the high point of our time together.
The sad fact was that I couldn't completely hate the entire situation, because my Bella's virtue was now an importance to me. My father was right to keep us apart while we were unmarried. Bella was far too stunning in too many ways for me to have much of any control when we were alone. Not to mention her always burning curiosity and ever brave ways. During the abrupt unplanned moments were did end up alone together, we usually started tongue wars with each other that the person walking in both witnessed and had to mediate.
Alice was the most virtuous of us all, in my opinion, and she kept me on my toes. I was expecting every bend to be Jasper's last. Them being out of my sight for a second made my pulse race with anxiety but the most I had caught them doing was holding hands, and I had watched Alice initiate that and seen Jasper blush and smile shyly. I didn't believe the ruse one bit though. I believed he had every intention of taking advantage of her when the time presented itself. Alice was young, sweet, naïve, and quite possibly in love. Despite the way Jasper looked at her, he never even placed a finger on her. But when Alice thought I was being too nosy, she'd do something wild, and I couldn't keep up with her games. I'd never back down either.
Then the night came when I broke, and not in the way Alice wanted me to.
No one had invited him, but James showed up for supper nonetheless. No one wanted him there, even Jasper who looked down at his plate with distaste and what looked like guilt. His father slurred drunkenly the entire meal, using profane language and regarding everything with vulgarity. He touched my mother's leg for a lengthily inappropriate amount of time, he continuously commented about Rose's swollen, milk filled breasts, and then he started to get violent with Jasper who was begging him to stop and leave.
A new teapot, filled with steaming hot beverages was hurled by him across the room at Jasper, who narrowly missed being smashed in the head with it, in his haste to push Alice out of the way. The glass shattered everywhere and the hot liquid steamed against the wall.
James cursed at his son and after a moment of frozen shock, I lurched up. This man was dead meat. He could have killed my sister. He stood and stumbled his way towards me, antagonizing me with words and then he commented on Bella. Everyone shouted for him to leave, to get out, and my lips were curled back in revulsion at his smell. His quickness surprised me as he grabbed around me and pulled Bella to him.
The moment he had her in his arms, I saw red and I could hear a loud buzzing that sounded oddly like my name as I pulled my fist back and slammed it square against the pig's face. His hands let go of Bella as he reached for his nose and I pulled her quickly behind me, advancing on the man again. He backed up, holding his bloody nose and my father came between us as I made to hit him again when I had him cornered. My father grabbed the man and tossed him out our door, telling him he was never welcome back.
I marched across the room and grabbed Jasper by his shirt collar as he doted over my little sister. I kicked him out our door too, only to get yelled at by my father. My father tried to bring him back in, but Jasper refused. That night, Alice and I fought badly for the first time ever, and she slept in my room because I refused to leave Bella alone while Alice refused to be in the same room as me.
I was reprimanded for my actions, all of them. Violence solved nothing. It wasn't Jasper's fault. I wasn't allowed to be alone with Bella. I honestly didn't care. Violence did solve something, the urge to hit someone who was being ridiculous. Yes, it was Jasper's fault, he brought the man to our family by existing. And Bella could not be alone after being attacked, I wouldn't allow it.
The next time we saw Jasper, he was beat up and everyone hated me even more than they already did. I'd take the fault, since no one else was man enough. Not Jasper for being a wuss, not James for being a bastard, not Maria for whatever the hell she was. I took the blame for Jasper being battered because somehow, I was the bad guy in the whole situation.
I vented to Bella about it, and she comforted me. She still loved me, while everyone else was busy send me glares. So that day, when Jasper and Alice left, I didn't follow them. When Alice came home crying, I was again the one to take the fall.
Alice and Jasper ran into James, who started harassing Alice. He tried to lunge at her and Jasper stopped him and told Alice to run, so she had. Straight home. My father and I ran for the location where James had last been with Jasper.
He was bloodied and battered and I admittedly had never felt so guilty in my life. My father left me with Jasper when he went to the Police to report James, again. I felt so guilty that I bent down and I picked the kid up. He was hurt, bad. He was responding, but he was in a lot of pain.
Despite his size – two years younger than me and nearly as tall – I carried him home. My father caught up to us at a jog and gave me a nod of approval as he ran ahead to get a cot ready. I told Jasper I was sorry, and I meant it. I thanked him for protecting Alice when I didn't. And through a bloody mouth, he spoke to me for the first time.
"Don't worry about it, Edward," was all he said.
Regardless of everything I'd previously held against him, I found myself unable to hate him anymore. He loved Alice too. So much that he was unwilling to hold a grudge against me. If he could do that, so could I.
I aided my father that night in Jasper's medical care, helping clean and dress his wounds. I apologized to Alice for everything I'd said and done that was wrong by either of them. She didn't forgive me right away, but I was patient. The next morning she had a big hug for me, and even a thank you.
All felt much more right when I wasn't angry with Alice.
The town had quickly become curious about us. We'd had many inquiries upon arriving, but the longer we were there, the more we were questioned. My father's medical hospital was very popular and he was usually busy all through the day attending to patients.
I found myself down there much more often that I'd expected to be. Perhaps it was the fact that I was never separate from Bella who very much enjoyed working in the hospital. She was good with the patients and liked to help when she could. I was good at remembering the big terms of medical conditions and treatment plans, and thoroughly enjoyed every moment with Bella. My father didn't seem to mind us being there, as long as we were sanitary and respectful.
Emmett had become popularly known around town too. Upon the erection of my and Bella's house, Emmett had decided to help, where he was discovered to have unnaturally precise hammering skills. Coupled along with his stocky, strong build, he made an excellent carpenter. Rosalie sometimes spent her days at home, sometimes with us, and other times down at the barber shop where she enjoyed cutting hair. She was also the outgoing type that made friends easily and would spend time gossiping while washing clothes on someone's front porch.
Jasper stayed in the hospital night after night, and although he could have left, he didn't, which my father agreed was best. No one came looking for him. I still saw James stumbling drunkly around town and the one time I'd seen Maria since the incident, she gave me a numb, emotionless stare. She confused me further. I began to just accept the fact that she'd been some type of motherly lover to him, playing both roles. She was both happy and saddened by his departure.
Jasper and Alice mostly spent their days inside or on the porch now. Almost everyone who left the house did so in pairs, especially the women, always accompanied into town by a man. Everyone avoided going outside of the yard at night and mostly, it was accepted as a fact of life. Sometimes it was bothersome to have a nuisance that seemed to rule your every move.
When the sun shone, the four of us went on our old routine trek around town. It wasn't the same old routine though. Now all four of us walked together, I didn't trail behind watching Jasper's movements nor mimic them and we all chatted together.
I found myself actually liking Jasper when I allowed myself to get to know him. He was witty and cunning, but the thought didn't frighten me anymore. He had proved himself to me. He was still being platonic with my sister. She kissed him on the lips on occasion and he still turned red and smiled shyly every time she did.
Jasper, Alice, and Bella were all having some conversation that I hadn't joined in on as I was too busy trying to remember the list of items my father had told me to order from the store. I very gently extracted my fingers from Bella's as we approached my desired location. She gave me a questioning stare and I smiled reassuringly as I pointed the store and made a hand motion for her to keep an eye on Jasper and Alice. She smiled and nodded.
It took quite some time in the store, old Mr. Caius just wasn't at the age of fitness for running a store anymore. It first took him half a century to find ink then I'd had to repeat the list slowly twenty times to make sure everything was there. He wouldn't let me write it myself, and I practically had to spell each word out for him. I left the store exasperated and started scanning for my Bella and the other two. I didn't spot a one of them.
I slowly walked further down, looking between buildings then I rounded back behind a row where I ran into Jasper and Alice. I sighed. The two of them were being utterly disgusting though. They were kissing with these chaste butterfly kisses and stupid smiles and it made me sick to my stomach, and miss my Bella even more. Bella who was still no where in sight.
I cleared my throat awkwardly. "Uh, sorry to, um, interrupt, but where's Bella?"
Alice looked at me half-heartedly over her shoulder. "She's with you."
I gave her an incredulous glare. "Obviously not, Alice, since I'm alone and I left her with you."
Unease settled into the pit of my stomach and my pulse quickened. For the length of time it took me in the store, it was already getting dark. Twilight.
Alice joined me in searching as far as our eyes could see, but there was no one. I met Jasper's gaze with a panicked expression.
"Alice," he said calmly, "run home. Do not stop, just run." He grabbed her shoulders, and leaned in for the first time that I'd ever seen to kiss her. "Whatever you do, don't slow down. Let Carlisle know that it's probably nothing, but we can't find Bella."
Alice's eyes squinted and I saw the tears start to pool. "Go!" Jasper said. She did. Alice could run much faster these days, not quite as fast as me, but I was not going home without Bella.
I pushed off the ground sharply with my right foot, pivoting towards the first place I could think of. Bella loved the market and I prayed I'd find her there. But the market was empty, ominously so. Dread settled hard into my stomach and my body ached with fear as I again pivoted and went to the second place I could think of. Jasper had already been there, he was coming out the doors of the Inn his father frequented shaking his head.
"Neither of them are there, I checked."
I trusted Jasper so I started blindly running, calling out her name. I don't know why, but I started heading for the forest. It was thick with trees, dark, and once I went in, I'd probably never find my way out again, but something told me she was there. That same something was telling me she wasn't okay.
My chest was tight and I could hardly breathe but I ran hard and fast, dodging trees and following whatever instinct pulled me. It was like I could feel her out there, needing me. I ran harder yet and heard nothing but my own voice screaming her name.
I nearly ran past it, but my insides screamed stop, then I registered the crumpled heap on the floor of the forest. I skidded to a halt and tears sprang to my eyes as I whimpered, "No."
Between the heavy trees, the bright white moon shone through slightly. Although it was still impossibly dark, I could see clothing that I tried to ignore as being familiar. I could see pale skin that I didn't want to believe I knew. A halo of darkness was around the head like a crown and I refused to compare it to the way Bella's hair fanned out across a pillow when she slept.
But still my knees shook and I fell to the ground next to it. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces because as much as I ignored, refused, and tried not to believe, I knew it was her. My head dropped down and I listened for a heartbeat. I heard nothing. I gently rolled her over and saw that the dark around her head wasn't only her dark hair but also blood.
I sobbed her name. She didn't move. I choked out her name through my tight throat and tears and the only movement and sound was my own. I pressed my face into her chest and sobbed harder. Her skin was still warm as my tears fell down onto her throat and face. I kept my face against her warm skin and kissed and begged through my sobs for her to breathe. To stay with me. To not leave me. Still there was no response.
So I promised her, like I promised her before, that I wouldn't leave her. I wouldn't leave her in life, I wouldn't leave her in death. We'd never be apart, we'd always be together.
As I made my final promises, I heard a cold, bitter laugh. He was still here. And I felt a heartbeat. I'd kissed her lips, my hand lightly on her throat and I'd felt it. The evil creature laughed again and I promised my Bella that I loved her forever, that I'd be with her soon. Her vein jumped again against my fingers and my breath caught in my throat.
"Bella?" I begged. Again I heard that laugh, but I was ignoring it because if Bella could hear my voice, she'd come back to me. "Bella, love, I'm here. I'm here. Please, just don't leave me."
The shallowest of breaths just barely wheezed through her parted lips and I felt her pulse beneath my hand again.
"Love? I'm here. Oh, Bella, please just breathe. I love you. I'm here."
"Oh…Bella…I'm here. Oh, I love you," mimicked the sick voice. It laughed disgustingly. "You are a pitiful excuse for a man. Sniveling away over a dead wench. She's dead. I killed her. Go-"
The words cut off with a whoosh and I heard a sickening crack as two objects collided. I didn't look. I continued to stroke my fingers against Bella's face and neck. "Please love," I begged. "You can't leave me. I can't live without you."
She breathed more and her heartbeat, though still barely there, was present.
In the background an unrecognizable voice screamed, "You killed my mother." There was a more cracking sounds. "Now I killed you." More and more and more blows were made until the only sound that remained was something hard connecting with flesh and the sound of the unrecognizable panting.
"Bella, I have to take you home," I told her. "It's going to hurt, but you have to fight. You have to fight for me, love. You know I can't be here without you. You're my everything. I'm going to pick you up and I'm going to run you home so Carlisle can make you all better, but it's going to hurt. I'll be gentle," I promised.
Everything was silent as I stood and carefully worked my arms underneath Bella then lifted her up, supporting her against my body. She was light, she was small and fragile in my arms, broken.
"I've got you love," I assured her. "We're going home."
The unrecognizable one was still standing there, staring at the one he killed. "Come on," I beckoned to him gently. He dropped whatever was in his hands, his lips curling back slightly as he spit onto the dead figure, and he followed directly behind me as I jogged through the woods.
I continued to make promises to Bella. Her mouth never opened farther than a crack and no sound came out, but I could feel her fighting in my arms.
The moments it had felt like it had taken me to get to her in the woods were now days as I carried her out.
– – –
It had been hours since I'd arrived home. I knelt in the same position for hours, not moving except to breathe and speak to her. Her head was wrapped in a clean white bandage and she was in a thin gown, covered with a blanket. Her breathing was steady now and her heartbeat was strong, but she still wouldn't wake up. Her eyes wouldn't open and she hadn't spoke to me.
Endlessly, I begged. I pleaded. I prayed.
Jasper was there with me, never leaving either. Or Alice. Carlisle would check in and tell me to be patient. Tell me that I had to let her mind heal itself so she could wake up. I just had to be patient and give her time.
So I did, continuing to beg, plead, and pray for her to come back to me. My fingers were wove in hers and slowly my head started to fall forward until it was rested ever to lightly against her hip.
My eyes closed and opened to a tear soaked blanket against my face. My fingers weren't wound in hers anymore, but I felt familiar short fingernails working gently against my scalp. With a gasp, I threw my head back and saw her face, her eyes open, though barely, and her beautiful smile just barely curving her lips up.
"Hi," she said.
I wanted to be strong for her, more than anything, but I just sobbed. I choked so hard I was worried I disturbed her. My arms were gripping each side of her cot and I attempted to hug her without touching her. I pressed my face back into her blanket covered stomach, again so lightly I was barely touching her, and I continued to sob, unbelievably happy and relieved to see her alive. Awake, her eyes open, and speaking to me.
"Shh," she hushed soothingly, working her fingers against my head.
I stopped sobbing at that moment, because she had been the one who died, and she was comforting me. It was not acceptable.
I sat up straight again, fighting sniffles and sobs that were threatening to choke me. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I asked thickly.
She smiled lightly and whispered, "I'm fine. I have everything I need." The back of her fingers smoothed down my cheeks and dried away the rest of my tears.
I caught her hand and wound my fingers into hers, pressed her hand to my lips and kissed her skin, never wanting to stop feeling the warmth of it. My eyes slowly took in the surroundings and I noticed we were alone. Next to the bed was a half empty cup of water and a half eaten piece of bread.
"How long have you been awake?" I begged to know breathlessly.
"Not long," she replied, looking sheepish.
"How long was I asleep?" I demanded.
"A while," she said, her lips turning up into that innocent smile she used when she knew she was in trouble. "You were so tired," she said. "You didn't look very comfortable, but you were just so tired."
I shook my head disbelievingly but I didn't say a word. Footsteps sounded on the floor but my eyes didn't stray from Bella to see who was coming.
"Ah, you're up," came my father's voice. Only his voice could make my eyes move from Bella's as I shot the most malicious glare I could muster at him. He raised his hands defensively. "She wouldn't let us wake you. I told her you'd be angry, but she wouldn't let us."
"It's my fault," Bella said, her thumb sliding over the back of my hand.
I shook my head, meeting her eyes. "It's not your fault, love," I assured her. Dad knew as soon as I looked at him again what my question was.
"She's fine," he answered. "The head wound will heal and her memory is…fine. I don't expect any lasting effects."
I noticed the way he stumbled for a word to describe her memory and worriedly looked between the two of them. If she had memory loss, I needed to know. I had to be prepared for her to not remember things.
Her fingers tightened around mine. "Edward, everything is fine. I promise."
It was that word again. Fine. "Tell me what you're hiding, and don't use the word fine."
Bella bit her bottom lip and peeked up at Carlisle, who walked away just moments later. "Edward," she started, "just come up here and lay with me first, then I'll tell you."
I cringed as she slid over in the tiny cot, wincing as she did so. She pulled on my hand when I remained kneeling on the floor, and I surrendered and slid underneath the blanket with her. She wrapped her arms around me and shuddered softly and I copied her movements, careful not to disturb her healing body. She felt cold. I pulled her closer to me and she hummed softly, pressing her face into my neck and kissing my skin. I sighed.
She kept herself tightly against me as she started to explain what she was hiding. She didn't have memory loss, quite the opposite. She told me how she'd been trying to forget everything that had happened, up until the point when we met, and that she'd been somewhat successful. Now, after what she called "the accident," everything was back and even more vivid and haunting than she remembered. Carlisle had suggested that she try talking about it instead of just pushing it away and pretending it didn't happen. She told me that I was the only person she wanted to talk to about it.
I let her. For hours she told me everything. She started with bittersweet memories, things that she missed the most about her lost loved ones. She told me how they made her watch as they killed her father and brother. They tortured her mother. She tried to explain to me how it felt to have someone tying you up and touching you when you didn't want them to. She told me how much she'd felt sorry for us when she saw us.
She then told me how quickly she'd fell in love with me. How much she loved me and how much she'd always love me. She could feel me when she'd been unconscious, every time I breathed, she'd felt it, every words I'd said, she'd heard.
Then she told me how she had left Jasper and Alice to go to the market. She could hear someone crying there and she went to see if she could help, or get Carlisle if he was needed. But James was there and he was trying to take money from a small, young woman. Bella had stepped in. James took her as a victim willingly.
He took her out to the woods and told her how he was going to hurt her, in terrible ways, then kill her, like he'd done to Victoria, Jasper's mother. Bella fought and James was inebriated and she was gaining ground, so James had smashed her head into a rock. She described the pain and how she didn't black out yet, but she pretended for a while, thinking maybe he'd leave her alone, but he didn't and Bella fought back again. James nearly did kill her then, continuously beating on her head.
The depiction took a long time. No one interrupted us. Bella cried only when telling me about her family. I forced myself to remain quiet and numb, for fear of hurting her if I tensed up too badly. I laid completely still in her arms as she recounted everything she remembered into my neck.
She finished by telling me how she'd felt when she woke up to everyone standing around her and me sleeping against her stomach, she nearly started crying again. I could hear the tightness of her voice as she told me how loved she felt. She begged me not to be angry with Jasper, and I gently whispered that I wasn't. She told me how he apologized to her, over and over again. He'd tried to do the same to me while I'd been pleading Bella to wake up, but I hadn't listened to a word he said.
She sighed and then went quiet. Very slowly, I felt her head tilt up and I moved mine to look down at her.
"I love you," I said, before she could say anything else.
She smiled lightly, her eyes still shining with tears. "I love you too."
Her lips were soft against mine as she leaned in to kiss me, and I followed her movements as we kissed slowly breathing, feeling, and tasting only each other.
0 comments:
Post a Comment