All recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
This chapter has been beta'd by the ever amazing: Strae
Sunday, 4 PM, Los Angeles, California, Sierra Drive Cul-de-sac. It felt like some kind of funeral proceeding.
What in the fuck was I doing here? I wondered if that's what dead people think when they see the inside of their casket…
"I need to go alone," someone said, and then I was getting out of the car. I was walking to the door. Jesus Christ, someone stop me! I don't even know what I'm doing here let alone what I'm going to say. And I just kept walking! Fucking hell, stop me!
"Ding-dong," rang the doorbell. Who the ef pushed that? Such a taunting, generic sound.
"I said I've got it!" The gray door creaked open. "Edward?"
"Um, hi Tanya."
I expected a slap. A punch. A kick. Anything! Nothing. Just nothing came. Except a sigh. Then, "what are you doing here, Cullen?"
"I came to, uh, umm," I cleared my throat and decided that her pink painted toenails were not the ones in need of an apology. "I came to apologize."
She blinked at me. "You drove twenty hours to apologize?"
I rubbed my neck, realizing how absolutely retarded this was. "Yeah."
"Have you heard of a telephone? Or a cell phone, perhaps?"
"I needed to do this in person."
Tanya narrowed her black lined eyes at me. "Oh, I see. Okay, go ahead then." She popped a hip and leaned slightly to the side, an amused look on her face.
"I want to apologize for the way I treated you. It was very wrong of me to use you in the way that I did and I feel terrible."
A muscle in my chest spasmed and I reached up to rub it. There was silence until Tanya asked, "Is that it?" I nodded. She pursed her lips, obviously considering what I said. She took a step forward. "That was kind of lame, but I guess if you drove all this way, I can't possibly deny you."
"Really?" I asked. Surely it wasn't this easy!
She grimaced slightly at me. "When did you turn into such a gutless pushover? Even as a virgin you had more spine. Let's get this over with I guess."
Before I knew what was happening, Tanya had a hold of my elbow and was dragging me into the house. The door shut behind us.
– – –
I came back through that door two hours later. I felt so unbelievably abused it wasn't even funny. But I came out alive, stronger. Poor Bella having to sit outside for that long though.
I walked around to the driver's side and pulled the door open. The ding ding ding of the door ajar alarm was the only sound 'til I lightly shut the car door. I sighed as I felt myself slide back into my true being. Beside Bella is where I belong. "What a day," I said, rubbing my eyes and running my hand through my hair for what seemed like the millionth time that day.
I started up the engine and backed out of that driveway for the final time. I nodded towards my uncle's house, though I know I obviously wasn't seen. Still, I had to acknowledge him.
"Are you hungry?" I asked, placing my hand lightly on her shoulder. It slid off as she shrugged. I tickled her ribs. "Gonna answer me, beautiful?"
When my hand got slapped away, I knew something was terribly wrong. She was curled in on herself, her hair shielding her face, her head turned away from me completely. Jesus, what the hell? I peered into the side view mirror and found her face. The fact that she was crying was painfully obvious. I veered the car off onto the shoulder.
"Bella, what's wrong? What happened?" I tried to coax her towards me but she kept herself turned. "I was with her the whole time, she couldn't have come out here," I muttered to myself.
She swung at me, her whole body getting ready to defend if she needed to. The look on her face made me want to cry, it was so heartbroken and the anger she tried to cover it with didn't work. "Yeah, Edward, I know you were with her the whole time, no need to rub it in."
Oh for Christ's sake, she couldn't be serious. "Isabella Marie Swan-" I cut off as she turned away from me. "I don't think so." I made her face me and I secured her hands between my palms, forcing her to meet me eyes – and I was having to be more forceful than I ever wanted to be with her, but this was a necessity. "You will look at me."
I don't know how she got it there, but her palm connected with my cheek, and it wasn't softly. I clenched my jaw then loosened it, to roll it out. I cracked my neck and kept her face between my palms, trying to remain gentle, but she was fighting me every step of the way.
"Third time I've been slapped tonight, go ahead and keep at it." I dropped my hands from her face and leaned way in towards her, offering her the good cheek – the one that didn't have the busted lip. "Just fucking hit me," I told her.
She raised her hand at me again. She stopped just before she slapped me again. "What do you mean third time?"
"What's it matter, Bella? Just keep it up, you obviously have a point to make so just fucking hit me again."
"Edward?"
"What the fuck do you think happened, Bella? Do you think I'm such a fucking prick that I'd bring you here just so I could fuck that whore again? Is that honestly what you think of me?" She started crying again. "Come on Bella, just say it."
"I just… I just saw her. The way she looked at you, the way she looked, the way she led you away."
"And I spent two fucking hours in hell!"
"So did I!" she yelled back.
That thought never crossed my mind. It nearly pulled me up short, but I wasn't backing down now. This had to stop.
"What the fuck is so wrong? What am I doing so wrong that you think so little of me? What is wrong with you? What do you think is so wrong with yourself? I am so in love with you, right now I feel like I'm dying." I stopped myself because that wasn't the path I wanted to go down right now.
Bella's jaw trembled as she tried to get words out. She couldn't do it. I slammed the car back in drive and peeled out off the side of the road. When her hand came to land on my wrist, I pushed it away.
Her sob broke my heart. "Please don't. Please don't push me away. I do that enough for both of us."
"Yeah, you do."
She sobbed again. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? Well, Bella, I don't think you could be anymore sorry that I am. This trip was a mistake. I knew it from the beginning. But I came because you wanted me to. I'd do anything for you and this is what I get in return. Being forgiven hardly makes anything better now, does it? Look where it's left us."
"I'm sorry," she sobbed again.
"Two hours in hell. My own personal hell. And I thought things couldn't get any worse than Forks High. It seems two hours of begging for forgiveness from someone you absolutely despise is worse. Taking someone you consider close to nothing and agreeing with everything they say. Listening to it all. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself what she says isn't worth getting upset over. It still hurts to be degraded. To be slapped. Did it ever cross your mind that I might have needed you? I really could have used a little support. But of course not, that might be out of your comfort zone. And God forbid! Of course you'd think I fucked her."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too, Bella, me too."
"No! I'm sorry to you. I'm sorry." I didn't give her a reply. I couldn't. I just wanted nothing more than to forgive her, but that's not how it worked. We'd end up with more problems than anything for me to just brush this off. As badly as the words stung at me, I held them back. "Edward, I'm sorry," she sobbed desperately.
"You being sorry isn't going to make it all go away." Just like the words 'I forgive you' aren't.
I couldn't see what she was doing, but the choking sobs were unbelievably painful for me to bear. "I know," the words were strangled so she cut herself off to take a breath and start again. "I know you're right. I tried to keep it together, I really did. But she… I told myself that you were only doing what we came here to do but the two hours that I sat out there. All I kept seeing in my mind was her. Her and you. For two hours. And I was stuck there, in the car, and I couldn't even fight for what I wanted because she was going to just have you. She could just have you."
"She couldn't have me, and she can't have me. No one can have me, Bella. I'm yours, I've been yours, I'm only ever going to be yours. Why can't you see that you're the only one for me?"
"Because I'm not! I have to fight for you. I can't just have you, it's not that easy."
"Nothing is easy. And right now you're not fighting for me, Bella, you're fighting against me. Pushing me away just like you always do."
"I'm not pushing you away, I'm trying to open up. Right now I'm trying."
"Not hard enough, because I feel like you're telling me to be with someone else, when I'm telling you I can't."
"I'm not telling you to be with someone else. I don't want you to be with anyone else. Ever! Why do you think I'm acting the way I am? I thought you were being with someone else. It was… is killing me inside. I have to fight for you, even if you feel the way you do, because I'm not the only one who wants to be with you. Everyone wants to be with you! Hell, I think even Emmett wants to be with you! You may think he was just kidding, but I've seen Emmett kid enough to know that the look he was giving you had a much different meaning hidden. And see, you cracking a smile like that, knowing that everyone wants you is the reason I have to fight. Sure, some of them you shut down, but your ego likes to be stroked, you like those people wanting you. That's why I have to fight."
"Do you honestly think I don't feel the same way?"
"You can't feel the same way."
"Oh yes, I can. You are just too goddamn modest, Bella. I may not be able to read minds, but I'm a guy, I know what those perverts are thinking when they look at you! And Emmett would do just about anything if it weren't for Rose, so that's a given. Mike would really like a blowjob from your sexy lips. Tyler would like to fuck you from behind so he can take hold of your perfect hips. Eric…well he's too geeky to get more elaborate than a nice little missionary fuck. James wants to bang your brains out and make you scream, leave you a bit bruised, bite you. Jasper wouldn't mind a threesome, but he's too faithful to Alice to imagine anything dirtier than Alice eating you out while he nails her."
I honestly didn't expect her to speak to me after that, but she did. "So, being a guy, you know these things because you think them too."
"About you, yes. The James one for me is a pleasure pain thing, though. The remnants of that one would just be a reminder of the multiple amazing orgasms I gave you. The way James looks at you, I think he just wants to hurt you."
Much to my surprise, astonishment really, Bella laughed. "So you think about the last one too?"
"I don't think about having sex with anyone but you." Sure, that was a bit of an avoidance.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"No other reason to avoid the question you really asked."
"Guess not."
And for the first time since I got back in the car, there was a thoughtful quiet. I sighed. "Bella, I did not have sex with Tanya today."
"I know that. And I'm really, really sorry that I talked myself into believing you could do that to me. I love you, Edward, and I know you love me, and I do trust you. But my insecurities came back full force when she pulled you in that door with that look on her face. I'm sorry I made you go through all of this and I'm sorry that I slapped you. I'm sorry that she slapped you and I'm sorry that she said whatever she did and I really wish I could go in there and hit her back for you."
I chuckled. "Thank you. Just so you know, it was worth it. I don't think any of this was a mistake. Tanya and I parted as… well, not friends but not enemies either. This was worth it, Bella. I feel like I deserve you now. I don't feel like such a worthless piece of crap. Well, I mean right now I don't. About ten minutes ago I think I equaled less than shit."
"No. You did what you had to. Thank you for everything. And I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize again. This is over. We're going home."
She nodded. "Home." She sighed. "Home. You are my home."
I grinned. "I know. I need to make a stop quick."
I found the nearest Wal-Mart and slid into a parking space. I leaned over the center console and caught Bella's eyes.
"I love you. I'll be right back."
She nodded and I leaned back. "Edward." I stopped midway out the door. When I turned back she was right there. She pressed her lips gently to mine and kissed me harder when I didn't pull away. Her hands worked into my hair and she pulled my bottom lip into her mouth. I hissed as my split lip made contact with hers. She pulled away and looked at my lip. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Don't worry about it," I said, pressing my lips back to hers.
She kissed me back, even pressing her lips to my wound. It hurt in a good way. It split open again after that though and I cursed and started to pull away. I didn't want her to kiss my bloody lip. As always though, Bella surprised me. She placed her hands on either side of my face and pressed her lips back to the cut. She softly ran her tongue over it and the sting seared me to the core. My blood in her mouth shouldn't have meant anything, but it did. Part of me was inside of her.
"I love you," she said in a hoarse voice.
In a somewhat dazed way, I made my way into the store and back to my desired department. It took me a while to find something worth buying, but it was Wal-Mart, what did I expect? On my way to the checkouts, I made a detour because, you know, safety first.
The cashier gave me a funny look for my two choice items, a whopping total of $20.48.
I walked back out to the car, nervous as fuck. I went to the back door first to hide my safety splurge and to take the packaging off of Bella's gift.
Please don't let her think this is stupid. Please just don't let her think I'm a cheap idiot, I willed.
I climbed into the front seat, the gift hidden in my hand. Bella was staring at me, looking somewhat expectant. I suppose my nervousness gave me away.
"Take off your shoe and sock." She gave me a confused look then did ask I asked. "Will you put your foot in my lap?" I got an even more confused look. I didn't blame her. For all she knew, I could be asking for a foot job here.
I took a deep breath and looked into her eyes as her foot settled to rest on my thigh. I let my hands fall onto her foot and I aimlessly started circling her toes. She smiled.
"This is the only way that seemed logical." I presented my gift. "This is my version of a promise ring, Bella. I know it's not what you'd expect, but I figured a regular ring would be too obtrusive. This way it is hidden and no one is the wiser unless you tell them." I didn't know what to do now, so I settled for what was probably considered normal for a wedding proceeding. I placed the ring at the end of her second toe. "I promise to be faithful to you, I promise to always treat you well, I promise that one day, I will give you something better. Will you accept this ring with the promise of better things to come?"
"No," she said. "Edward, I will not take that promise. Nothing could be any better than this."
I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. "Bella, will you please just say yes?"
"Only if you promise to be with me forever, nothing else."
"I promise to be with you forever. Will you accept this ring?"
"Yes!" she exclaimed with a bright smile.
I slid the silver toe ring with the green stone onto her toe and her foot disappeared. Her lips came to mine impossibly fast and she kissed me with all the love in the world.
"This is perfect, Edward. I love it. Thank you." She kissed me again.
A/N: Bella is so stupid sometimes. And I'm proud of Edward for getting angry at her for once. They needed that, I think. And I'm all gooey about the flipping toe ring. Anyone want to guess what his "safety splurge" was? lol
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