All recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
This chapter has been beta'd by the ever amazing: Strae
It was around seven in the morning when I got through Sacramento and started hitting the somewhat lighter traffic heading north. I pulled my cell phone out and did the unthinkable; I called Alice, before I called my mother.
Alice would be awake and getting ready for school by now. It barely rang and she was on the line. "Oh god, Edward, are you okay?"
I forced a chuckle and said, "Yes, Alice, I'm fine."
"Ohh," she sighed. "Edward, I was so worried. What were you thinking?"
"Alice, how about you just tell Jasper and Emmett that I'm on my way home, okay?"
She hesitated. "Bella has been-"
"I have to go Alice, I'll see you soon. I should be home around seven or so tonight, you and Jasper and Emmett can come over if you want."
"What about-"
"No, Alice," I said, cutting her off again.
"But Edward, she's been really-"
"No," I said firmly. Alice obviously knew by now what had happened. This was Alice we were talking about, she could weasel information out of a British Foot Guard.
"Edward, I know you don't want to hear it, but don't you dare cut me off again and don't hang up," she started and so I hung up.
I dialed my mom's number and was harassed first by angry screaming, then loving coos, then screams again, and then she started crying, and I hadn't said a word yet.
"I'll be home around seven tonight," I informed her when she had calmed down enough for me to get a word in edgewise.
"Don't you ever do this to me again, Edward," she scolded loudly, lovingly, while she was crying.
"I'm sorry, mom," I told her.
She gave a huge sob and the crying started all over again. I got the "you're my only son" lecture, "what were you thinking?" seemed to be a common question, "do you have any idea how worried I was?" was another favorite, "I love you" was her final repetition, saying it over and over again until she was sure I got it.
"I love you too, mom," I repeated, close to ten times before she finally told me to drive safe, and then contradicted that by telling me to get home quickly.
I did drive quickly, that was the only way to drive. Slow and steady caused just as many accidents as fast and reckless did. I was never as alert going 65 as I was going 85. At least I wasn't breaking 100 going home…okay, maybe a couple times.
I kept my mind on track as I drove, feeling the warm breeze slowly turning cooler as I sped north. Watching the blue skies go gray as I neared the upper northwest. This was home. Home was where I belonged and some little girl was not going to run me off.
The barely noticeable driveway was nearing and I slowed down, taking it slowly. The curvy driveway through the trees led me to my home and I pulled around to the disconnected garage. After cutting the engine, I just sat in the car for a while, in the dark.
I didn't get long. The garage light came on and my car door was flung open and Mr. I-don't-know-what-personal-space-is grabbed me out of the car. Emmett's hugs still frightened me, he was capable of killing a man with just a hug. Bear hugs took a whole new meaning when he gave you one.
Emmett's voice was booming and loud as he yelled at me, cussing me out for being a mentally challenged nincompoop. "But I love you anyway, and don't disappear again you…" the insults started flying again.
Alice was making the scariest sounding, high pitched keening I'd ever heard and I felt the unbearable impulse to plug my ears. After Emmett finally put me down, that tiny woman jumped me. Her little fists were connecting with me all over, not hurting in the slightest, but her intent was clear and the emotion she was putting into it really did hurt.
Jasper calmed her down enough to make her stop hitting me, I sure wasn't going to stop her, and she hugged me instead. "What were you thinking? How could you do that to us? Do you know how scared we were that something happened to you? We thought you were going to hurt yourself. Bella," I cringed, "locked herself in her room the rest of the weekend. She was so upset."
"Alice, Alice, sweetie, you need to be quiet now," Jasper told her.
"No. I don't care if he doesn't want to hear," she yelled at him, still clinging to me. I couldn't push her away and I had to stand there and take the pain she was going to inflict on me.
Or maybe I didn't. Emmett's huge hands grabbed Alice's little arms that were wrapped around my waist, as she started to tell me about how much Bella had been hurt, and he pulled her away from me.
"Don't hurt her," Jasper warned.
"Wouldn't think of it," Emmett said, dragging the fighting Alice away, which left just me and Jasper.
And Jasper knew me best. He said nothing, just grabbed my things from my car and walked with me as I made my way to the house. His silent presence calmed me in the most mysterious way.
As we reached the door Jasper said, "What Alice meant to say is that we're glad you're back. Will you be in school tomorrow?"
"I don't know, probably not."
He nodded, then touched my arm. "If you need to talk, you know how to find me. Don't run off again," he said.
I nodded. His calming aura might be needed and I could say it a hundred times over, Jasper knew me best. "Did you all drive together?" I asked him.
"No, Emmett came separate, but I brought Alice."
"Would you be weirded out if I asked you to spend the night?" I asked, feeling weird already.
He laughed. "Yes, you homo. No, seriously, I was going to make Emmett take Ali home anyway and force myself on you."
I had to chuckle. "Oh, really?"
"Not like that, perv. But I'll totally spend the night with you, Edward," he said in a girly tone and then flipped his hair.
I laughed at his gayness. "You scare me," I admitted, jokingly, and opened the front door, completely unprepared for the psychotic attacking I was going to get.
My mother nearly tackled me to the ground she hugged me so hard. Her housewife lipstick was smeared all over my face by the time she was done with me and I wouldn't be surprised if she never said anything other then "I love you" for the rest of her life. I'd turned my mom into a crazy mess.
"Esme, dear, he's alright, see. He's fine," my dad tried to calm her.
She turned on him, still holding onto me for dear life, but turned her head to yell at my father. "How could you let him leave?"
He didn't even looked fazed by her outburst. I would assume he got yelled at a lot in my absence. I'd really hurt everyone with my leaving.
"He tried to stop me, mom, he really did, but I'm an adult, I made the decision to… run away." I hated calling it that, but truthfully, that's what I did.
"You're grounded," she yelled at me, still not easing her grip on my ribs.
"I know," I said. "How ever long you say mom."
"Forever," she sobbed into my chest. "You're not to leave me ever again. I love you."
"Okay, okay. It's okay, Mom. I love you too, but I haven't eaten in nearly a week, what do you say to making me some supper?"
That perked her up, almost. She loved to cook, but I got scolded again for not eating. She asked what I wanted and waffles sounded tasty.
"Jasper's staying over," I told her.
"Oh, do you think he'll want some?" she asked, getting everything ready.
"I'm sure he will, mom, your waffles are the best."
She smiled at that. I sat at the raised counter and watched as she put everything together. Just as Jasper was entering the kitchen, my mom made her way to the fridge. She was digging around inside and as she started to pull something out, Jasper slid up behind her and whispered something to her.
She looked so confused. "But they are his favorite," she said.
Jasper whispered something else and a sad, understanding look crossed her face. She came out with blueberries and whipped cream and I figured out what the little chat was all about.
Strawberries. They used to be my favorite. I had to hand it to Jasper, he was good. I'd have lost my appetite at the smell of strawberries.
Jasper pulled out a stool next to me and sat down. Again a mysterious wave of calm seemed to emit from him. I don't know how him simply sitting next to me could work to make me feel better, but it did.
I felt sick after finally getting food into my stomach and Jasper and I went into the living room to play Rock Band on the flat screen. Dad and Mom retired to their personal duties; Carlisle in his office and Esme in hers. Jasper kicked ass on the drum set, while I killed the guitar.
It wasn't until about four o'clock in the morning that I finally got tired. Jasper hadn't said a word about being tired the entire time and I would assume he was just "being there" for me. He followed me to my room and collapsed his ass into the leather chair in the corner and fell instantly asleep. I kicked off my socks and jeans and laid into my bed, falling asleep just as quickly.
– – –
We were finally alone together again, in that place I saw her last. Her hand was in mine and I felt whole.
"Do you love me?" I asked her.
She gave me her beautiful smile and sat down on the blanket, pulling on my hand so that I'd join her. I sat down next her and she made a face then scooted into my lap, resting her head on my shoulder.
"Of course I love you, you're Edward Cullen," she said very matter-of-factly.
"What does that mean?" I asked her softly, inhaling the strong, sweet scent of her hair.
She turned her head to the side and nuzzled my cheek then gently brushed her lips against it. "It means that just as you loved me from the first time we met, I loved you too. You're irresistible to me, you know, I was just too shy to admit it. I've loved you forever and I will love you forever," she told me.
I wrapped my arms around her thin waist and looked out across the ocean to the setting sun. It was getting chilly and Bella hugged my arms closer to her.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked me softly.
"Of course, my love, anything," I answered.
"Who's body do you enjoy more, mine or Tanya's? Honestly."
I snorted. What a silly question. "Bella, my love, my only love, you are the only woman I have ever found to be irresistibly attractive. Tanya doesn't have the brains and beauty that you do. She holds less then one tenth, no, one hundredth the beauty you possess. Look at me," I urged her. Her deep, dark brown eyes locked onto mine. "I will never, ever find anyone as attractive as I find you. You are the only woman I long for, the only woman I care to hold in my arms, the only woman I want to be with."
She stopped me there, even though I could have gone on for days, by pressing her lips to mine. "But who's body do you enjoy more?" she asked me.
I was confused. "Love, I just told you."
She shook her head. "No, you told me you find me more attractive, but you didn't tell me who's body is more satiable, more gratifying to you?"
"We haven't made love, sweetheart," I said, confused. "Though, I know it's you."
"Then why did you sleep with her, Edward? If you knew who could please you, why did you leave me? I'm the one who loves you, I'm the one you love. Why did you do this to me?"
And her face turned broken. Her brown eyes drowned me with tears that shattered my heart.
– – –
I woke with a start, my own loud sob waking me from a dead sleep. I jumped out of bed, feeling the unease of vomit rising, but failed to remember the fact that I wasn't wearing my brace and didn't have a healed leg. I came crashing to the floor with a hard thud and my stomach heaved violently.
I'd forgotten Jasper was even here until he was dragging me to the bathroom where I just barely made it to the toilet before spewing the remnants of waffles into the porcelain bowl. I wretched and sobbed, dying all over again. It hadn't been this bad in California.
Jasper left me, but returned quickly with my brace and crutches. I didn't want them. I collapsed backwards into the wall and slid to the cold tile floor, convulsing with the pain. I was sweating, despite my shivering.
I hadn't ever had her, why did it hurt so bad? How could I love her so much when she was never mine? How could the thought of her pain hurt me so much when she was the one who had caused me this pain?
"Get out," I sobbed at Jasper, not wanting anyone to have a clue how bad off I really was – like I really had a chance of hiding it now.
He obeyed my order and left me, closing the bathroom door.
I don't know how many hours I stayed there, letting the images of her harass me. And Jasper played guard dog. It was Friday morning some time, he wasn't going to school. I heard Emmett show up and Jasper turned him away. Alice showed up too, Jasper let her apologize through the door. My dad said goodbye through the door, and my mom begged to come in.
I didn't talk. I just sat there in a pathetic heap on the hard tile. My knee was throbbing, probably nice and damaged after the strain I'd put on it. I'd have to have my dad look at it when he got home.
"You wanted to see me?" he asked.
I didn't recall saying it out loud, but apparently I had told Jasper. The door opened slowly and I composed myself as much as possible.
My dad's eyes were pained as he looked at me, but he said nothing. "I landed on my knee this morning," I told him.
He nodded and knelt down by my injured knee. "Did you ice it?"
I shook my head. He shook his too, in disappointment. A doctor's son who doesn't do the R.I.C.E. procedure after an injury, how unacceptable.
He felt around my knee, which surprisingly wasn't too tender and instructed me to put some ice on it now, to get my ass off the floor, and to elevate it. He helped me stand up.
"I know what it's like," he said. "The first love is always the hardest, Edward, but life goes on. You need to grow up, son."
Gee, where did I hear that crap advice before? I think I'll stick with my plan, thanks so much. I have two more days to get this out of my system, closer to sixty hours, actually, to heal myself up, sew the pieces into place and deal with it. I had it all under fucking control.
Right Jasper? Where the fuck is Jasper? I need Jasper and his Silvia Brown bullshit abilities. There he is. I was practically clinging to him, poor guy. Oh well, he was here, he was going to help me.
I tried eating again, which always seemed to be fine while I was doing it, it was later it always came back to bite me.
And then Jasper asked me about my feelings. It hardly took a dirty look and he shut up. I depended on his silent calming powers, not his gay, "let's talk about our feelings" bullshit.
We played Rock Band again and I calmed right down. My hands were sore from playing so much, but I didn't mind. Emmett showed up after school and Jasper went home. I felt oddly like I was being babysat, switching sitters when needed.
Emmett was different then Jasper, more… rugged. He literally drug my ass outside and pelted me with footballs until I started catching them and tossing them back. I started enjoying myself. It felt so unreal.
My knee wasn't bothering me and I felt myself relaxing, tossing the pigskin as hard as I could. I made Emmett dive frequently, chucking the ball with force he didn't expect, in every direction. I wanted to run. Running would so help me right now… alas, the fucking knee. If I ever felt like killing that fucker who did this to me, it was now more then ever.
"Stop trying to fucking kill me, you asshole," Emmett yelled when I threw a particularly hard pass, making him dive into the mud to catch it. Emmett didn't miss…Emmett never missed a pass.
I laughed and he chucked the ball back at me, bombing it right into my chest. It hurt, in a good way. My muscles ached and it felt great. After tossing the ball back to him, I dropped down into the mud and started doing push-ups.
"Edward, what the fuck?" Emmett hollered then started running towards me. "Jesus, I thought you fucking collapsed and were having convulsions or something. It's about time you started working out again, that physical therapy bullshit they have you doing was turning you into a pussy."
I laughed, then challenged myself, putting my left arm behind my back. Combined with the fact that I already had my bad leg raised so I wouldn't unnecessarily damage my knee, I collapsed down into the mud on my second attempt at a one arm push. It was pathetic, I was so weak. Emmett laughed at me, and I laughed at myself for being such a pussy.
Emmett took off running then and I heard a high pitched scream. I didn't stop my push-ups to see what was going on, all I knew was it was getting closer.
"Emmett, it's muddy, stop. Emmett, stop. Emmett!" Alice screamed and then her weight was on my back. "Edward, if you get me muddy, so help me. I'll kill you both. These are new shoes and jeans! Don't, Edward! God, Jasper!"
This was perfect. Alice was a light little thing, and frightening as hell when new clothes was involved. I knew my ass was grass if I got her muddy, so I did my push-ups with her on my back and didn't get her muddy, afraid for my life if I splattered mud on her.
Jasper finally rescued her off of me and I rolled over and Emmett immediately stood on my toes. I kept my eyes on the dark sky above thinking of nothing but the wonderful burning muscles in my abdomen.
"He a machine, a machine!" Emmett growled. "Look at him go!"
Alice giggled, then her phone rang. Well, I hope it was hers anyway, because if Jasper or Emmett's ringtone was "It's Raining Men" I would have shot them in the foot – since they didn't have any balls.
Alice answered quietly and I knew immediately who it was. Jasper started carrying her away and I ignored her. Emmett started singing, "It's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men," as an entertaining distraction.
I just got pissed off at them all for treating me like a baby and started going even faster. My stomach positively burned and I fucking loved it. Emmett started grumbling about being bored, and my knee was starting to feel funny so I quit, rolling over again and going back to push-ups. At least I found something to soothe me.
Emmett for some reason decided to spend the night that night. Maybe him and Jasper had a talk and decided I needed someone with me at all times.
I dreamed of her again and my morning started off crappy, though I got Emmett to agree to take me to the gym.
I didn't cry or vomit so I took that as an improvement. Emmett requested an omelet at my mother's expense and she cooked us each one while she was at it. I picked at mine, eating only the burning hot eggs and the scorching, melted cheese. It made me feel a bit warmer.
I left all the meat and vegetables and when it cooled off to a more normally desirable temperature, I was done. I nearly went to Emmett's Jeep then thought better of it. I pulled my car around front and had my iPod attached to the stereo and cranked as high as it would go on some heavy metal.
Emmett cringed but said nothing as I sped out towards Forks High, which had an open gym on the weekends. I hated this fucking school more than ever, but this was necessary. My speed bag was flat and the punching bag was broken after Emmett tried to tackle it in a drunken rage one night.
I'd have to have Esme order me a new one.
I warmed up with my "pussy" physical therapy crap and did some plain old push-ups and sit-ups again. When I felt the urge to begin, I attacked the speed bag first. I beat it until I couldn't feel my knuckles anymore and moved on to the crappy regulation weight bench. Emmett could bench press a whole hell of a lot more then I could, so I removed two twenty-fives to start.
It felt too light so I added two tens and was momentarily pleased. I grabbed two more tens and Emmett started edging closer to me, though I know he thought I didn't notice. I got pissed again and went back to the original weight Emmett was pressing and was pleased to see my arms shaking dangerously from the weight. Emmett tried to step in to spot, but I snapped at him to get the fuck away from me.
He obeyed but stayed close by. I got a bit locked up on one repetition, nearly dropping the bar on my chest, and the pure adrenaline of the possibility of having the huge amount of weight falling to my chest was enough to get it up again. I was huffing and sweating bullets, my arms felt like rubber but I loved it.
When my wrists started to feel like they might snap, I moved on to the punching bag. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage staying even without putting too much weight on my fucked up knee, but I figured it out for a little while. After getting fed up with tipping and fearing the strain on my knee, I grabbed some dumbbells and did some bicep curls until I couldn't even feel the burn anymore because the muscles were so sore they went numb. I finished with a nice strong ab workout that left me panting.
I felt like jell-o by the time I headed for the showers, sweat was pouring so profusely, I don't know how I hadn't passed out. Emmett was walking extremely close to me, so he was probably wondering the same thing. Thank God he wasn't overbearing in the showers; he let me be in there.
I convinced him to come with me again on Sunday. When I wasn't working out, I was studying. Yes, studying. I no longer had a tutor, I didn't need one. I could fucking do this on my own.
I was the Edward Cullen for Christ's sake, I could do whatever the fuck I wanted!
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