All recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
This chapter has been beta'd by the ever amazing: Strae
My father finally allowed me to sit up after another couple of miles. Riding behind him was very awkward and I really longed for Bella's sweet scent and her hair in my face.
When we finally caught up to them, they already had a fire going and beds down. I saw Bella before she saw me with the help of the firelight and she looked unbelievably worried. When she heard us approaching, her eyes widened and scanned for us in the direction we were coming from. I would have loved to jump down and run to her, but my shoulder was starting to ache.
We broke through the cusp of trees and the firelight shown far enough out that Bella could see us and she was scanning me over worriedly. She looked like she was expecting to find another arrow sticking out of me! When she couldn't see one, she visibly relaxed and a smile warmed her bright face.
I slid carefully off the horse's back and Alice met me there. She hugged me so tight I had to say, "Ow."
"Oh, Edward, sorry," Alice squeaked. "I'm sorry."
"You're stronger than you look," I grumbled, mussing her hair. "Did you save me any supper?"
"I tried, but Emmett ate it all." We both looked over at Emmett for his reaction, but he was otherwise preoccupied at the moment so we didn't even get a rise out of him. I kissed my mother on the cheek and finally made it to the person I'd been dying to see the most.
"Hi," I said.
I couldn't keep my cheeks from twitching upwards when she blushed and said, "Hi," back.
The unease was awkward and embarrassing so I decided to just wade right through the middle of it and wrap my arms around her in a tight hug.
"I feel like we've already had this conversation, but since you weren't technically there, I just want you to know that I did mean it," I said against the top of her head, unwilling to let her go quite yet.
"I don't have any idea what you're talking about," she responded.
"I do love you," I said, kissing the top of her head.
She tensed in my arms and I loosened up my hold on her as she pulled away slightly. She looked up at me, a very serious expression on her face. "Edward, everyone who loves me dies," she warned.
My heart broke at the expression in her eyes. She believed that me loving her would kill me. I forced a small smile and cupped her face. "They can keep trying, Bella, but I already promised you I wouldn't ever leave you and I meant that too."
Before she could say anything else, I pulled her back against my chest and hugged her tightly again. She was careful hugging me back. I wondered if this was how we'd always be, her careful and me reckless.
"Do you love me back, Bella?" I asked.
"I meant what I said too, Edward."
"Will you tell me again? It makes me happy when you say it."
I thought I felt her laugh a little bit before she said, "I love you."
"Good. Let's sit down, I want to talk to you about something."
I grabbed a blanket and laid it down close to the fire, but a short distance away from everyone else to keep our conversation private. I sat down and she sat next to me. I had to touch her. I placed my hand over the top of hers. She quickly flipped her hand over beneath mine and wound our fingers together.
"That feels very nice, you know," I commented. "So warm." I smiled at her and she blushed again and smiled back. "Bella, I want you to know that you have a place with us. We will be arriving home tomorrow, and I know that it isn't just me who expects you to stay."
Her eyebrows wrinkled slightly and she seemed to be confused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, my parents have already discussed it and the new home has plenty room for all of us. You will bunk with Alice."
She looked saddened. "I've already put such a burden on your family," she started.
I reached over, creating an amazingly painful twinge in my shoulder that shot through my spine like fire, but I ignored it. I pressed my fingers to her lips to stop her nonsense. "Listen to me Bella, don't think I'm the only one in this family that loves you. You have been no burden to any of us. Please tell me you won't leave me."
She bit her bottom lip and I ran my thumb over it, pulling it out from her teeth. She sighed against my finger. "I won't leave you."
"Promise me," I said.
"I promise."
I was tempted to make her repeat the whole sentence, but I decided that was pushing it. "Lovely. Now, what I really wanted to talk to you about…."
She groaned and I chuckled. "Your good looks and charm have always got you what you wanted, haven't they?" she asked.
I winked at her. "Three months should be enough for them to get another house built, I'm fairly sure that's all the longer we'll have to stay with my parents. The wedding can be around that time."
She looked astounded. Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly before she finally muttered, "Who said I want to marry you?"
I smirked. "Good looks and charm, Bella, remember, I always get what I want, which is definitely you. Besides, you already promised you wouldn't leave me which closely translates to you agreeing to marry me."
She floundered some more before settling on glaring at me. "I should have known promising you anything would get me in trouble."
I unleashed a full on stare into Bella's eyes when I asked her, "Honestly, Bella, do you think I'll be that terrible of a husband?" I gently stroked my thumb over the back of her hand.
She couldn't look away from me. I heard her swallow loudly. Her delayed response was incredibly amusing to me, but I imagined it was angering her that she couldn't force her mouth to open, let alone speak.
When she muttered what sounded like, "You're perfect," I smiled triumphantly.
Ruining my glory, Alice decided to come over that exact moment. She cleared her throat daintily. I rolled my eyes and looked at her. She was holding my dinner.
"Thank you, Alice," I offered with a smile.
She didn't smile back. "Bella has something for you," she said.
Confused, I looked at Bella, who was blushing dark red. I was very intrigued by that fact. "Oh yes, Bella? What do you have for me?"
Bella shot a glare at Alice who cryptically said, "Everyone is very preoccupied right now." She skipped away looking very pleased with herself.
"Are you going to give it to me?" I asked, wanting to know what she had for me. She didn't answer, just continued to blush. "Well, at least tell me what it is then, if I can't have it!"
Bella stared at our linked hands. "Alice rode with me today. She's perceptive. She asked me if I wanted to kiss you. When I didn't answer she apparently took that to mean yes."
"Oh," I said, disappointed in the way she made it sound like something terrible. Our first kiss had been great for me, even if I had just been shot in the shoulder. I guess it hadn't been so great for her. I slowly picked at my dinner, suddenly not very hungry anymore.
"Why do you look sad?" Bella asked me. I could feel her moving closer to me. She'd learned well that it was quite easy to force someone to look at you and she used my tactic against me by tilting my face up with her hands. "Why are you sad?"
"I guess I just got ahead of myself Bella. I thought perhaps you may want to kiss me again," I mumbled while picking at the food.
"I never said I didn't."
"You didn't have to. You sounded revolted by the notion."
"I was speaking of Alice being nosy. I didn't mean to make you think that I didn't want to kiss you again. I do want to. It's just that the first time seemed very now or never and I didn't care if it was in front of everyone. I'd just like the rest to be private." She shrugged her shoulders and her eyes pleaded me for understanding.
I sighed. "As long as there are more."
She laughed quietly and her fingers tightened around mine. "I'm to be your wife, Edward, of course there will be more. Plenty more if I have anything to do with it."
I smirked at her again, my light mood brought back to life. Her cheeks were glowing red, but she was smiling happily and her eyes were alight with happiness. In that moment, she looked happier than I'd ever seen her.
– – –
That night, Emmett was the one who stayed awake. Apparently I needed my rest. Emmett didn't seem pleased in the least, but he didn't put up a fight either. Honestly, there probably was no point in having someone stay up anymore, but it had become a routine. Emmett sat with is back to the fire and his hand protectively over Rose's stomach.
Bella and I were wrapped in our blanket and everyone else seemed to be asleep from the multiple breathing patterns and light snoring. I couldn't sleep and I think I was making Bella restless.
"I'm sorry, if I wasn't worried you'd get cold, I'd trade off with Emmett," I apologized to Bella yet again. We were the furthest away from Emmett, on the complete opposite end of the fire and I knew he couldn't hear me.
"Stop apologizing. I'm not really tired anyway."
I gave her a disbelieving look. She looked exhausted, she needed her sleep and I was keeping her awake. "I'll switch off with Emmett," I decided, "I'll bring Alice to you."
When I started to roll over, Bella grabbed my arm and brought herself impossibly close to me. "No you will not," she demanded quietly. "You're not going to wake Alice and Rose up. Besides, Emmett will kill you if you wake Rose up. And I don't want you to."
I swallowed thickly. Maybe she didn't realize how close she was, but I did. She was flush with me, her entire body pressed to my length, her feet were even kind of trying to push between my shins. Maybe she's cold, I thought. I wrapped my arm around her back and leaned even closer into her. Deciding I needed to think of something besides exactly how every curve of her body felt against me. I asked, "What's his deal lately anyway?"
I nearly smiled when I heard her swallow just as thickly as I had. "Ummm. Oh," she started. Her eyes seemed to focus on something behind my head. "The baby is moving a lot lately. I think, perhaps, the reality is just setting in for him."
"Mmm," I agreed with a nod. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I ended up just leaning in closer to her. When our noses touched and she didn't pull away at all, I stopped. She was still staring at whatever was so interesting behind my head. I kept my arm around her back, feeling every inch of the front of her body pressed to me and knowing what was there, despite not allowing myself to see it, yet.
She finally met my eyes and she shivered lightly. She was definitely cold between the shiver and the hardened tips of her breasts pressed firmly into my chest. I was fairly sure we were both thinking the same thing as I leaned in even closer to her. She wasn't stopping me. I wasn't going to kiss her though, even if I wanted to. She didn't want it in front of everyone. Even if everyone was sleeping, they were still there and I wasn't going to nitpick at her words until I heard what I wanted to.
I kept leaning until my forehead was against hers and our noses were against each other. I kept my arm securely around her back and brought her legs slightly between mine, wondering if her feet were very cold.
"Edward," she whispered. Even though it didn't sound like a warning, I took it as that. I took it as her warning that I wasn't allowed to kiss her like this. But I wanted to.
I wanted to more than anything. When she spoke my name, her breath tickled my lips and I found myself unconsciously licking my lips, longing for her taste. It was very unfulfilling to taste only my lips there, I wanted her taste. More than anything. It was almost painful restraining from the urge to just plaster my mouth to hers.
I could hear and feel her breathing deeply. Deeply and erratically. She couldn't have been further away from sleep and I felt the same way.
"This was probably a bad idea," I mumbled.
"What?" she asked, her voice breathy and distracting.
"Every time I get close to you, I only want to get closer," I admitted.
I could have sworn I felt her nose shift against mine slightly, bringing our lips even closer together. "I don't mind," she whispered so quietly, I had to strain to hear it.
I wondered whether she meant my being close or my wanting to get closer.
We were both silent and unmoving, less our breathing. I was actively trying to ignore how her breasts were pressed into my chest, which only made me think about them more. It was wrong, perhaps, but I was regretting not spying on her longer that day when she bathed. I could almost imagine what they looked like.
She surprised me when she spoke, pulling me from my immoral thoughts. "Are you going to kiss me?" she asked, her voice breathy still.
It seemed very unfair that she was tempting me further. I already was having a hard enough time resisting. Her flat out asking me was the complete opposite of helpful.
"Edward?" she asked.
I had to shut my eyes and clench my jaw to fight the urge. I very nearly had to pull away from her, but the thought of losing this close contact with her made me capable of staying so close and not acting.
"Edward," she whispered again.
She did move this time, I know it. I could practically feel her lips. They were so close. If I just barely moved, they would be touching. Maybe our lips touching wouldn't have to mean we were kissing. Would she see it that way? Just the lightest brush of our lips wouldn't be an actual kiss, would it?
She sighed and her breath washed over my face. "Bella," I whispered, "if you say my name one more time, I'm going to kiss you."
Her fair warning. If she said it again, it was her fault. I'd warned her. I expected a firm lipped agreement from her. Instead, she made my toes curl by breathing, "Edward," in a sighing voice that was so quiet, I hoped I hadn't imagined it.
I couldn't stop myself now though. Her lips actually puckered and responded against mine. She was definitely kissing me back, there was no doubt about it. She wanted me to kiss her. I became impossibly more eager at that thought.
With the arm that wasn't around her back, I gently slid my hand under her neck and pulled her mouth closer to mine, pushing my fingers into her soft hair. It surprised me when she pulled her arm from under mine that was around her back and copied my movement. I couldn't stop my tongue from slipping between my lips to brush against her. She tasted so divine. But when she mimicked me again, I pulled away with a gasp.
The moment her tongue touched mine, I knew for certain that I was not going to stop. When her tongue touched mine, a heat that I'd never known radiated through my body. When her tongue touched mine I couldn't control myself in any other way than to pull away. It was that or I would have rolled atop her and dove my tongue so far into her mouth I probably would have choked her.
For no reason in particular, I secured her against me again, though this time, I tucked her head into the crook of my neck. Her face and lips were touching my skin, but I could handle this. I started humming a nameless, indistinct tune while I held her, hoping to soothe her into sleep.
She was rigid in my arms though. I continued to hum. She relaxed minutely and asked, "Did I do something wrong?" into my throat.
I shuddered. I hoped she didn't feel it. I shook my head meaning no and kissed the top of her head. I hoped she did feel that.
"Are you okay?" she asked me, sounding unnecessarily worried.
I nodded. "Sleep, Bella," I encouraged then started humming again, my arms around her tight and my face buried into the back of her head.
I felt her nod just slightly and I kissed her hair again. She sighed into my skin and I had to fight the urge to just kiss her senseless. It worried me that I wanted to kiss her senseless. Senseless enough that she wouldn't care what I did to her. What I wanted to do to her was very improper. Every scenario included her naked beneath me. I shouldn't have been thinking that way.
But I was nonetheless. I thought all kinds of improper things before I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep. It was such an uneasy sleep that when I felt her gasp against my neck, I was very awake again. She gasped again and I worried she was having a bad dream. I wondered if she would want to be awoken from the dream.
"Don't," she panted into my skin. Moments later, she said, "stop."
I wanted to shake her awake. I hated nightmares. But I knew she needed her sleep too. It was only a bad dream, it couldn't really hurt her. Though, the thought of was she could be seeing frightened me.
"Edward," she said then. Her voice was so breathy, I would have to say she actually moaned my name.
My thoughts immediately went back to being improper. I combined the "don't", "stop", and "Edward" and turned into one breathy moan of a sentence. I wondered if it was possible she wasn't having a bad dream at all, or if it was a different type of bad dream than I'd been thinking. I was involved, that was for sure. I pondered on the fact of whether it was worse to hear her dreaming about us doing bad things together or not waking her for selfish reasons if she was actually having a nightmare that involved me.
Either way, when she did actually moan into my neck, the arm she had around me tightened, and her fingers wove into my hair and she pulled, I had to rub against her. I ached and friction helped minutely, though when I didn't rub again, the aching was worse. I tested the rubbing again, trying to decipher if it made things better or worse. I couldn't decide. Maybe just one more time….
It was sickening that I was letting myself do these things. She was asleep and helpless for goodness sake. What kind of man would do that? What kind of man would I be to keep doing those things? What would she think of me if she knew what I was doing? How would she feel if she woke up to me doing these things?
I didn't have the answer to any of the questions, but I could assume the answers. The assumed answers scared me. So I stopped moving completely and just tried to go back asleep. Bella didn't make that easy. She kept whimpering, mewling, gasping, I don't think I imagined the one time she actually grunted. No, I know I didn't because her body shook along with that sound.
Morning took forever to come. Bella calmed down eventually, but I didn't. I couldn't fall asleep, even with the gentle breathing of a silent, sound asleep Bella. It was slightly awkward when she woke up without warning and met my open eyes. Neither of us looked away. But after just a few short moments, Bella blushed, darkly and I knew exactly what she'd been dreaming about, either recently or hours before. There was no doubt in my mind that she'd dreamt of me naked, either beneath or on top of her, I really didn't care. She'd dreamt it.
I'm sure she wondered what my arrogant smirk was about, but I couldn't stop it from spreading into a full out smug smile. She looked confused, but smiled back regardless.
I knew Emmett had fallen asleep a couple hours ago, despite being the one who was supposed to be on lookout. He was curled around Rose, his hands still protectively over her stomach. Alice was somewhere with them, I hoped she was warm. I did know that everyone else was still sleeping.
I leaned in close to Bella and smiled wider as her breathing hitched automatically. I brushed closely past her lips, across her cheek, and to her ear. "I love you," I whispered.
I heard her breath catch. She tried to turn her face and her nose ran into my cheek, not letting her get the eye contact she was looking for. I think she knew I was up to something. I lightly ran my lips over her ear, just barely letting them brush it and smiled when she shuddered.
I kept lightly running my lips all over her ear, occasionally behind it and into her hair. Eventually she went limp and calm like she'd been during sleep.
"I just want to try something," I murmured low into her ear.
I chuckled softly as she nodded her head, obviously eager and willing. She trusted me, that was important.
"I love you," she blurted suddenly.
"Mmm," I hummed happily against her ear. Her hands immediately, and again with unexpectedness, gripped my clothes, turning into fists in my shirt and pulling me closer to her. "I love you too," I said softly into her ear.
"You already told me this morning," she sort of gasped.
I chuckled. "I know, love, but I like telling you."
"I like telling you too," she agreed. "So, I love you too, too."
I chuckled again, kissing directly against her ear instead of just brushing over it this time. "Good," I said, kissing my way down her jaw.
I felt the heat first, then noticed it reddening her cheekbones. My eyes followed the blush all the way to where my lips were against her skin then I followed it even lower to where it disappeared under her clothing. I hadn't noticed before, but her collarbones were showing. They were so prominent. Under the blush her skin was so pale, nearly translucent, and the collarbones sticking so finely out were exquisite. I longed to touch them. Not only with my fingertips but to run my lips and tongue over them. To suck on them, maybe nibble them, but definitely kiss them, and lick them, slide my fingers over their entire length.
That was where my boundaries died. Already. I'd meant to kiss her senseless and not become improper. I hadn't even began really kissing her and I was already improper. I pulled back with a sigh.
I felt Bella snuggling back close to me. Her lips brushed against my jaw as she spoke, "I thought you wanted to try something."
I slowly looked down at her, mentally wondering how someone could be so irresistible. "I did," I said, feeling remorseful and a bit ashamed. "I failed already though, Bella."
She looked confused. "Failed what?" she asked inquisitively.
I decided to be honest. "Like I told you before, I can't be close to you without wanting to be closer. I was trying to. I failed." I pleaded her with my eyes for understanding and forgiveness.
I watched as her hand moved slowly toward my face and she brushed her fingertips over my cheekbone. "You can't call something a failure after one lousy try, Edward."
I didn't know whether to sigh or huff. I was obviously forgiven my ineptness. I was left wondering how my attempt was labeled lousy though.
"Maybe you should give it another try." She angled her lips up toward mine like she knew that's what I'd been planning.
I figured she was right. I couldn't say it was a failure immediately, after hardly trying. As soon as my hand or lips traveled below her neck, I was finished, because that was crossing the line.
I slowly leaned in and gently pressed my lips to hers. She responded excitedly, pressing our lips closer together. She sighed and her breath coming through her nose tickled my upper lip, making me smile. She smiled too, following the upward curve of my lips.
I wasn't sure if I was destined to fail, maybe I was some kind of masochist, or if I just pushing myself, but I had to taste her again. I barely parted my lips, only enough for my tongue to swiftly touch her lips, then I pulled it back into my mouth. This time she had remained completely still. She sighed when I didn't try again, this time through her mouth, which parted her lips and kind of sent her warm breath into my mouth. Then her full lips slid and her bottom lip came between mine. I sucked it further into my mouth and ran my tongue over it.
When she moaned softly, my hand came to her neck, but I couldn't decide if I should pull her closer or push her away. So I didn't do either, but I just let my hand rest against her neck. I switched to her top lip, thoroughly sucking and licking her taste from it and she just barely brushed my lower lip with her tongue. When I didn't pull away, she slid her tongue completely over my bottom lip and her hand somehow landed into my hair. She gripped my hair tightly and pulled my mouth even harder to hers.
My thumb slipped downwards as pleasure swept through my body. Just barely, I felt her collarbones against my thumb. Again I was indecisive, was I breaking my rule? A thumb was not a whole hand. Her lips parted and her tongue pushed against my lips, I allowed her to push between them.
When her tongue came into my mouth, I rubbed over her collarbones hard, knowing I wouldn't have much longer. I moaned and pushed my tongue against hers. Feeling them sliding against each other and the feelings it invoked, were the end of the kiss.
I pulled away hastily, wanting nothing more than to roll on top of her and feel every curve of her body even closer to me. I rolled onto my back away from her, but with her hand in my hair, she followed. Our lips separated though, and her face came to my neck. We were both breathing heavily and I moved my arm that was trapped beneath her to wrap it around her back. I pulled her as close as I could without making her mount me. She smiled against my skin and I couldn't stop the soft chuckle that rumbled from my throat.
"Did you fail again?" she asked me.
"Obviously," I replied.
"Well, I'm always up for trying again," she whispered into my neck.
I kept my arm around her back, but I used the other one to push my hand into her hair and hug her to me. I kissed the top of her head, hopefully letting her know that I appreciated it, that I loved her, and that I definitely would be trying again.
Everyone started to wake up soon after, as the sun was coming up. I loosened my hold of Bella, assuming she would want to move away from our intimate embrace, but she remained and her hand never left my hair. I removed my arms from her, hovering them just inches off her body, and tilted my head down to look at her.
She mumbled, "Do you want me to move?" into my neck.
"Not even a little bit," I answered.
"Well, I'm not," she replied.
That pleased me. I replaced my arms and buried my fingers deeper into her hair, hugged her closer to me. I was thrilled that she didn't mind being caught like this. Maybe she was wondering if this was the final time we'd be able to sleep together, like I was.
Her thumb gently swept against my ear and along the edge of my jaw as she lightly rubbed her fingers through my hair and massaged my scalp. My eyes slid closed and I relaxed completely at her touch. I could hear my parents whispering and Alice's grumpy morning voice as she told Emmett he stunk. It made me smile and I could feel Bella smiling, too.
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