All recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
This chapter has been beta'd by the ever amazing: Strae
I was back to speechless. Bella promised to call back later, or asked me to text her if I didn't want to talk. But she had to know I was okay, she'd said.
That was a real dilemma. Was I okay? I just had some kind of breakdown. I cried. I told Bella things she didn't need to know. I looked like shit.
I pulled my clothes off and stepped into the shower. Icy water hit me first, making my cold body shudder. The water warmed up quickly, but my body did not. I shivered even though the water was hot enough to leave my skin red.
I towel dried and wiped the fogged up mirror down, checking to see if my lips were blue. My blood felt like dry ice. Cold and desiccated. My heart felt hollow.
How could she possibly love me?
A purple blotch on my neck caught my attention. I fingered it. "You're mine," Bella's voice resounded.
A shallow beat of warmth. "I'm so happy, so in love." More warmth. "I want you." More tingly burning warmth. "I do." A colossal amount of heat.
I'm wanted. I'm loved. I'm forgiven. I'm saved. Well, maybe not that last one quite yet, but I would be saved. Bella said I needed to talk to Tanya, to apologize to her, for what I did. I was feeling guilty, not only for Bella, but for Tanya. And she said she would come with me. Help me. This weekend. Sunday and Monday.
I dressed in a pair of underwear and fell to my bed. It was not late, by any means, but I was exhausted. I didn't have it in me to talk anymore.
I'm going to bed. I love you, more than anything. I texted Bella. It hardly seemed enough. I felt like I needed to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, to let her hit me, even. Maybe I just liked the pain.
Her reply came quickly. I hope you sleep well. And I love you too, more than you know. Goodnight.
I wanted to reply, and I couldn't. I wanted to call her. I wouldn't let myself make things worse. I fell asleep feeling so guilty that a whole hour later, I was wide awake with wet cheeks. Crying again. Just great, I was turning into a real fucking pussy.
I rolled over and cursed into my pillow. Sleep didn't come, the guilt didn't ease, the pain didn't lessen, and I didn't relax at all. I grabbed my cell and car keys and was driving before I knew where I was going. I passed her house once, drove past again, not a light was on. Everyone was asleep. I stopped two blocks down and parked in an alleyway. And I got out. I walked. I shadowed the tree line, keeping just off of everyone's backyards, then I saw her window. I crossed through her backyard and stared at the tree aligned with her window. I scaled the tree with no problems, my arms got a workout but hey, I needed one anyway. I hung from a branch level with the second story pane, and stared in. I could see her form on the bed. Half of her body was twisted into the blanket, limbs strewn every-which-way, and her hair was just as scattered as her limbs. Her pillow looked black, except a few spots of lavender, because her hair was covering it.
My shoulders twitched. Oh, right. I hooked one elbow over the branch and let go with my opposite hand. I didn't expect to find the window unlocked, I thought I'd have to knock. The thing slid up easily. What luck. I swung my legs up onto the sill and tried to make as little noise as possible as I dropped in through the opening. My shoes connected to her floor with a queit thud. Her body twisted towards the sound but she didn't wake. In the distance, someone's snores faltered, I assume Charlie's. They picked right back up. I took off my shoes, closed the window, and had a rush of inertia hit me. I was glued in place with a 'What now?' feeling in my gut.
I unstuck my feet one toe at a time and moved towards her bed. My shoes were easily hid underneath, and the urge to crawl in and wrap myself around her was strong enough to make my knees wobble.
What was I doing here? This was bad! Breaking and entering, stalking… in the Police Chief's house! I had to sit down, and sitting on Bella's bed would not be a good idea. I took the rocking chair and started thinking.
I should leave. I never should have came. I don't know why I came. How the hell did I even get in? Maybe I was dreaming. I pinched myself, but only winced at the pain.
Bella groaned, her legs twisted into her blanket more. She clutched the wadded blanket between her thighs and rolled with it, so she was face down. Her arms went wide and she grasped each side of her twin bed.
"Don't leave."
Wow, I really needed to leave. I was hearing things now. I stood up and didn't make it much past her bed.
"Edward, don't go."
I closed my eyes and let my body drag itself back. An invisible force bound me to this room. To the chair. To her. Love, maybe. Leaving after she asked me not to would tear out my heart.
Hearing things, my mind reminded. No, I was convinced she said it. My head wasn't that good.
Her body twisted again, sending the blankets to the floor. Oh, Lord, have mercy on me!
Her skin was glowing alabaster in the moonlight. Her hair was as dark as the night, a mess on her pillow. Her full lips were pouty looking as she slept. And her legs were thrown wide, giving me an eyeful of crotch. Her panties were black… No, blue… I couldn't tell, but they were dark. And perfect. They clung to her intimate juncture, showing nothing but hiding nothing. Her thighs, oh God, and her stomach, good lord. She was not wearing a bra… Her shirt was twisted just tight enough to make out the perfect curves of each breast, their tips hard and prominent. She had goosebumps too. Cold.
She flipped and her shirt twisted even higher. Her back hollowed as she stretched across her mattress. I wanted to trace her spine, linger on her lower back where the spine curved in. To feel her ribs in my palms. The smooth skin on her sides. God, her hips. And that ass.
I was breathing so hard my lungs hurt. I didn't know I was looming over her until I hit the edge of her bed with my knees, and nearly fell. I stumbled back to the rocker and sank into it. I covered my eyes. All I saw was her body.
I rocked. And rocked. And rocked. And an hour later, I dreamed I was going to bed with her. She was leading me there, her fingers easily popping the button to my jeans, pulling the zipper, letting them slide to the floor. I laid down beside her, feeling her curves against me. Skin on skin.
"So warm."
"Mmm."
But not warm enough. This was a new dream, so real but not. My dream Bella never wore clothes, yet there they were. And I'd never dreamed of her room before. Something kicked at my brain, but I ignored it, I was busy.
My right hand was under her ribs, I reached higher and let my palm drag over her smooth skin, under her shirt, to her bare breast. Her nipple hardened in my hand, searing my palm. So warm, so hard. I pinched at the tip and her ass rocked back against my hard length.
Hmm, how weird, I was wearing clothes too. What a weird dream, usually they disappeared at will. Oh well, this felt too good to change.
My left palm slid over the warm flesh of her thigh, her hip, the flat of her stomach. I fingered the upper edge of her underwear and her body rocked back into me again. So perfect was the memory from the rock, I could actually feel her under my palm. Damn good dream, even if it was weird with all this clothes.
The sparse, soft hairs on her pubic mound tickled my fingertips and palm. I curled my hand around the curve of her mound, following to the core of her. My fingers probed along her slit and found the source of the wet heat. The slick lubricant coated my fingertips as I explored. Her opening was so hot, so inviting, but I passed it by for now. My fingers glided over her inner folds, searching for her clit, knowing how she reacted to it being touched. I found the little nub with my fingertips and smiled as her ass jumped back against me. She kept tight to me as I made slow, lazy circles around it. Her hips rocked with the pressure of my fingers and I could feel her heart racing underneath her left breast. Our hearts were so close to each other, both flying with the hot pleasure our bodies created.
I knew she was getting close, I knew I was getting close too. My fingertips slid down her core and I sought out her opening with my middle finger. She was so wet, my digit slid right in, though not far. The tight opening was barricaded, her virginity securely in place. And the feel of her innocence turned me on so much my hips lurched against her ass, grinding into her soft cheeks. I searched around inside of her, feeling the soft heat pulse around my finger and the heel of my palm bumped against her sensitive bud. Her body jumped this time and I found a rhythm. In unison, our bodies rocked together, and with a hot clenching, her opening started to spasm around my finger. That sent me over the edge.
– – –
I groaned at the tingly, dead feeling in my arm. And another uncomfortable feeling hit me. The crustiness on my stomach and groin told me everything I needed to know. Wet dreams suck. You never remember the orgasm and the dried up cum feels disgusting.
But I remembered the orgasm. I smiled to myself, remembering the feeling of cumming against my dream Bella's ass. Her tightness clenching on my finger as she came. I sighed and settled back against my pillows.
Not my pillows. Christ, not my bed. And my arm.
"Jesus!" I gasped as I realized I had a human on my arm. A human Bella, not a dream.
"I know."
"Fuck, you're awake too. I'm sorry, God, I don't even know!"
"Shh."
"Shit, Bella," I whispered. "I don't remember. I didn't think. I thought I was dreaming!"
"Me too," she said, turning her head towards me. She smiled.
My hand was under her body, trapped flat against her breast. "I'm sorry," I apologized again and tried to retract the thing. She grabbed my bicep.
"Don't move. And don't apologize again."
Okay. I stared at her as she stared back at me. Except, I couldn't keep my eyes from traveling. And there, on her ass, was my proof of what a pig I was.
"Ah, fuck." I threw my arm over my eyes and tried to hide, therefore, I drew more attention to myself.
"What?"
Bella, you have a cum stain on your ass. I humped the living hell out of your ass last night and looky there, splat, white on black. Nope, dark blue, midnight blue. Jesus, stop looking.
Bella moved. Closer. Oh hell, if I got cum on her underwear, I could only imagine what mine looked like. I wouldn't even blame her for laughing and calling me "Cumstain" for the rest of my life. Her arm curled around my waist and she rested her head on my chest.
"How did you get in?"
"The window. Aren't you mad?"
"Not at all. I left it unlocked, I oiled the damn thing, hoping you might show up one night."
"You are kidding, right?"
Her face burned on my chest. "No." Well, that explains why it opened so easy. "I'm glad you came." Oh, boy. Back to cum. "You're blushing."
"I'm sure I am."
"Why? You aren't usually this bashful."
Great, now I feel like one of the seven dwarfs. And with my mood swings, I'll probably end up as Grumpy or Dopey soon. Maybe I should just get it off my chest.
"Bella, the dream, or, well, what I thought was a dream at the time. Oh shit, I had my finger…inside. Fuck, did I hurt you? Did I-"
"No, Edward. I'm perfectly okay, it was perfectly… amazing." She sighed against my chest. At least someone was enjoying this. I felt like too much of an ass.
"Oh, alright. Thank god. Good. But, what I was going to say was. I… well, you know." She propped her chin on my chest and wrinkled her eyebrows. Fuck. "Bella, I used your ass as a-" masturbatory object. A napkin. "I used your ass."
"Edward, I remember what happened." I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "I'm glad you're here, what happened was special, and I don't really want you to leave, but I have to work."
Oh. Oh! And oh. "Right now?"
"No. My alarm is going to go off in about fifteen minutes though."
A dead weight landed on my head. "Charlie. Shit, Charlie," I hissed.
"He's gone."
"What?"
"Fishing. He leaves at about five in the morning to go fishing with… a buddy on Saturdays."
"We're alone."
"No, Alice is down the hall."
"Oh, right. But we're alone. Can we… talk? I have some things I'd like to say." She nodded. I took a deep breath. "Okay, no interrupting though, okay?" She nodded again and pressed her mouth to my chest. "That's distracting." Her lips curled up. She bit them and nuzzled her face in tight to my pec. Her eyes were smiling still. "So distracting. You're too damn beautiful." She blinked. "Okay. I know you said no more apologies but I have to. Multiple apologies. The first, and largest, I'm sorry for this, but only because it was really unfair. I snuck into your room and I got into your bed."
"I brought you to bed," she corrected. I glared at her for interrupting. She glared back, probably for my apologizing.
"Either way, that led to me touching you without permission and doing other things that weren't permitted, and even if you're okay with it, it was still wrong. Now, number two. I'm sorry I broke down on you last night. That wasn't fair either."
"Edward, don't-"
"Bella-"
"No. Don't. I don't know how many times I have to say it, the past is the past. And you breaking down, opening up, don't ever apologize for that. I love you. I love you for telling me everything, I love you for coming last night, I love you for being you, Edward."
"I wasn't done."
"Continue then."
"I don't want to go to Los Angeles."
"I don't care." I balked. "We're going to Los Angeles. I talked Charlie into letting me go, though he doesn't have a clue I'll be out of town. We're going. And if you won't go, Edward, I'm afraid of what that will do to us."
"What do you mean?"
"Neither of us can live with your guilt. I've forgiven you. That doesn't seem to be enough for you. We're going to LA, and we're sorting this out."
"Did you just give me an ultimatum? We go or we're done?"
"Will you go if I say that?"
"Yes."
"Then yes."
She looked as unhappy about that choice as I did. I sat up, brining her with me. I took her face between either of my hands and looked her dead in the eyes. "I will not lose you. If that means we have to go to LA, then we will. But I don't want to."
"I know. We'll get through it, we'll be better off. You have to let this go and to do that, you need to talk to her. And I'll be there with you, for you."
"Okay."
"Okay."
I pulled her lips to mine and was utterly shocked by her kiss. Literally. My mouth burned. And my cock was hard, instantly. Alone, in her bed, mostly naked.
I pushed her back into the pillows and followed, keeping our lips connected. Her hands came around my back and she tried to pull me down on top of her. I refused to let my crusty boxers get anywhere near her. She gave up and slid her hands under my shirt. My wrist brushed the side of her breast and her fingernails dug into my shoulders.
Oh, fuck. I pulled back and sat down next to her. One hand remained under my shirt and she lightly tickled along my spine, up and down.
"Did I do something wrong?"
I groaned. "God, no, Bella, don't ever think that. You couldn't do anything wrong. It's me."
"I don't think you did anything wrong."
"Oh, but I have. On so many levels." I grabbed my jeans off the floor and worked them up my legs. Her hands slid down my back as I stood up to button them.
"Are you leaving?" Her voice was heavy with sadness.
I shook my head. "Not yet, but I think it's better if I have these on."
I heard the bed shift and looked back to see Bella pulling her shirt down as far as it would do and sitting up on the bed. She turned her alarm off then stood up.
"You don't have to go, but I'm going to go take a shower."
"Can I go in there first?"
"To shower?"
"That would be nice, but no."
"You can, if you'd like."
"Only if you join me. Kidding. No, um, I'll be quick."
"Oh," she said with a smirk.
"You're a perv, I'm not doing that, jeez! I have to clean up and piss, since you must know." She smirked wider. I growled and pulled her to me, kissing her. My hands found the back of her naked thighs and I skimmed my palms lightly against the smooth skin. "What are you going to do in the shower, dirty girl?" I asked against her mouth.
She melted like butter in my hands, her body curving to fit against mine. Her breasts against my torso, her stomach against my erection, her ass in my palms.
"I'm going to 'clean up' as you put it."
I moved my lips to her ear. "Mmm, but see, I actually meant clean up. I think you are talking of something completely different."
"I think you're a liar."
My hand connected with her ass in a light slap and she jumped. "Get in the shower," I ordered.
I pulled off my shirt and pushed her towards the door. Her eyes got impossibly wide and she stumbled her way towards the hall. As soon as we hit the hallway, plans were shattered. Alice stood there looking absolutely furious and I ran into Bella she stopped so fast.
Her skinny, tiny little finger pointed at Bella. "You, in the shower. And you," her hand pointed towards me. I backed up a step. "Put your shirt on and get out of here. You are so fucking lucky that Charlie isn't here, he'd kill you both! How many times have I told you, there is no sex in this house! Do you remember what Charlie did to me? Do you remember how he threatened Jasper? Bella! I thought you were smarter than this!" Tears welled in her dark brown eyes. "I love you both, now please think before you fuck around in this house!" She stomped to her room, leaving me wide eyed and Bella looking shameful.
"She's right. I love you, you have to go!"
I nodded. "What time is your lunch break? I'll take you out for lunch."
"Noon."
"Okay, I'll pick you up. Love you. Bye." I kissed her goodbye and ran for my car.
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