Took 3rd Place in "The Littlest Peen" Contest
Title Of Entry: The Little Peen That Could
Penname: Lou-La
Pairing: Vampward x Humanella
Check out the other Little Peens: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2207039/TheLittlestPeen
Disclaimer: All recognized characters and quotes belong to Stephenie Meyer. I simply make the truth about Edward's "trouser snake" be known. No copyright infringement or disrespect intended.
Warning: This is a crack fic. Do not take it so seriously that you feel the need to chop my head off. Please and thank you.
The self questioning and rumors started about fifty years ago. Emmett had seen me naked by chance, and the fact that he'd seen very little, down there, meant he just couldn't drop it. I don't mean he didn't see me completely either, I mean he saw close to nothing… because that was all I was packing… close to nothing.
Over and over in his mind, he just kept picturing my lacking penis. He could not figure out how that part of me didn't change when I did. I could only assume that because I had been small as a human, and was probably meant to always be small, combined with the fact that vampires are physically unchanging – less a few exceptions – beings, my penis… it… the thing… whatever, it was just suppose to be small, I guess. For me, anyways. God knows Emmett was not. No, his body matched. His massive adequateness was everywhere.
Jasper too. And ninety-nine percent of the human population.
In all honesty, I didn't actually have micropenis syndrome… anymore. As a human, two inches was all I had. At seventeen years old, I couldn't take a piss standing up because it was so small. At least when my muscles thickened and I grew taller after my change, my… cock did the same, sort of. I could hardly boast about three and half inches, though, could I?
Absolutely not.
So at first, Emmett asked me flat out, "Are you gay?"
"I don't know," I answered truthfully.
I did know that just because my pecker was small, it didn't make me gay, but the fact that, then, I had never been romantically or sexually inclined by anyone of either sex meant that I frankly didn't know. As a human, the chance flash of cleavage or thigh made me hard and I'd never been interested in men before, so I believed that meant I was straight.
But I didn't know.
So Emmett taunted and teased and Carlisle threatened to send him away. I resented Carlisle sometimes… most of the time. He was a good man, with a good heart, and I knew he often thought about how young I was when he changed me, but he loved me like a son and didn't regret his decision, even if I did.
Emmett tormented in ways that I could hardly stand. Picturing his own good-and-plenty next to my itty bitty. He tried to imagine me having intercourse, and failed because he couldn't see how something so small could even work. Once he went so far as to imagine taking me. To say I was never comfortable in Emmett's presence again was an understatement. At least though, I knew in that moment that I definitely was not gay, and I certainly questioned Emmett's own sexuality.
I was asexual. Nothing provoked a sexual response from me. Not Tanya or Rosalie with all their certainty in their feminine figures, not Emmett with his revolting butt sex, not any of the high school girls who pictured me with a huge, throbbing erection for them, not the various and constant recollections of sexual gratification from everyone I'd met or otherwise.
Of course, then I met her. She made it concrete; both my certainty to being straight and my mini hard-on. When the blood lust started to fade – which was unbelievably quick considering the strength her scent carried – new, unrecognizable feelings started within me. The first time I felt her soft, delicious curves against me, I thought even my little thing was going to break through my pants it was so hard.
And it just wouldn't go away. I was hard all the time. Between her soft lips persuading me to go further, her exquisite body against mine, or the permeating scent of her own breathtaking arousal, I was rocking a full chub at all times.
It was so small that even when she pressed herself against me, she couldn't actually feel it. She might have occasionally realized that it was my dick pressed against her thigh, or hip, or stomach, but she had no idea what so ever that I was fully fucking erect.
No, I'm sure she assumed that she just didn't do it for me. She always wore the same expression after an encounter with my groin. Questioning, rejection, disappointment, inadequacy.
It was me, it wasn't her, and I always told her so, but she never believed me. I was far too cowardly to admit my lack of size to her, even to soothe her ache. She would surely not love me if she knew how unmanly I was below the belt. At times, her feelings pacified me and I didn't even attempt to assure her that I wanted her in every way. Not being the only one who felt deficient was equally revolting and assuaging.
Now, my meager length was finally going to be revealed. She was legally mine by matrimony and she was bound to me. Her condition for sex was one I desperately detested, both because I wanted it so badly and because it was likely to be the end as we knew it.
I stood waist deep in the warm, ocean water, hard as always, listening to her shower in the distance. I couldn't believe we were here. I couldn't help but question why I was doing this.
I should have been gay. I could probably make a nice bottom. Plenty of men found me attractive and I could learn to like the feeling of a penis breaking in my ever unchanging rectum.
"Don't be a coward," Bella whispered forcefully. The shower wasn't running anymore, but I couldn't hear her moving towards me yet either.
I whimpered. She still knew so little about me. She didn't understand how truly selfish of a creature I was, how cowardly I would always be, and just how little she should expect.
"I love you so much, Bella, and I'm so afraid," I breathed, to myself since she wouldn't have heard it even if she was standing next to me.
She sighed somewhere from within the house and determinedly opened a door. Her heart was hammering in her chest and I could feel my own wanting to do the same thing, though it wasn't capable.
The scent of her arousal hit me like a fright train, just as it always did, and her blood barely registered. The monster in me relished in it, begging me to kill the woman I loved, and sending a copious amount of venom to my mouth, but it was so easy to ignore when the throbbing between my legs beat so hard I swore the water had to be rippling. My lust for her was easily killing my blood lust for her.
Truthfully, I was lying through my teeth every time I warned about hurting her. I wouldn't because I couldn't. My body was incapable of hurting her. She was absolutely right. I no longer thought about sinking me teeth into her, but instead sinking my tiny prick into her. I was so goddamned small, I probably wouldn't even break her hymen. My hands couldn't hurt her, I knew exactly how much force she could take without being in pain.
I'd practiced, so many times. She had no idea that I ransacked her dirty laundry on almost a daily basis, stealing her soiled panties and masturbating with eggs or sheets of glass in my free hand. I no longer even chipped the glass or cracked the egg.
No, the pain would be mine. When she saw how unfit I was, she would run screaming, finally.
I was a freak of nature. Nothing about me was normal, by anyone's means. From my ocher eyes, to my venomous teeth, all the way down to my measly three point five fully erect inches, I was unnatural. She would realize this.
Her footsteps across the sand were slow, measured. She'd left her towel with my clothing. She was naked, just as I was. I kept my hands on the surface of the water, warming them and keeping them busy. I could jerk one out right now and she wouldn't even notice and damn it, it was so tempting. All I could think about was her naked, the smell of her wanting me. But the reality of the situation was that she would soon find out everything about me. Why I denied her for so long, how much I truly had wanted her all along, the freak that I truly was.
Her hand formed to the shape of mine over the surface of the vast ocean. The white moon lit everything in alabaster and shadows, but it left nothing to my imagination. I could see now what clothing had hid from me in my peripheral. Her breasts were pert and soft, so full and lush. Even in the smothering heat, her nipples stood erect, tight and begging for attention. Pink and firm against the rest of her. Beneath the black water, I could clearly see the shape of her sex, the juncture of her thighs taunting me with its perfection. Everything about her was perfect. I wouldn't change her for the world, but I would change the world for her. After this, I would no longer be the flawless creature she pegged me for.
The water muted the scent of her heady lust and allowed me a few moments of clear thought while she spoke. It didn't last long and soon our bodies were nearly flush. Only my hips were tilted away, just enough to keep my secret safe for a little while longer. She tried, and tried, and tried again to feel me against her but I dodged and kept myself a step ahead of her. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and hefted her body up, wrapping her legs around my waist. Chest to chest, mouth to mouth, apex to stomach.
It was completely involuntary when my mouth opened in a groan. Her mouth froze against mine, she inhaled through my mouth, then she brought her tongue to mine, tasting me. I quickly shoved my tongue against hers, forcing both of them into her mouth. She sucked on my tongue and swirled her own around it. I was moving before I made a conscious decision to. I was inside of her, and that was all I could concentrate on, other than the feel of her slick sex on the ridges of my stomach.
Her breathing accelerated the closer we got to the house. Her fingers and nails dug uselessly into my scalp as she tried to bring me further into her mouth, her heels dug into my back, her thighs squeezing and pulling against me. She wanted me so bad. She was mindlessly rubbing the slickness of her desire against my stomach. God, was she wet. So wet. The smell, the feel. Hot, slick, silk.
She gasped and whimpered and I tried to remember that it was necessary for me to think. I nearly placed her on the bed, but then realized I would be in full sight. Instead, I stood next to the bed and slipped one hand along her thigh to cup her behind. I followed up her back to the wet tendrils of her hair then back down again, not stopping as I followed the curve of her bottom. My hand stopped when it was between us, my fingers against her engorged lips.
Her eyes opened wide, meeting mine. She didn't look worried or hesitant, only surprised. I moved my fingers just slightly, spreading some of the wetness onto my finger pads and feeling her skin give and move with my gentle touch. Her lids dropped lustily. I slid my tongue from inside of her mouth and kissed her chastely, then pressed a finger slightly into her opening. She tightened out of shock but quickly relaxed and I slowly slid my finger inside of her body.
So hot, so wet, so soft, and I could feel her heartbeat. My finger explored, encountering the evidence of her virginity and quickly backing off.
"Edward, please, I want you," she begged, not sounding altogether convincing. If I could hear her mind, I imagined she would really be saying something along the lines of, Edward, please, I want you to get me off. Just make me cum already.
I kissed her again. "You have me, love." I will, before I disappoint you completely.
She whimpered when my finger twisted inside of her. I aimed my thumb towards her clitoris and pressed into it with knowing softness. I rubbed gentle circles on the little bundle of nerves to the rhythm of her heartbeat. I knowingly arched my finger forward, pressing against the slightly rough spot on her anterior vaginal wall.
She whimper-moaned and arched her body, bringing her mouth closer to my ear. I could already hear each breath, her heart, my finger moving inside of her, every tiny moan and whimper, but the feel of the vibrations, the warmth on my ear, it drove me mad.
The nubbin was leaking venom excessively. My thighs felt sticky, though I hadn't even climaxed yet. I knew that simply feeling my finger inside of her would be enough to let myself release if I wanted to. I wondered if she would believe me if I lied. I could cum, show her the sticky evidence, pretend that vampires couldn't get it up more than once, and call it a night. Perhaps…
She gasped loudly into my ear and drew me from my musings. "Oh my god," she moaned.
I could feel her muscles starting to lock down. Mine wanted to, too.
"Edward, I love you. Oh, Edward."
It was my undoing. I couldn't betray her anymore. She was mindless in the throws of her orgasm and still she could only tell me she loved me. What kind of husband would I be to deny my wife consummation? She could deny me, I wouldn't even be angry if she did, but I couldn't deny her any longer.
At the very least, I would willingly finger and lick her to orgasm whenever her heart so desired to keep her sexually sated, if she wouldn't have me. Most likely, I would have to, since the little puny thing wouldn't be getting her off. Intercourse would surely be a one-sided enjoyment.
As she came down from her peak, she clung at my neck, murmuring love and endearments and nonsense that made my heart want to explode. I wanted to sob. I knew how she felt now, but I had no idea how she would feel shortly.
"I want to see you, Edward," she mumbled.
I gulped, tasting only her in the air. My life was about to shatter…
I placed her gently on the bed and sobbed to myself as I stepped back.
She was not my shy Bella anymore. She stared unashamedly between my legs. The sad fact was it looked so proud. So small, yet pointing upwards and standing tall, like it had a purpose.
I heard her swallow thickly. "You still don't find me attractive," she squeaked. It was half questioning, half stating.
My heart broke. She didn't even… she couldn't even tell how hard I was for her…
"Bella… I… I… This is me, Bella."
I swallowed back the apologies I wanted to give for my shortcomings. I would never be what she expected.
"Edward, I don't understand," she stated. "You never… Everyone always was bragging about sex as a vampire. Why didn't you tell me you can't… You're lying. You're not hard. It's me."
Tears welled in her eyes and I nearly dry heaved. "I'm not lying, Bella. God, don't you have any idea how much this hurts. This is me. Hard."
Her eyes reassessed and she inhaled sharply, her eyes widening to their fullest. She finally understood. I wanted to bury myself six feet under and stay there for the rest of eternity.
She finally understood why I pulled away, why I couldn't be with her this way, why I always stopped.
"Oh my god," she rasped. The disgust, the pity, the disappointment… I couldn't watch her anymore.
I turned around, partially curling into myself. My shoulders were shaking with silent sobs, my chest hurt just as badly as when I left her, and still it was hard.
I grabbed it harshly. I wanted to tear it off. My body reacted, even to the tight grip, making it pulse in my fingers and send more venomous precum out the tip.
No one wants you, I told it. It didn't care. It throbbed again. I pulled on it, hard, intending to rip it clean off my body, but Bella's hand landed on my wrist and I froze.
"Don't hurt yourself, Edward."
Her voice sounded numb, like she didn't really care either way. She was my kryptonite and I was useless against her. She barely brushed her fingers over my wrist, but I let go. Her delicate hand replaced mine. Her whole small hand cupped me, my tip barely made it past her middle finger.
"Don't touch me there, Bella," I begged.
I didn't deserve it. Her hand shouldn't have ever touched something so derisory. I would never make love to her, I would never be with her intimately. My lacking body would poison her if I did.
She ignored my pleading. Her fingers, one by one, slid along my minimal length until she was gripping me just with her index finger and thumb, her other fingers pressed against my scrotum.
If your balls are bigger than your cock, you must be retarded. I heard Emmett's voice over and over again.
Jasper and Alice had tried, so incessantly, to help me. Jasper could feel my anxiety, my need as well, but mostly my utter fucking mortification and contempt over my needle dick. He tried to reassure me emotionally, give me hope, confidence. It never worked, but I thanked him none the less. Alice tried to diminish my doubts by showing me Bella and I together. I hardly believed she actually ever saw it though. Still, I disgustingly used her mental images for masturbatory purposes.
It had never been possible for Bella to love me. Not for who I truly was.
I pushed her hand off of me. "Just don't."
She grabbed me again. "No, you don't. We're doing this. You promised we'd try," she said determinedly.
I allowed her to push and pull me to the bed. She straddled me. She looked confused as to how she was supposed to get it inside of her. It stood iron hard though, so it was doable. One easy press down and I was completely inside of her, meeting no resistance. Her thighs were wide against my hips and I was in her. All the way. Without any resistance. It didn't even hurt her.
She pressed down hard, apparently trying to take more inside of her, but there was nothing left. I grabbed the two pillows within reaching distance and tore them open, sending feathers everywhere, in a fit of anger.
She was trying to grip me inside of her, and she couldn't, and still it felt so fucking good. I didn't have enough to stretch her, I didn't have enough to take her virginity, I didn't have enough to bring her to an orgasm, but she rocked on me once and I came.
I knew my hands were on her hips as I shuddered and I knew I was gripping her too tightly, but I didn't care. This was it. It was over. This was the one and only time I'd ever have sex, and I lasted a whole twenty seconds.
I just wanted her to stay.
But she didn't. She pried my hands off of her hips and fell back against the headboard. She eyed me, wet and closer to nonexistent than I'd ever been. And my eyes found her core, the evidence of my shameful orgasm was leaking out of her. I got hard.
"Oh," Bella said, sounding mildly surprised and repulsed. "Did you want to do it again?"
I shook my head, looking away from her. "I won't ever make you do that again. I couldn't even take your virginity."
Her fingers were pulling me towards her again. Urging me to center myself between her thighs. God damn it, I couldn't deny her anything ever again.
"You took my virginity, Edward. I love you. I want you inside of me again."
I shook my head. "Bella, I couldn't even break your hymen."
"Doesn't matter, you can do it with your hand. I want you, I know now that you want me. I'm sorr-"
"Don't you fucking apologize to me," I spat harshly.
She looked afraid, shocked and afraid. I had never swore at her before.
"Bella, I love you, more than anything. I'm sorry. I wish you wouldn't have ever had to meet me. I wish Carlisle would have let me be and I wouldn't have been stuck with this… thing."
"You would rather be dead than be with me?" She asked, tears in her eyes again.
"That's not what I said. I'm a complete disappointment to you, though. You…" I couldn't believe I thought… I couldn't say it.
"What?" she asked.
"You would have been better off not knowing me. You could be happy… with Jake. I've seen that he's more… normal."
"How can you say that to me?" she asked. "After everything, Edward, how can you believe that I would be better off with someone else, with Jake? I married you. You are my choice."
"You've said yourself that you didn't have a choice, Bella. We just are."
"Yes, we are. And I love you. Everything about you."
I laughed humorlessly. "We both know you can't lie, Bella. And that was a really shitty try."
"You want honest? Fine. I wish your… penis wasn't stuck in 1918. I wish it was bigger, but you know what, Edward? I love you regardless. And I love it because it's part of you. I love your 1918 penis."
I laughed. I full out laughed, snorting and everything. She was full of shit. No one loved my "1918 penis" but I wasn't going to fight with her about it. I loved her, and if she really loved me regardless, than I guess we were going to have figure out our sex life.
Sometime in my laughing fit, she wrapped her hand around me. "Fuck me," she cooed.
I sobered up fast, my laughs dying off with a gasp. Did she just? I replayed her words in my mind. Holy mother of… Oooh.
Her heels dug into my ass and she pulled me forward. Once again, I slid right into her. I sighed, because nothing ever felt so much like home.
I could hardly move, fucking her wasn't even an option. Mini-thrusts… she got not pleasure what so ever from the minimal contact, but I felt surrounded by heat, wet, and soft. I angrily grabbed the headboard and it cracked under the pressure of my hands. I allowed my hips to press into hers harder than I should have and almost heard the bruises form as granite connected with soft.
"Oh!" Bella cried, tears springing to her eyes.
I smelled the blood. I broke her hymen. I came immediately after realizing that I took her virginity.
"I love you," I told her firmly, contradicting the actions I just made but couldn't regret.
"Lub oo too," she slurred. Her eyes drooped and her lips pursed. She fell asleep with me still inside of her.
I chuckled to myself. Not only did I have miniscule mast, but my sex was boring enough to put her to sleep.
A/N: Everything makes sense now, doesn't it? Edward's got a tiny wenis, which is why he's a prude, and totes why he broke headboards and shiz!
LMAO. So, writing this, I keep getting glimpses of him glaring at me. He is seriously glaring at me. My 2010 Twilight calendar is open to January and Edward has his murderous glare aimed right at me, while Bella is all pressed against him thinking, She's delusional, Edward, calm down. Everyone knows you're rocking a foot long.
Anyways, you little peen lovers can thank the lovely Strae for this. She beta'd.
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