Geekward Shuffle Challenge
Pen Name: Lou-La
Link to FFnet Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1793870/
Song Title: Hard To Love You by The Wreckers
Story Title: Business Cummings
Rating: M/NC-17
Disclaimer: Any and all recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The Wreckers own the song that inspired this. That porn title is mine.
Summary: Distance makes the heart grow fonder? Possibly. But all Edward knows is what he wants, even if he doesn't know how to get it. A chance mistake brings Bella falling into Edward's lap...literally. AH, One-shot. Geekward Shuffle Challenge submission.
Edward's POV
I've been in love with Bella Swan since kindergarten. She asked if she could borrow my red crayon and hugged me when I let her take it. Over a shared red crayon, I gave my heart away.
Back then she went by Isabella, wore pretty pink dresses, and loved to have her hair pulled back in fancy styles.
As the years passed, I continued to follow her hopelessly. I chased her around the merry-go-round, gave her my cookies at lunch, and tried to kiss her once when she discovered boys had cooties. Our prepubescent innocence quickly faded.
When Bella was ten, her mother left. Her mom ran off with some minor league baseball player she met at a bar and Bella was left to be raised by her barely capable father, Charlie. Bella started to snap at anyone who called her Isabella, pink and dresses were her least favorite things, and her hair was always hanging down around her face, almost like a shield.
She didn't laugh anymore when I would tell her a knock-knock joke. She wouldn't smile when I would be chivalrous and pull her chair out for her. She even got angry at me when I asked to sit with her on the bus. Bella didn't want anything to do with me. Bella didn't seem to want anything to do with any of her friends anymore, except for Alice Brandon, who would sit silently by Bella and glare at the people who tried to come near her or bother her.
It went that way until summer started. I heard through my friend, Jasper Hale, that Bella was moving. The news broke my young heart. At almost eleven years old, I knew that there was only one person for me. Bella was my soul mate, we were meant for each other. I knew it.
And Bella did move that summer. She didn't move away like I assumed she would. Instead she moved across the street from me into a small, old two bedroom house with her father. It was the best thing that ever came from her mother's betrayal. But my plan to get closer to my favorite brown eyed girl backfired on me.
Almost every time I went to visit Bella, she had an excuse; she was busy, Alice was over, she had homework – which I always offered to help her with. If Bella did let me in, I always somehow got roped into watching sports with Charlie.
Alice was always over. The cruel ways of preteens quickly had Bella and Alice pegged for lesbians. It ostracized them both from the "cool" group. Each of them quickly snagged boyfriends. Alice picked Jasper and Bella picked Mike Newton. All was righted for them again.
I wasn't in the "cool" group. I wore glasses. I stuttered sometimes. I was scrawny compared to the other boys. I was the nerd.
I gave up on Bella.
My heart shattered into a million pieces when I realized she would never love me back. I stopped knocking on her door and she never seemed to notice.
Even through the awkward stages, Bella was beautiful. Her hair was still thick and dark brown and her eyes still shone like pools of milk chocolate.
High school was not a good time for me. I was teased mercilessly about my gawky form and my know-it-all attitude. I was smart, I took the AP classes, I didn't have time for athletics, and I didn't date. Everything about me made me the perfect target of every bad, mean, and spiteful joke a bored high schooler could think of.
I rarely talked to my girl next door, even more rarely did she look my way. As far apart as we already were, college was the final obstacle that it took to separate us completely. Bella went south and I went east.
Every holiday, every summer, I came home. Despite giving up on her at the tender age of twelve, I still couldn't help but try to catch glimpses of her. Regardless of following the advice of the one person I trusted to confide in, Jasper, I still couldn't forget her. I tried to move on like he told me to. I dated at Dartmouth; I dated smart, beautiful girls. But my heart still only beat for the girl I believed to be the one for me. She never left my thoughts. And she never came home.
I finished out my college education. My prospects were wide open. I could have worked my way into any hospital that I wanted, but I came home. I took the position in Forks Hospital working in the Lab, as I was trained to, and ran analyses day in and day out on my father's patients. I wasn't sure if he was proud of me or disappointed in me for wasting my talent. I preferred the latter. I had no reason to be here, but still I stayed.
A year into my new, mediocre, same old life back in Forks, Charlie took ill. I heard through Jasper, who was coincidentally dating Alice seriously, that Bella was working full time in a daycare center in Phoenix. Alice was still in touch with Bella, and to my knowledge, she was the only one who was. Bella finally returned to the land of the wet and cold when Charlie was hospitalized.
It wasn't my place, shit, it wasn't even part of my job, but I couldn't resist making it my personal duty to check in on Charlie every chance I found.
I remember the first time I saw her again. It had been six years since the last time my eyes had seen the natural wave to her dark hair, the weird curve shaped scars on her wrist from a freak accident involving a boy's mouth, the long expanse from her hip to her heels.
I was shaking, sweating, my heart was nearly beating out of my chest, and at twenty four I was still hopelessly in love with her. Regardless of giving up on her, and knowing deep down that she wouldn't ever feel the same, I was irrevocably in love with Bella Swan.
I wiped my hands on my lab coat, took a deep breath, gulped, and entered the room. It went completely unnoticed. I cleared my throat quietly.
Bella's head quickly whipped around to look at me. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there. Do you need me to go?" she asked, standing before I could even answer.
"No," I squeaked out. I cleared my throat again. "Excuse me. No, Bella, you can stay. I just have some results."
I had never been so thrilled to have outgrown my stutter as I was at that moment.
"Oh," she said again. I watched her eyebrows slowly scrunch up and she seemed to be taking me in. "How did you…" she started, trailing off as she continued to stare at me. I shifted awkwardly. Her eyebrows shot up on her forehead and her mouth popped open. "Edward?" she gasped.
I chuckled quietly and rubbed my neck anxiously. "In the flesh," I muttered.
"Holy crow! You're still here? You work here?" she inquired, her voice disbelieving.
"Yeah," I replied.
"I heard you were off at Dartmouth. That school is like…prestigious! You came back here to work?" she shook her head incredulously.
I was about to gracelessly agree again when my father rounded the corner into the hospital room.
"Oh…Edward? What are you doing in here? Are you on break?" he asked, eyeing the clock.
Carlisle Cullen was the Chief of Medicine in Forks. He worked his ass off to make sure everyone was getting the best care possible and he personally attended to many of the more critical cases that the hospital saw.
I was the Lab rat here. I never personally dealt with patients. So I lied.
"Um…yes."
"Edward said he had some results for us," Bella said.
I grimaced.
"Oh, does he?" Carlisle questioned. He stared skeptically at me.
"Yes," I said firmly, straightening my back. I then went over the details of Charlie's internal condition.
As I started to breach of the subject of diagnosis, my father obtrusively cleared his throat. "Well, Edward, I think that covers it." He raised his wrist and looked at his watch. "Your break must be close to over, better go get something to eat."
The set to his jaw didn't leave room to question, so I left, offering Bella a tight smile. In the cafeteria, my mind wandered.
Would she stay? Would this be my chance? Could I comfort her through this and make her love me back?
A weight shift to my immediate right made me turn my head and there sat Bella, staring at me. I just barely managed to swallow the food in my mouth without choking.
"Be honest with me Edward, is he going to die?" Bella asked, tears brimming on her lower lids.
Fuck.
I knew exactly what this was about. Her father's outlook was grim, in my opinion, off of Labs alone. Carlisle was the compassionate type. He didn't plant false hope but he wasn't past begging for some optimism. He wouldn't have flat out told Bella her father was terminal. He probably didn't even use the words terminal or death. He probably sugarcoated and said something about not giving up yet. And he probably would have expected me to do the same thing.
I couldn't.
Scientifically speaking he didn't have a chance. Science didn't recognize miracles. His Labs allowed no hope from me.
"Yes," I answered.
I couldn't lie. I could get fired for personally involving myself in a case, something I never did, but it was my own mistake and I couldn't lie. Especially not to Bella. She needed to hear the truth, to prepare for what was going to come.
She hunched in on herself at my words. When I tentatively brushed a hand across her shoulder, she jumped up and ran out of the cafeteria.
Daily, I ran Charlie Swan's Labs and watched his condition grew worse and worse. When a result had to be conveyed, I did it personally, remaining strictly professional as I relayed the morose news.
Bella grew more gaunt as each day passed and Charlie worsened. It was an early Tuesday morning when I came into the hospital, compulsively walking past the room where I thought she would be, only to find it black and empty.
I found out later that Charlie had went into cardiac arrest and that a DNR had been signed, unbeknownst to Bella, the evening before.
I showed up to the wake, convincing myself that I could offer my shoulder to Bella to cry on, only to find her sobbing into the shoulder of a much larger, darker man. He held her tightly. Intimately.
Without bidding a final farewell to Charlie Swan, I stuffed my sentiments into the card box and left.
Having inherited the Cullen house from my father when him and mother moved across town, I continued to find myself invading as Bella tried to go on with her life.
She moved into the Swan house. It didn't escape my notice that the big man was always with her. All night. I wanted to know who he was, and I knew I should have recognized him, but from a distance I just couldn't place his name and all I really ever was looking at was Bella.
I received a thank you card in the mail, a simple "thank you" wrote inside. No more, no less.
Bella had buried her father. With nothing left in Forks, she stayed. She lived in Charlie's house and I found her working at the tiny café on Main St. There I was given exactly the same as the thank you card; no more and no less than what was respectably acceptable when she waited on me.
Gracelessly, I started showing up at the diner almost every day.
It was there that I learned about Jacob Black. He was the one offering his shoulder – and other various body parts, I'm sure. I should have known. He was the douche from the Quileute reservation that I was frequently drug testing for his Parole Officer.
As the months passed, I watched Jake disappear. As I attempted to get the guts to replace him, Tyler Crowley showed up. Then it was Eric Yorkie. Then Mike Newton. Every fuck up that still resided in Forks. Except the one that wanted her the most.
The year mark approached after Charlie's death and I found myself standing on my front porch, staring across the street at the solemn, lonely, rusty old truck sitting in her driveway. Charlie's cruiser belonged beside it, that was the way it had been since she turned sixteen and Charlie gave her the truck. Her truck needed the cruiser beside it, and if not the cruiser, my Volvo.
I sat my mug of coffee on the porch railing and marched across the street and was knocking on her door before I even realized what I was doing.
I inhaled sharply as it swung open without any warning at all.
I had assumed the single vehicle in the drive meant she was alone. It had been my whole…whatever I thought I was doing. Shit, I had no idea what I was doing. But whatever it was, was completely ruined now.
Mike Newton stood in the doorway, in a pair of underwear that were so ungodly disgusting I wished I could pour bleach into my brain to make the sight be unseen.
He rubbed his eyes dazedly, then snorted obnoxiously, and I took a step backwards, unsure of what the hell I had been thinking and what I was supposed to do now.
"Fucking Edward Cullen?" he asked. "Holy shit, your nerdy ass looks just the fucking same as it did in high school."
"You too, Mike," I mumbled back nervously. I took another step backwards and stumbled on the step I didn't realized I'd come up in the first place.
He laughed. "I haven't seen you in ages. Remember all the fun times we had in school?"
I didn't reply to that. They were never any fun for me. Daily swirlies and towel whips in the locker room were never near any realm of what I'd call fun.
"So E-E-E-Edtard, can I help you with something? Are your glasses in need of a readjustment?" Mike asked, smiling cockily at his hurtful mocking of me.
"Mike?" I heard Bella call, from somewhere not far off.
I turned around and half ran back to my house as Mike cackled. I heard Bella call my name once but I didn't stop, or even slow down until I was back in my house.
I holed myself up there, wondering what the hell I had been thinking. I never had a chance. Even now, I was still the geek. She was so far out of my league.
This was the end of it. Bella and I were never going to happen. For as smart as I claimed to be, I sure was pretty stupid. A twenty year crush that never resulted in more than that one first hug should have been given up on long ago. I had to stop caring for her.
A fist banging on my door, directly above my head, made me jump and make a choking sound.
"Edward?" came her voice.
My heart leapt. Looks like you're going to have to hold off on that stop caring thing for just a bit, my mind taunted.
To show it I had some strength, I reached up and tried to quietly click the lock. Of course it sounded loud enough to rival a machine gun firing.
Bella rattled the handle. "I heard that, Edward. Let me in." She shook the handle again. "Please!"
I don't recall giving it permission to, but my fingers were working the lock back into the unlocked position. Then I was rammed with the door and my fingers were jammed beneath it. Something collided with my legs and there was a thump.
"Ow," Bella mumbled. "What the hell?" she asked.
I leaned back against the door to get my fingers freed and it slammed shut and everything was black again.
"What are you doing?" Bella hissed. "Edward? Are you okay?"
I was about to answer when her hand landed on my thigh. She didn't move it, she gripped my thigh, squeezing and sending my heart into my throat as she did so. She continued to grope my thigh, and then my chest as she searched my body.
"I can't see anything. Are you okay, Edward?"
She squeezed her hands against my thigh and bicep. I grabbed both of her wrists and pulled to remove her hands, unthinkingly. She fell as I did so, right into my lap, her face landed on my stomach.
"Stop it," I groaned.
"What?" she asked incredulously.
"Everything," I answered.
Stop making me love you. Stop being so perfect, Bella. Stop breaking my heart. Stop being beautiful. Stop dating losers. Stop fucking losers. Stop ignoring me. Stop fucking squirming because your tits are on my dick.
"Edward," she said in a whiny tone. "I can't see anything. Let go."
I did as she asked and reached up for the light switch that I knew was above my head. The black room illuminated and I suppressed a groan as I watched her sit up, straddling my thighs, and shield her eyes from the brightness.
"What are you doing sitting in the dark, on the floor, Edward?" she asked.
Instead of answering, I wondered if we were going to sit like this and talk, because if we were, I needed to really get a handle on things. I couldn't concentrate with her this close. I could hardly breathe.
She was either a mind reader or she just realized how compromising of a position we were in, she pulled away and stood up.
"That's going to stain," she muttered.
I had no idea what she was talking about until I followed her gaze and noticed my mug at her feet, remnants of my morning coffee staining the beige carpet dark brown.
"Oh."
"Yeah," Bella agreed. "I need to clean this up."
She took in her surroundings before heading in the direction of the kitchen. I jumped up and followed her.
"Bella, don't worry about it. I'll clean it up. Mike's not going to be happy you're here, you better go home."
The look of hurt that crossed her face literally made me bite my tongue so I could say nothing else. Anger and defiance quickly replaced it.
"I am cleaning this up. I don't care who I make happy or otherwise. Besides, Mike isn't welcome at my house anymore for how he treated you."
I had half the mind to stutter out, "w-w-what?"
She huffed as she pushed past me and dropped to her knees to start drawing the coffee from my carpet with a towel.
"It's my home, Edward, now that…. Mike had no right to speak to you the way he did. He's no longer welcome."
I grabbed a bottle of carpet cleaner from under the sink and joined Bella. She took the solution from my hands, not even allowing me to do that part.
"What did you come over for anyway?" she asked gently.
"I just…wanted to make sure you were okay," I decided.
She paused the patting of my carpet and raised her eyes to mine momentarily. Embarrassed, I looked away and grabbed the bottle of carpet cleaner, fiddling with the cap. She went back to cleaning, her head hung low, her hair covering her face. I swore I heard her sniffle.
"Bella?" I asked worriedly.
She jumped up with the soiled rag and walked away from me, back to the kitchen. I followed quickly. She was running the tap, washing out the towel. The water drowned out any sound she may have been making, but her shoulders were shaking.
"Bella?" I questioned again, slowly approaching her.
She turned off the tap and set the wet towel on the counter. Her hands gripped the edge of the sink hard and I took another step forward, fearing she was going to collapse.
"I'm not okay," she sobbed.
Hearing those broken words coming from her mouth was like someone shaking my etch-a-sketch. Every line I ever drew was erased.
I confidently stepped forward and spun her around, wrapping my arms tightly around her. She sobbed hard into my chest, her body wilting as she did so. I caught her in my tight embrace and held her to me as her body shook with the cries.
It was as if all the puzzle pieces were falling into place. The comforting that I tried to give after her mother left, when her father died, even this morning, it had all went unnoticed. The mistake of me going over there, Bella not answering the door, Mike being an asshole, all of it lead up to now. Bella was using my shoulder to cry on and I was there for her. I mattered. She knew I cared.
The time passed slowly but quickly, just as it had on the floor in the dark. I had no idea what time it was, I didn't have the slightest clue how long it took, but Bella eventually cried herself out.
She stopped shaking first. Then my soaked shirt started to grow cold as her tears relented. Finally her sniffs stopped and she began to breathe normally. Her body was completely flaccid and still in mine and my arms didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let go. I didn't let go.
"You smell like cookies," Bella mumbled into my shirt unexpectedly.
"What?" I asked, bewildered.
"I borrowed a red crayon from you once, a long time ago, and I hugged you. You smelled like cookies then, and you still smell like cookies."
"You remember that?" I asked, shocked.
She nodded. "You?"
"Bella, I'll never forget it. I fell in love with you that day."
I gulped when I realized exactly what I'd just let slip.
She tensed in my arms and I mumbled, "Christ," under my breath.
"Edward," she said in a panicky voice.
"I'm sorry," I gasped out. "It's just, I gave up today. Today I decided I'm going to quit trying to make you love me back."
"What?" Bella gasped back.
"Oh my god," I groaned. "I can't stop."
I finally unwound my arms from her waist and covered my mouth so I couldn't vomit out anymore words. I walked out of the kitchen, hoping distance between us would help me regain the bearings I so obviously had discarded.
What the hell is wrong with you? hissed my mental voice. I shook my head in answer. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Something serious. I was mental. From loving Bella for twenty unfulfilling years to blurting out that I did so, it was all…ridiculous.
The space I had tried to put between Bella and I was futile as she only followed me out to the living room. She fell back into the couch much as I did, both of us sighing forlornly.
We sat there in rigid silence for what felt like hours. I was done speaking to her, it never did me any good.
"What do you mean you've loved me since that day?" Bella asked in a whisper.
I completely ignored her question. "Bella, why aren't you okay?"
The tense silence was replaced. Neither of us wanted to answer the toughest questions. I flat out refused to, actually. The only speaking I would be doing was the ask her about her troubles. As much as I loathed myself for it, I had to find out exactly what wasn't okay in Bella's life.
"Bella, tell me what's wrong," I whispered desperately.
She huffed. "What do you think is wrong, Edward? My father is dead. I wasn't even here. I abandoned him just like my bitch of a mother." My eyes shot to her face, watching as it contorted with pain and disgust. "I'm exactly like her. I wasn't there for my father, I sleep around. I've turned into the town slut! I'm worse than her," she gasped, her face dawning with realization, the disgust marring her features completely and turning her already pale skin sickly color.
My resolve snapped in two. I hastily grabbed her shoulders and was again embracing her tightly, practically smashing her to my chest.
"No Bella," I started.
"Edward," she tried to cut me off, pushing against my waist with palms, trying to pull away.
"No," I said sharply. "Your father loved you, very much. You are all he ever talked about. He knew you were trying to be happy, he was happy for you. He was proud of you."
Bella tried to cut me off again, speaking over me when I didn't let her, saying I had no idea what I was talking about.
"You are not the town slut. I honestly believe you're just trying to fill a void with sex. It's obviously not working. Perhaps someone who loved you could fill it, but meaningless sex isn't going to make you completely happy." I quickly realized how hugely I was implying that we should have sex and jumped back to my original point. "You are not the town slut."
"Who do you think the guys call for a good time, Edward?" she mumbled against my chest.
"Ghostbusters?" I asked.
My plan to make her laugh worked and her hot breath seeped through my shirt as she chuckled into my chest.
"You're such a nerd," Bella commented amusedly.
My smile at her laughing quickly disappeared and I recoiled from her words like she physically burned me.
I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut. Not talking at all was the best option. At least I wouldn't have brought myself anymore torture if I hadn't of ever spoken to her again.
As gently as I could, I pushed her away from me and stood up, wanting nothing more than to be away from her. She hurt me to no end. Twenty years of one-sided love combined with her calling me the "n" word could have been the final nail in my coffin. I felt the need to die as pain ripped through my chest.
Like you ever should have expected anything else, my mind scolded.
"No, Edward," Bella started.
"Save it," I snapped. "You can go."
"No," Bella demanded firmly, much as I had done to her just moments ago.
I felt her fingers ghost across the back of my hand and I flinched away from her, starting off in the direction of the front door. If Bella wouldn't leave than I would.
"No!" Bella nearly shouted.
Both of her small hands wrapped around my wrist and she jerked hard against me, successfully pulling me back into the couch.
"I did not mean to offend you," she rushed out quickly. "I meant it as an endearment. I think it's cute. I said it with love."
I scoffed, rolling my eyes, and keeping them far away from her. I would be ruined if I made eye contact with her. She was lying, but making eye contact, I would have believed any word she said.
"Edward, I'm serious. Stop trying to pull away from me," she commanded. "I was open with you, now it's your turn. You…really love me?"
I gave one curt nod to answer her question, not even chancing a glance in her direction.
"You're trying to stop?" she asked quietly, sounding sad.
I wanted to know if she was really sad. Were her eyes filled with sorrow? Regret? Suddenly realized love?
I didn't allow myself to look, knowing nothing I wanted would be there. I gave another sharp nod.
Her fingers curled in tighter around my wrist, almost painfully so. I could feel her nails biting my skin. "Please don't," she begged. "I need someone to love me, Edward."
The utter need filling her voice compelled my head in her direction and I met her eyes. There was regret there, sadness, longing.
"I want you to love me," she cried softly. "I need you to. It's selfish, but you are right. Meaningless sex does nothing for me. The physical satisfaction dissipates and I feel emptier than before. I need you to love me. I need…I need you."
Something new flashed in her eyes and unexpectedly she was rushing towards me. Utterly confused and surprised, I froze. In her rush, and my frozen state, she ended up head butting me right in the nose, instead of kissing me as I assume she had intended to.
"Fuck!" I cursed, grabbing my glasses off and pinching the bridge of my nose as pain shot through my sinuses.
"Oh, fuck, Edward. Oh god," Bella shrieked. "Oh shit. I'm sorry. Oh. Here. Let me. I'm gonna."
She pulled my glasses out my hands, then she grabbed my hand and was hauling me up. I closed my eyes focusing all my attention on not having a major nose bleed in front of the girl of my dreams, but as soon as I started the silent pledge, I felt the blood running down my nostrils. I cursed to myself and cupped my hand over my nose to hide it.
Bella squeaked suddenly and I darted my eyes open. It was blurry but I could make out the shape of her falling toward the kitchen floor at an alarming pace.
Everything seemed like it was moving in slow motion. I heard Bella say, "Ooph," as she hit the ground and then the age old sound of my glasses hitting the floor and shattering followed.
"Are you okay?" I asked quickly as I rushed to her, helping her to her feet.
Bella didn't answer and my blurred vision didn't tell me much, but she seemed unharmed, so I finally unleashed my emotions over the situation. Nose blood nearly went flying everywhere as I doubled over in laughter.
This whole day was like some bad sitcom. Angst and depression, hurt and comfort, love and sex, nose bleeds and broken glasses, laughing and crying.
I shook my head at it all as I laughed. Bella's hand connected with my shoulder as she yelled at me that this situation was not funny.
I suppose from her view it wasn't. I probably had blood halfway down my throat and looked like a well fed vampire as I cackled away, but I couldn't stop.
Her angered huff sobered me up a bit and I attempted to look at her, but my blurred eyesight didn't allow me to take in the whole picture. Blindly, I turned away and started groping for some paper towels.
"Let me," Bella said, again grabbing my wrist to stop my movement.
I shook my head vehemently, but just to my left I heard the sound of paper tearing and Bella had hold of my wrist that was still over my nose.
"Let me, Edward. Move your hand."
I shook my head again.
"Oh for crying out loud, I'm not going to hurt you." I scoffed at her off base assumption and Bella sighed. "Come on, Edward, I've had my fair share of nose bleeds. It doesn't bother me."
Unwillingly, I let her pull my hand away.
"Hmm," she hummed contemplatively.
It was useless, but I still tried to see her. I hated this feeling of being blind. It was unnerving, and incredibly embarrassing.
"I never noticed how green your eyes are," Bella commented, gently dabbing under my nostrils.
I rolled my eyes at her comment, to which she chuckled. The tap switched on, then off again, and ever so gently, Bella started wiping away the blood.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Bella said so quietly I had to strain to hear it. "I never meant to hurt you."
Despite not being able to see her face, I knew she was talking about more than just giving me a nose bleed and calling me a nerd.
As much as I hated not seeing her face, I was also thankful for it as I mumbled, "I know, Bella. It's my fault. Being hopelessly caught up in a nonexistent relationship for twenty years tends to have its hardships. Don't feel badly, or guilty."
"You've been with others?" She asked, though sounding like she knew the answer but was asking out of politeness.
"Physically, yes."
She chuckled quietly. "That was cryptic."
"I've had sexual relations before, Bella, but I've never felt for another even remotely close to what I feel for you," I explained willingly. Might as well get it all out while I was at it.
"Oh," she replied. Now she was the one being cryptic. "Why do you love me?" she asked bewilderedly.
"Because you hugged me when I gave you my red crayon, and you brought it back, sharpened and everything. You're compassionate and honest and loving. You're beautiful, on the inside and out. I've only ever wanted you."
Without warning, her fingers were tangled into the hair on the back of my head and she was pulling me down to her. Her lips pressed firmly to mine, even with her head tilted at the oddest angle. She was being careful. Loving. Perfect. Bella.
I let my lids fall closed and kissed her back. This was everything I ever wanted. I felt lightheaded and disbelieving. My body buzzed with warmth as an electric like feeling swept over every inch of me.
Her lips were soft and insistent. Her taste was all-consuming and indescribable.
All too soon the reality crashed down around me. I swayed, nearly falling before I realized that I was lightheaded because I couldn't breathe. No air was coming through my aching nose and I wasn't about to go Hoover Vacuum on her lips to get air. Nothing could ruin our first kiss. Except maybe me passing out.
Grudgingly, I pulled away and sucked in a much needed breath through my lips.
"I'm sorry," Bella muttered.
"It's okay," I reassured, having no idea what she was apologizing for. Probably the fact that, that was the worst kiss she'd ever had and felt nothing.
I stepped carefully around her and cautiously started towards the direction of my bedroom.
"Edward!" Bella gasped, her arms wrapping around my torso and stopping me just as my knee banged into something.
I assumed it was probably the glass coffee table. That would have been an excruciating death.
"Where do you need to go? I'll take you there." Her hand encircled mine and my heart stuttered worse than when her lips had first touched mine.
"Uh, my room." I gave her directions and she lead me there.
Once there, I unhappily unclasped my hand from hers then blindly stumbled my way to my bathroom. I shut the door and cursed increasingly louder as I fumbled to find what I was looking for. The broken glasses had been my last pair, all I had left were contacts that I refused to wear except for in emergencies.
Bella kindly offered her help many times, and I refused until all was quiet and I wondered if she left. I wasn't sure if I preferred that or not.
Finally I found the godforsaken contacts and managed to ram them onto my eyeballs. I was surprised when I opened the door to find Bella still there. Sitting on my bed. With something in her hands, a smirk on her full lips.
My stomach dropped as I realized what I'd been enjoying last night. Enjoying so much, I forgot to stuff it back in the bedside drawer.
"Business Cummings?" Bella asked with a devious smirk. "Business suits and desks, really?"
I felt hot from my hairline to my toes, sick with humiliation. I wanted to turn back into the bathroom and lock the door. Possibly throw back a bottle of aspirin while I was in there because I sure as shit would never be coming out. But I couldn't move.
I watched, horrified, as she grabbed the remote off the nightstand. The room filled with the sound of porn and I cringed. I knew exactly what part it was stopped at. I always came at the same spot.
The frame would show breasts, of moderate size, not too large, not too small, much like Bella's. It would show dark hair falling over alabaster skin, just like Bella's. A pussy enveloping a cock as she rode him, I always fantasized it was Bella on me. A pinstripe skirt pushed up around her hips. The actress made quiet mewling noises, believable as she said she was cumming. It always got me off.
Suddenly, Bella was in front of me. Her fingers curled into the belt loops on my jeans and she pulled me towards the bed. She fell back and she pulled on me until I was laying over her.
"When were you watching this?" she asked huskily into my ear.
"Last night," I told her.
"Why did you stop it there?"
"Because it's my favorite part," I admitted.
"Did you cum?" she asked.
"Yes," I groaned.
"Did you say my name?"
"Yes."
She moaned directly into my ear and arched her body up to rub it on mine.
"God, Bella," I rasped, "I've wanted you for so long."
She moaned again. "I want you too," she replied – maybe lied.
The background noise grew old and I mindlessly found the controller and turned the porn off. I threw the controller back to the nightstand then pressed down into Bella. My eyes rolled back into my head as she pushed herself against me even harder and moaned again. Her fingers started clawing at my shirt and I willingly discarded it, and quickly regretted it as she stared unashamedly at my chest.
She trailed her fingers over my less than defined pecs and raked her fingernails over my nipples, causing me to shudder as they hardened. Her hands skimmed along my flat, though also undefined, stomach to the front of my pants.
"You don't have to do this," I offered, self-consciously wondering how she could ever want me.
Without a moments hesitation, she wrapped her fingers around my length through my pants, making me moan out loud. She met my eyes, a smile toying with her lips, then leaned up and caught me in a wholly breathtaking kiss as she rubbed my hard cock.
She pulled her lips from mine at the same time as her hand left me and she guided me 'til I was the one laying flat on my back. She quickly straddled my hips and with a confident smile, she discarded of her shirt.
My eyes greedily took in the newly exposed skin and as I reached out to touch her, she jumped up, standing high above me, unbuttoning her jeans and sliding them off her legs. Again, I stared.
Then a humorous smile graced my face as I realized she mismatched. Her bra was blue and lovely, while her underwear were white with pink flowers and girlishly adorable.
Confused, Bella looked down and muttered, "Oh, shit."
I was no longer the self-conscious one as she turned red and tried to hide her underwear from me. I quickly gripped the back of her knee and pulled, making her fall to her knees over me.
"I'm usually more prepared than this," she explained.
I chuckled. "Well, love, you obviously didn't assume you'd be showing me your underwear today."
She giggled. "I'd really like to stop showing you my underwear now, so please rid me of them."
I swallowed thickly as she stood up again. I locked my eyes on hers, slowly sliding my palms against the smooth skin of her thigh. She stared back at me tenderly, showing no uncertainty as I grasped the waistband of her panties and started to slide them down her legs. She stepped out of them and I tossed them.
Bella gave one slow nod and I gladly took her encouragement. When my eyes laid upon Bella's sex for the first time, I lost all coherent thought.
Mine.
I grabbed her knee again and brought her back down to me, kissing her with everything I had when our lips were even. Bella's fingers popped the button on my pants and I reached into the bedside drawer, digging until I found what I was looking for.
I tore the condom open just as Bella pulled me from my pants, and we both gasped. Her eyes were wide as she stared down at me and I thrust the condom at her in hopes that she'd stop staring at me.
She took the condom and met my eyes. "Wow," she muttered.
"Um, thanks," I replied embarrassedly, pushing my pants and underwear off the rest of the way.
I groaned as Bella rolled the condom on me, her warm hands gliding smoothly over my length. As she settled herself above me, she reached back and unclasped her bra, sending that to the floor with our pile of other discarded clothing.
I quickly palmed the soft flesh of her breasts, memorizing the way her nipples pressed into my palms.
I felt Bella shift and knew what was coming next.
Before she could, I quickly rushed out, "Bella, I just want you to know that I haven't done this in a while, so I apologize if I'm not good. I really want this to be great, but-" my words cut off with a moan as she sank down on me in one swift movement.
"Oh," she smirked cockily at me, "look, I found a way to shut you up!"
I glared halfheartedly.
She shifted on me, her mouth dropping open in a moan and her lids drooping lustily. "Edward, really…wow! I've never had-"
I pressed my hips up forcefully, making her own words fail as she moaned. I didn't want to know.
"Works both way," I mumbled with a smirk of my own. Her glare was just as halfhearted as mine had been.
Our rhythm started off slow, but still, every time Bella moved, I felt my toes curl. I reached between us, laying my hand on Bella's thigh and guiding my thumb to her clit as she rose and fell on me.
It was inevitable. This was my wet dream come to life. I was going to cum prematurely and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
When my thumb brushed Bella's clit, her inner muscles tighten around me, making us both moan. Bella's hips jerked as I began circling her clit rapidly. She jerked up and slammed down, drawing moans from both of us.
Bella gasped and sped up her pace as I added more pressure to my circling ministrations.
"Edward!" she cried.
My body tensed. That. That would do me in. But just at the thought of getting to hear it again, I withstood the pleasure that was close to peaking.
Please, I begged from my mind, please cum, Bella.
With another gasp Bella fell forward, her palms landing flat on my chest and I thrust up into her hard, drawing a loud moan as my finger circled quicker yet.
"Oh! Edward!" she cried blissfully.
I couldn't believe my dick when I felt her pussy clenching around it. She tensed and released and squeezed and relaxed rhythmically milking me as her body convulsed atop me. Moaning. My name. Cumming. For me.
A roared version of her name ripped out of my throat as my hips slammed up into hers with five more deep thrusts. The tightening of my body eased and I laid limp and panting on damp sheets, her body draped over mine.
–
In the morning I woke to an empty bed. I blinked rapidly, trying to focus my dry eyes.
It was a dream. A treacherous, horrible, wonderful, perfect wet dream.
Her clothes weren't on the floor. I didn't have a condom on anymore. It was all dream.
I groaned and rolled over, hating the feeling of waking up naked and alone.
Unseeingly my eyes stared ahead, suddenly focusing on my lamp. Where white panties lay. With little pink flowers.
In the distance, I heard the door shut quietly and my heart broke.
Not a dream. But there she goes on her walk of shame.
I almost wished it was a dream. No. I'm glad she gave me something so special. But now I would never get over her.
"Edward Cullen," rang out a voice sharply.
I rolled quickly towards the sound.
Bella stood in the doorway of my bedroom. Her hair was in a tight bun. She had thin framed, black glasses on. Her blouse was white, tight, and half unbuttoned. She wore a black pencil skirt.
"What the hell are you still doing in bed, sir? We have business cummings to attend to."
She slammed the door and with that I launched out of my bed, pressing her firmly against the solid wood.
"I'm so sorry, Ms. Swan. I'm up and ready to take care of business," I played along, peeling her skirt up towards her hips.
"I see that," she said humorously, pressing into my naked body.
I growled deep in my chest as a lacy black thong was revealed under her skirt. Carelessly, I gripped the front of it, tearing it clean off her body.
"Oh," she gasped as I grabbed her thighs and pressed her more firmly into the door.
I lifted her up high enough to line up with her entrance. As I brushed against her wet heat, I couldn't stop the three words from escaping my mouth.
"I love you."
"I know," Bella cooed into my ear, nuzzling it affectionately.
With that, I sank deep inside of her body, rejoicing at the sound of her crying my name.
A/N: Just take a moment to close your eyes…er, wait, no. First read this, then close your eyes.
Picture this – Edward Cullen, in scrubs and a lab coat, tired and messy haired after a long day in the Lab, horny because his thoughts kept going elsewhere. He walks straight to his bedroom, kicking off his shoes and reaching into his scrub pants to rub his aching erection. He puts in his favorite porn, lays back on his king sized bed, pushing his scrubs down just enough to free himself, and slowly jerks off to ladies in business suits getting fucked hard on desks.
Unf. I'm forever ruined to any and all other fantasies.
Huge, HUGE! thank you to Strae who beta'd this for me. Everyone should go check out her awesome stories - http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1930432/
Be sure to check out the other entries to the Geekward Shuffle Challenge! http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2142840/Geekward_Shuffle_Challenge
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