All recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
This chapter has been beta'd by the ever amazing: Strae
Bella got out of the car, leaving her books purposely behind so her father wouldn't be suspicious. I'd bring them tomorrow morning.
The car ride home was dull. Every mile I put between us hurt more. If there was ever a man that was wrapped around his girl's finger, it was me and I wanted it. Maybe I should call her… No, she'd call if she wanted to talk. Or maybe she won't. She might be too shy.
You just left five minutes ago, give the girl a little space. But I didn't want to. I wanted to go back and climb the tree on the back side of her house. I wanted to sleep in her room and never leave her side again. You have issues. Yes, I do.
I sighed to myself. I wouldn't call tonight, it was already late, she had better things to do – and I'm sure I could find something to preoccupy myself with.
It was 10:13 PM, and my mother was probably worrying herself sick. I was surprised she hadn't called yet. I'd really betrayed everyone's trust. I deserved so much worse. Mom didn't even actually ground me. Bella forgave me and agreed to date me. My dad didn't do more than complain about the gray hairs I was causing. And my friends were already over it. Why was it that I – of all people – had believed myself to be so unfortunate?
I'm a lucky bastard. I have decent parents who love me and treat me right. I am officially dating the love of my life. I have the best friends anyone could ask for. Not to mention the fact that my family is rich; money may not be able to buy happiness, but it sure makes life a whole hell of a lot easier.
There was so much to make up for. I had to earn my parents' trust, and Bella's trust. I had to show Bella how much she means to me. It was amazing how much damage one damaged person can do.
I pulled into the garage and picked up some of the garbage that was left over in the car. I began to wonder how much homework I'd have to make up and then smiled. What a perfect excuse to spend time with Bella.
I walked to the house happily. Walking! Bella….
"Carlisle, he's walking, he's walking!" I heard my mother yelling as I came in through the side door.
She came bounding for me as I made my way through the living room and I stopped and braced myself for whatever type of attack was coming. She looked way too happy to see me.
"You're walking, you're walking!"
"Mom, I've been walking for close to eighteen years, it isn't a big accomplishment." I couldn't keep a smile off my face or out of my voice as I said it.
"How does it feel? Does it hurt? Are you okay? Should you lie down? Do you want some ice? Anything, can I get you anything?" The questions were flying out of her mouth so fast I couldn't tell one from the other.
"Mom… Mom… Mom!" I cut off her worried questions. She went silent and looked anxiously at me. "I'm okay. I can get myself anything I need."
"Edward, don't overdo anything. Just because you are walking doesn't mean you can't ask for help." She started with her worried babble again. I sighed and pulled her into a hug, making her quiet.
"You smell like a girl," she informed me.
I giggled. Did I really smell like Bella? Maybe a shower wasn't such a good idea. If I really had Bella's scent on me I wasn't about to wash it away, even for fun time with my imaginary Bella.
"Why do you smell like a girl?" she asked, pulling away from me. I grinned. "And why are you so happy? Oh my god…. Carlisle! He's walking and smiling!"
"Good man," my dad said as he walked in the dining room.
"Thank you, dad," I said, meaningfully. I hoped he knew that I meant for more than just this.
He locked eyes with me for a few brief moments and we had a silent exchange. He knew what I meant.
With that, I kissed my mom's cheek and said I was pretty tired. She released me and I walked to my room. After closing my door, I leaned back against it and pulled my shirt off, smelling it. I could smell her but just barely. She seemed far away, her scent lingering faintly.
I thought back over the day's events. It was a long day, so long but so short at the same time – and so good.
Bella loved me. She fucking kissed me. God, she could kiss! The taste of her, the way her lips shaped to mine, her tongue like velvet.
Yep, I needed a shower. I peeled my confining jeans and boxer-briefs off and went into the bathroom. I turned on only the light above the shower and made the water nice and hot before taking off my brace and getting into the steamy enclosure.
I didn't even need imaginary Bella, memories of the real one were just fucking perfect.
The popsicle incident. The top halves of her breasts that she kept accidentally revealing to my greedy eyes. Her electric tongue on mine. The sounds she made when I kissed her neck. Her hands trying desperately to pull my hair.
Oh fuck. I locked my jaw to keep any sounds I may be making muffled. My poor shower wall got defiled, though the water rinsed away the evidence. The wall would forever be known as my jerk off wall.
Tired, I quickly soaped up and shampooed, rinsed, and finished up. I dried and put my brace back on then walked to my bed, carrying my phone with me, just in case.
– – –
Bang, bang, bang, bang.
"Edward, get up!"
Damn it. I overslept again. I hadn't slept that good since… shit. Was it a dream? Another perfect and great nightmare?
No, there's my brace. Bella, fuck! I need to get Bella. Trust, responsibility, earning my forgiveness. I moved as quickly – yet hesitantly – as possible getting ready. I had to look, smell, and be presentable and be to Bella's house in fifteen minutes.
Chief Swan, you can't slow me down, I've got a promise to keep to your daughter.
I hurriedly kissed my mom and got into my car. I don't want to even know what would have happened to my car, let alone me, if I would have crashed. It was a good thing speed didn't scare me.
Thankfully, Charlie was gone. I pulled into his normal parking space and put the car in park. A minute late. Damn it.
Carrying Bella's books, I went to the door and knocked. Alice, carrying a cereal bowl, opened the door. She smiled at me when she saw me, ushering me in, then gave my waist a one-armed hug.
"Oh, Edward, thank you," she said in a hushed tone. "Bella, Edward's here!" she called up the stairs.
I swear I heard Bella mutter, "Shit" then something hit the floor and she was muttering again. A few moments passed and there was some more banging, muttering, then an "Ouch" that had me climbing the stairs I was suppose to be starting lightly on.
"What are you breaking now?" Alice hollered, racing me up the stairs. "You've been in there for an hour and a half, why didn't you just let me do it for you?"
What the hell was she doing in there? Alice yanked on the locked doorknob and annoyingly started kicking the bottom of the door until Bella flung it open. Her eyes were angry as she stared at her cousin, then she spotted me and turned a whole different shade of red, though it was hard to tell.
Bella wasn't her naturally radiant, beautiful self, there was makeup conflicting it, hiding it. Her clothes were not her typical style either, she looked preppy like. And her hair was all done, tied half up and more curly than usual.
What the hell was this all about? This wasn't Bella, not the Bella I knew. She didn't wear makeup, she didn't wear short sleeved hoodies and whitewashed capris, her hair wasn't perfectly set. It dawned on me then that this wasn't Bella.
Bella had said, "I'm not upset, it's just that… you had… relations with a Rosalie, and now you're kissing… me." And I had misunderstood completely. As usual, I wasn't even on the same wavelength as her. Why is she doing this?
She is the most desirable to me, how could she think I'd want her to change who she is? God damn it Bella, how am I suppose to tell you that I don't like you wearing makeup and this… this preppy, cheerleader clothes?
Truth, even if it could hurt her.
I'd been standing there, staring like an idiot, trying to figure out what to do for a few drawn out moments. "I brought your books," I said plainly, holding them up.
Her reply was as uncomfortable and brilliant as mine. "Thanks. Um, I'm ready to go."
Yep, this wasn't us at all. "Great, can I just talk to you for a moment first?"
"Um…." She nodded.
I walked towards her bedroom and waited by the door so I could close it after she walked through. Alice was smirking at Bella, who was blushing as she walked past.
Be gentle. I closed the door and started softly, "Bella, what is this all about?"
She looked, or played, confused. "What do you mean? You asked me to come in here to talk?"
I pointed to her, motioning, hoping she'd get my point. I really didn't know how I was suppose to say this… she's so fragile, I don't want to upset her. "What are you doing?"
She looked down and looked at her clothes. She hesitantly looked back up to me and with sad eyes, said, "You don't like it?"
"Bella, I love you – you! This isn't you."
"You don't like it," she said sadly, looking at the ground.
I groaned and walked up to her, lifting her chin. "Bella, I love you. I love you the way you are and I didn't say I don't like it, I just want you. I want my Bella, not Bella two-point-oh. I don't know what you're telling yourself, but please stop."
Her eyebrows knit together. "What do you mean?"
"I mean we didn't understand each other last night. You said something about me and 'a Rosalie,' I misunderstood, assuming you meant a trashy girl and now you look like this, this morning."
"I look trashy?"
"God, Bella, no! Would you just listen to me? I love you. You!" I was yelling now, trying to get my point across. It wasn't working very well.
I didn't realize Jasper was here until he yelled, "Stop yelling at her," up the stairs. Thank you, Jasper.
"Sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to yell." I rubbed her shoulders. She was looking at the ground, appearing so very heartbroken.
"What did I do wrong?" she asked.
I sighed and cupped her chin again, making her look at me. "Nothing Bella, you didn't do anything wrong. Did I say you did something wrong?"
"You didn't have to," she muttered.
"You are really not getting my point here, Bella. Please answer my question. I think I know what this is about, why you did it, but just to clarify, why did you do this?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." She's so stubborn, I guess I just had to flat out say it.
"Bella, this isn't you. You don't wear clothes like this, you don't do your hair like that, you don't wear makeup, and I love you for that. Now, why did you do this?"
Her fiery eyes looked up to mine. "Why do you think I did it?" she spat. "I'm not Rosalie or Tanya, I don't know why I even tried. I'll never be them, Edward."
For being so smart, she is so insanely stupid. "Listen to me, Bella!" Yes, I was yelling again, talking calmly never works. "In case you haven't noticed, I hate Rosalie, and I never had any feelings for Tanya-"
She cut me off. "Oh, you obviously had feelings for her." Her voice was dripping with lethal cynicism.
"I did not, I do not fucking have feelings for her," I growled through clenched teeth. "Listen to me, goddamn it."
"Don't bring God into this. We're going to be late for school."
"I don't give a fuck. We're not leaving until you listen to me."
"I hear you loud and clear, Edward, I'm-"
"No! You don't fucking hear me. You aren't Rosalie and you aren't Tanya, and that is the reason I'm in love with you, Bella! You'll never be a stupid fucking blonde that doesn't know a chromosome from a pheromone. You are perfect with your sweatshirts and jeans, hiding behind your hair reading some sappy romance novel. I love you, why can't you see that?"
She didn't say anything, she still didn't believe me? "Do you want all the gory fucking details, Bella, because I can give them to you, but you're never going to look at me the same if I tell you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You, Bella, and me. You are the only person that has ever appealed to me. You are the only person I've ever loved, and you're the only person I'll ever love. I already told you once, I'll say it again in case you didn't hear me the first time. I may have been fucking Tanya," we both winced as I just flat out said it, "but all I saw, all I thought about was you. I was hurting so fucking bad, Bella, and I made that terrible goddamn mistake and even if I want to, I can't take it back, but never did I think about anyone besides you. I said your name, never has anyone else's name came from my lips.
"And I'm not trying to make excuses for myself either, even if that is what it sounds like. I'm just trying to get through to you here. Still don't believe me? Fine then, we'll get even more descriptive. You don't know how many times, how many, many times I locked myself in my bathroom-"
"Jesus Christ, Edward, don't fucking tell her that!" Jasper yelled frantically.
He thundered up the stairs impossibly fast, flinging Bella's door open, and I was suddenly being dragged by my collar away from Bella. "She doesn't believe me, I'll tell her to make her believe me."
"Excuse us, Bella, Edward needs a lesson in manners," he spoke gentlemanly to my sweet, shocked girlfriend.
No, I wasn't thinking rationally, hell, I was out of fucking control. But I wouldn't lose her again. I'd tell her I jerked off in my shower hundreds of times, even last night, thinking about her if it would make her realize she was the only person I was attracted to.
Jasper pulled me awkwardly down the hall, closing Bella's door in her shocked, red face. "What the fuck are you thinking?" he whisper-yelled at me, pushing me harshly into a wall still holding my shirt by the collar.
"I'm not fucking ashamed, goddamn it. I love her, and I'll say anything that needs to be said to make her realize it!" I yelled loudly. The neighbors could probably hear me.
"Shut up, just shut up!" he yelled quietly at me. "She knows you love her, you stupid prick."
"No, she obviously doesn't," I hollered. "She doesn't believe me-"
The door flew open and Bella was at my side in an instant. "Don't call him a stupid prick, and get your fucking hands off of him," she yelled at Jasper.
Okay, I can honestly say I've never been so turned on in my life. One – Bella had pulled the pins from her hair, leaving it cascading wildly in curls around her head, changed out of the preppy shit into her normal jeans and t-shirt. Two – She was defending me. Three – She totally just said "Fuck".
Jasper looked just as shocked as I was, though I don't think that was possible. I knew my mouth was hanging open and if Jasper didn't watch out he was going to getting knocked over by my raging erection. Fuck, Bella is hot when she's mad – which I already knew, but watching her yell at someone else was just… fucking drool worthy.
"Jasper," she yelled, "let go of my boyfriend!"
He actually looked a little afraid as he gulped, releasing the collar of my shirt and straightening it. He gave me a look that conveyed both his shock, fear, and apology then departed down the stairs to Alice, who was standing at the bottom looking both afraid and thrilled.
"You said 'fuck'," I said to Bella, smirking.
She ignored me and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door a bit loudly. I heard the tap start and I knew she was washing that crappy makeup off her perfect face. I walked to the door and waited.
"We're going to school," Alice half whispered up to me. I nodded down at her and she looked undecided on if it was safe to leave or not. I smiled and nodded again. She smiled back and turned to leave.
The front door opened and closed and Jasper's Shelby Mustang purred to life and I heard them leave completely. The tap turned off and a few moments passed and I heard Bella sigh. There was some rough pulling noises that I imagine were from Bella pulling a brush through her hair. I winced, it sounded so painful as the brush bristles connected with snarls in her delicate hair. Finally, she moved towards the door and opened it.
I don't think she expected me to be standing right there, but she was unsurprised nonetheless. She stood there, eye level with and staring at my chest. I reached hesitantly upwards and gently brushed a lock of her wild hair behind her ear. She sighed and looked up at me. There was just a faint trace of mascara and eye liner left on her eyes, her cheeks were burning red with her natural blush and color.
My beautiful Bella.
"I'm sorry," seemed like a good place to start. "I know I say stupid things. I know I yell, and for those things I am sorry, but not nearly as sorry as I am for all the terrible mistakes that I've made. And I shouldn't have been saying those things. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, but I'm not ashamed-"
"Edward, shut up," she said, cutting off my rambling apology that was getting into the uncomfortable territory again.
I pushed my lips together, making myself do as she asked. She was breathing funny as she looked up at me, her nostrils flaring in an uneven rate. She licked her lips then and that did me in.
I leaned down and caught her lips with mine, too aggressive as always. She didn't seem to mind. Both of us still had some left over anger, I think that's what was making us both so forceful – or her at least, my forcefulness probably was because I honestly felt like there was no way physically possible to be close enough to her.
Her hands came to the back of my head and she pressed our lips and bodies closer together as she reached up on her tippy toes, kissing me like her life depended on it. God, those fucking lips. I parted mine with a moan, tangling my tongue with hers as she shoved it happily into my mouth. My hands went to her sides and found skin, sending my body into a frenzy.
Don't do it, Cullen, don't do it, my head chanted logically. Too fucking bad, I'm doing it.
I slid my hands down over her ass and grasped the backs of her thighs, lifting her easily up to me and pushing her back into the bathroom door. My brain was slow, and it took a few moments for me to realize that the intense pleasure I was feeling was her warm, jean clad core held directly against my straining zipper.
Fuck, she would definitely feel that. I lifted her higher, suddenly being a bit modest. It was one thing to admit what she did to me, it was completely different for her to feel what she did to me. Then again, maybe that would just be another point in the direction of her understanding just how attracted to her I was.
Don't put it back against her, you pervert. I went with my head on that one. I wasn't going to purposely rub my boner all over her, even if I really, really wanted to.
I didn't realize I couldn't breathe until my lungs ached in a painful way as I fought for air through my nose. Fuck, I was going to suffocate us. I pulled back and moved my lips to her neck. Same as last night, her head went back and I swear her fingers tightened in my hair. I really needed to watch what I was doing or I was going to end up giving her a hell of a hickey.
I smirked to myself. God, I wanted that so bad. A nice, purple reminder on her neck that flashed "I belong to Cullen, so don't even think about it."
No. I scraped my teeth lightly and defiantly against her tender throat. But the damn head was right, no hickeys. Yet.
"We're going to be late," Bella panted above me. Fucking school. "Really, really late." She really didn't sound all that upset about it. "Oh, God," she gasped suddenly, and I'd thought I'd done something right until she was pulling my head away from her neck. "Your knee, put me down, you're going to hurt your knee."
"It doesn't hurt at all actually," I told her quickly between a kiss to her throat.
She lowered her head back down, now denying me access to my play area. I couldn't help but get a little mad, not that I had the right. I sighed, realizing I had to do as she asked… One more kiss wouldn't kill anyone.
"Edward," she warned as I leaned back in. I shut her up with my lips quite effectively.
How can one single person taste so fucking good? So fucking good. She tried not to let her lips part when I parted mine, I could feel her trying to hold it together. My bad side gave an evil laugh as I sucked at her perfect lips. My tongue didn't even have to fight its way in, she shoved her tongue into my mouth willingly. I would have laughed but why laugh when you can moan.
I could be a good boy though, I was still in the doghouse and I needed to follow her orders. As I slid my tongue out of her mouth, I let her start to slide down my body. My hands ended way up the back of her shirt when she was finally back on the ground. I wasn't complaining, and it's not like I put them there purposely. I didn't take a step back but just stood there, holding her between me and the bathroom door while she again stared at my chest.
That reminded me, I forgot to… or didn't have the time to work out this morning. I'd have to remember to do that tonight, after studying with Bella – or maybe before, since she might not want me here or have plans.
I stared down at the top of her head and as she shifted her weight, I again realized way too late that I was pressing my hard on right against the poor girl. I backed away, cringing. I really need to start watching where I put that thing.
Neither of us said anything as we made our way out to my car. I took my time on the stairs, testing my leg. It probably wasn't the best idea to go up there yet, but hey, I didn't regret it. Bella grabbed her book bag and opened the door for me, then closed and locked it with the 'hidden' key on the top of the door frame. You'd think a police chief would be more original.
We were also silent on the car ride. My silence was comfortable, I was just happy to be here with her. But what was she thinking? I hated when she was silent, she was thinking when she was silent, and God only knows what about. I pulled into a free space in the cramped parking lot and Bella sighed.
I put the car in park and shut it off, and before I could even remove my seatbelt, Bella got out of the car and I swore I heard her mutter, "Here goes nothing."
I was ruining things again. Putting her in more uncomfortable situations. Everyone would know now. First we skip school together completely, now we show up late together. Might as well have hung a sign around our necks that said 'we're fucking' because that's what everyone was going to think. I didn't care, why would I, but Bella...
I sighed. Damn it, why couldn't I ever do the right thing? I could have just kept my mouth shut and we could have made it to school on time. But then Bella would still have been in a shitty situation thinking that I had feelings for or cared more for Tanya – or, God forbid, Rosalie – than her.
There was never a win-win situation for Edward Cullen. Quit your fucking whining, you had Bella pinned to a wall and your tongue down her throat… How is that not win-win? Okay, good point. I swear, Bella knew exactly what I was thinking as she gave me a wide grin. Her eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint. She was so fucking sexy.
As she said: here goes nothing!
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