All recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
This chapter has been beta'd by the ever amazing: Strae
It was a whole fifteen minutes of silence that I got to myself in my bedroom that Friday morning before my phone started ringing.
First Emmett, then Jasper. Then there was about a ten minute break and I was willing to bet that they called each other before each of them tried to call me again. I wasn't in the mood to answer.
I didn't want to know what happened after Jasper left. I didn't want to know what Bella told him and Alice. And worse yet, I didn't want to hear Jasper call me a fucking idiot, because I already knew that's what I was.
Worst of all was that Emmett probably knew as well. Emmett picking at my open wounds would not be helpful right now.
My phone rang two more times, each of them calling me once more, then nothing. I didn't even realize why that was until my door was busted open another fifteen minutes later.
Personal space and Emmett had no meaning. He literally lifted my ass off the bed while Jasper dug through my dresser. What the fuck were they doing?
Jasper threw shorts at me and said, "Get dressed."
"No," I said.
"Yep," he replied.
"No," I repeated.
"Okay, Edward, you asked for it," Emmett said, and the fucking prick was pulling my pants down.
"What the fuck, Emm, get off me you pervert!"
He was unfazed. My best friends were not easy to deter. "Put the damn trunks on, now, or I will do it," Emmett told me.
I looked at the shorts. They were swimming trunks. "Why?" I asked.
Jasper spoke. "Because it is fucking close to eighty degrees out and this is probably the last we're going to see of the sun, and you are not going to sit inside and mope your fucking life away. Do it now or I'll bring Bella in here."
That caught my attention. He noticed. "That's right, you heard me. She's in the Jeep, waiting. You have five minutes to be ready to leave or I'm bringing her in here and telling her you want to have a nice long chat about your feelings."
Fuck. Feelings or car, feelings or car. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet, I didn't know what I was going to say, and either option was putting me in an awkward situation. At least one way I could possibly avoid the feelings talk.
Trunks in hand, I made my way to my bathroom and stripped to nothing, pulling the swimming trunks on. I decided against wearing a shirt, but grabbed a beach towel. I looked at myself in the mirror and grimaced. I looked like a fucking ghost. I hadn't been in the sun for nearly two months and it showed.
I ran my hands through my hair a couple times and wiped the left over sleep from my eyes. Then took a deep breath and told myself it was now or never.
I almost wanted the never option. No, I was just being a ball-less pussy. I hit myself in the chest and gave myself the man up lecture again.
Trusty crutches and stupid brace in place, I limped my way out of that bathroom and followed the much tanner and muscled pair out to the Jeep. I had never felt so self conscious in my life. Why had I chosen not to wear a shirt?
I hollered goodbye to my parents before I shut the door behind me.
Apparently I was to sit in the back as Jasper took my crutches away when I neared the big red Jeep. Emmett took the driver's seat and I hopped my way to the door while Jazz threw my crutches into the back. The windows were tinted enough that I couldn't see inside so when I opened the door, I had no idea who would be there.
Of course it was Bella, this was their plan. Emmett obviously knew everything, but he wasn't picking on me? I stood there, looking at her nervously while Jasper got in on the other side, situating the little Alice on his lap.
Bella looked at me for about two seconds, then turned red and stared straight ahead. If she could do this, I could do this. I used my arms to get into the oversized vehicle.
It wasn't quite as old and worn as Bella's truck, but it was close. The door groaned and creaked and the seat springs whined. I didn't even want to know why the springs were so loose – well, it was easy to figure out why, I just really didn't want to think about it. Emmett started up the engine and it roared then sputtered.
"Piece of shit," Emmett groaned.
"Just give it some gas, babe, you know that's all it needs," Rosalie told him.
Emmett's car and driving skills had never been advanced. Sometimes I wondered why I even got in the car with him. He was the most dangerous driver I had ever known.
He turned the engine over again and it hissed and we shot forth as he put it into gear. He made an incredibly sharp u-turn in my driveway, nearly taking a few trees in his path out and the sharpness of it sent Bella nearly into my lap and Alice did topple over towards me.
She giggled, her hand placed on my knee. "Hi Edward, it's nice to see you."
Bella was smashed against my side, Alice was everywhere, Jasper was cussing Emmett out, and Rose was throwing instructions at him. I felt bad for him, truly I did.
"Hi Alice, how are you?" I asked her. I couldn't help but laugh.
Finally, we straightened out and Alice was back to where she was suppose to be. "I'm great, Edward," Alice said to me.
I didn't greet Rose, same as always. I settled back into my seat and Bella scooted away from me. "Do you have enough room?" I muttered to her, afraid to actually speak to her, but unwilling to make myself look like more of an ass.
"Yeah," she mumbled. "Sorry."
"It's alright. Emmett just isn't the best driver," I said.
She giggled, I swooned. The no shirt was biting me again as I was close enough to her that she could clearly see all of my flaws. I was loosing my six pack from lack of working out and my arms and shoulders were looking scrawny. My skin never got very dark, but I was actually looking paler than she was.
I took my time to notice her then. Her hair was tied back in a long ponytail, the soft waves cascading like a waterfall from the back of her head, brushing against her neck and shoulders. Her naturally beautiful skin and face was not hidden under layers of make up. That was one of the reasons I loved her so; she was so natural. Her beauty was flawless, she had no faults.
She wore a white tank top, I could see the red swimsuit top tied around her neck. My groin stirred at the thought of her losing that tank. Her legs were mostly bare, just a pair of denim cutoffs covering the probably matching red bottoms of her bathing suit.
The white of her skin was delicious. I could stare at her for hours, days, years…forever. Every contour and curve of her body was perfect, I couldn't keep my eyes away. I was trying to remain inconspicuous with my stares, but she had to have noticed, I was practically drooling.
I don't recall most of the car ride, but we pulled up to First Beach and I nearly grabbed my crutch to start beating Emmett to death.
The stupid fucking retarded idiot brought us to First Beach, First fucking Beach.
I couldn't help it, I opened my big mouth. "First Beach?" I asked, letting the hostility leak into my tone.
"What is your deal with this beach?" Emmett asked me.
He knew I hated it here. "Hmm, let me think. One, it sucks. Two, it really fucking sucks. Three, it is always crowded. Four, it is rocky. Five, Mora Beach is so much better." And six and most important, First Beach is where Jacob Black is bound to be.
"Mora Beach is half an hour further," he groaned.
"And at least four times better then this shitty beach. Will someone please agree with me?" I begged.
"This beach is fine," Rosalie said. Naturally, she was just worried about getting into the sun to make her a bit oranger.
"I agree with you," Bella said. I was surprised, I expected Jasper or Alice to agree, but hearing Bella agree made my heart soar.
I looked at her. "Thank you!"
She grinned. "Mora Beach is much warmer, half an hour isn't that far. Rose, you know the sun hits better down there…"
Rose seemed to consider that for a moment then said, "Emmett, we should go to Mora Beach instead," making it sound like it was her idea all along.
I scoffed and Bella gave a quiet snort, leaning back into the seat at the same moment I did. Emmett threw the truck around so fast that Bella was again half in my lap, this time it was her who was gripping my leg.
It sent all kinds of wonderful feelings through my body to have her hand on my knee. Her soft, warm palm against my skin had me burning and aching – in the best way possible – in just moments. I wasn't fighting it anymore, I was letting myself feel everything she did to me and enjoying it. I made myself enjoy the way my heart raced when she looked at me, the way my breath caught when she spoke or smiled, the way her touch felt like an electric source, the way her blush made me want to tear her clothes off.
Maybe that last one was pushing it, but deep down inside, I did enjoy how it has always been her that I fantasized about. She was the girl of my dreams, even my waking dreams. I'd always pictured her naked when I was in the mood. Bella was who I wanted, plain and simple – no, she wasn't plain and simple, but the statement was. There was no contesting it.
"Sorry," she muttered again, releasing my leg.
I laughed. "Don't be." I kicked Emmett's seat with my good leg and said, "But he should be, I think I have whiplash."
I saw his eyes narrow at me in the rearview mirror. I smirked. "You know, Bella," Emmett started. He wouldn't!
"Whoa, Emmett, you just missed our turn," Jasper said.
"What?" Rose and Emmett said at the same time.
"Oh, wait, no, never mind. I'll just keep my mouth shut," Jasper warned.
"You're such a dumb ass, Jasper," Rose spat.
I groaned, I didn't want to hear their bullshit. Are we there yet?
Jasper, such a mature individual, didn't respond to his bitchy sister's remark.
I didn't know what I was going to do about Bella, but as soon as we got to that beach, I knew what was going to happen. The couples were going to split off like they always did, leaving Bella and I on our own. That might have been good, if I had the nuts to talk to her. But, no, it was just going to end up being awkward.
I had to apologize for what I did, and we did have to be alone to do that. Bella really wasn't acting like she was angry, but we were both tiptoeing around each other right now.
Emmett turned the crackly radio up, making my ears buzz and hum with the thumping static. I was lost in thought as a nearly unrecognizable song crackled out of the speakers.
The fact that I love Bella was extremely obvious, to me at least, and now to Jasper, Emmett, and my dad. But how she felt about me, I didn't know. I had assumed she'd hate me after attacking her, making her cry, but she didn't seem even angry, just uncomfortable.
Maybe that was it then. She'd assumed I was drunk when I went in for the kill, so she wrote it off as nothing. She mustn't have wanted to lose our friendship, or she would have slapped me the moment I laid eyes on her again.
What would I have done then? I would have groveled, I would have groveled like my life depended on it. I almost wished she would react so I could as well. If she was angry, I would be a lot more inclined to let the truth be known, versus feeling like telling her is going to ruin something.
She wrote off the kiss, heck, maybe she thought I didn't even remember it. That was a compelling thought, to let her believe that I didn't even know I attacked her. It was wholly unfair though. Why should she have to believe she was the only one suffering for my terrible mistake? I would apologize, no matter how embarrassing or painful it was for me. I would not let her believe I forgot or let her think I wasn't sorry – even if a small part of me wasn't.
We arrived at the beach in under a half hour, thanks to Emmett's nearly vomit inducing driving skills. And as I suspected, the Jeep was hardly parked and they all took off. Jasper had Alice over his shoulder and Rose was on Emmett's back as they raced towards the water. It was such a terribly sad, depressing sight to see for me.
I was careful not to put any weight on my knee as I moved towards the back end of the vehicle to get my crutches, Bella beat me to it, handing them to me.
"Thanks," I told her. She nodded and pulled the cooler, a book, and a blanket out then proceeded to jump up and down.
I wasn't sure what she was jumping about, but I didn't really care as my eyes glued to her bouncing chest. "Uh, Edward, a little help?" she asked breathlessly after a few minutes.
It was then that I realized she couldn't reach the liftgate. I gave myself a slap on the wrist for being such an ungentlemanly pig and easily reached the door and shut it.
She gave a huff and I chuckled. She collected her book and blanket under her arm then bent for the cooler as well. I hated being a cripple, it ruined everything.
"Bella, give me that," I said. I at the very least could carry her book and blanket.
"I got it," she said determinedly.
She always had to do things the hard way. I leaned forward, still sure to keep my distance so not to give her the wrong impression and scare her again, and grabbed the book and blanket from under her arm. I draped the blanket over my shoulder with my towel, momentarily distracted by the smell wafting off of it – it smelled just like her and I so longed to shove my face into it and inhale. I noticed the tattered book in my hand and snorted.
"How many time have you read this thing?" I asked her, waving the book a little bit, then situating it so I could follow as she walked towards the beach.
"It's a good book," she defended.
"I didn't imply that it wasn't," I countered.
"I don't have it memorized yet, so…" she trailed off.
I chuckled. "You have to be close."
She laughed and looked over her shoulder at me. "Shut up," she said. Though I sensed she was only joking, I did as she asked.
We made it to the beach, and we she sat down the cooler, I unwillingly handed her the blanket. After she spread it out, I dropped my crutches and asked her, "Do you mind?" motioning that I wanted to lay my towel next to her.
She shook her head, so I threw my towel down and dropped loudly down onto it. I still had her book, I was curious. I leaned back into the soft ground and bent my knee up, creating a little shadow so I could read what the words said.
I noticed then though that Bella was still standing there. I looked up at her to see her looking down at me, biting her lip. When I looked, she turned her head, turning red – freeing the urge to grab her and ravish her, I just barely refrained.
Maybe she didn't expect me to be so close. What was she doing?
"Do you want me to move?" I asked. I couldn't help it that I sounded a bit sad, I really just wanted to be close to her.
"No…um." She finished with that. The girl confused me endlessly, so I decided to just go back to reading. I heard her lay down next to me and I fought the urge to look…and touch. "I brought that book for me, you know," she said.
I smirked. Yes, I did know that. "I was curious as to why you keep reading it. Here though," I said, handing it over.
"No, it's okay, really." She said. I swear I heard her take a deep breath, and then she moved a bit closer to me. "I can sort of see it from here."
My gut was in knots. I wanted this so bad, this simple, innocent thing in the sand. I wanted to get closer, this book was the perfect excuse, I love it already. I edged closer to her. "How's that?" I asked, when our arms were touching.
"Uh-huh," she answered. I took it to mean everything was good.
I did my best to ignore her sweet smell, the heat and electricity of her skin, the sound of her breathing – which sounded, oddly, as fast as my own.
"Just tell me when to turn the page," I whispered.
"Okay," she whispered back.
I nearly laughed. We were so infantile, whispering like we were going to get caught doing something we weren't suppose to.
I was surprised when I finished the page first, but it was only moments later that she said, "Er…" and I turned the page.
She giggled a little and I laughed too. It was so exciting just to lay here with her, and then I felt it.
"Bella," I said quietly.
"Hmm?" She asked.
"I'm sorry," I told her. She didn't reply, though I felt her stiffen at my side. I looked over at her and she was staring up at the almost blueish white sky, her cheeks stained with the most beautiful shade of crimson. "Really, really sorry."
She nodded but didn't say anything. I looked back to the book again and waited until she approved for the page turn.
I wasn't reading anymore, just staring at the words there, or I guess technically I only saw the letters. Every "L", every "O", every "V", and every "E" jumped off the page at me. It was so damn annoying. I already knew I loved her, did I really have to be reminded so constantly?
She only asked for about two more page turns and then she was silent. After a good ten minutes of her not signaling for me to turn the page, I looked over at her. My heart swelled as I saw her eyes were closed, her mouth parted slightly, that perfect bottom lip of hers hanging in the most beautiful little pout.
I longed to lean up and kiss it. She wouldn't know. What was one innocent little kiss? As if to reprimand me, I heard Alice scream, "No," from the distance, then heard a loud splash. Bella stirred but didn't wake.
She sighed in her sleep and again, I swooned. I was head over heels for her. She could so easily have asked me to die for her and I would have without a second thought. Just like that, she was the most important thing to me.
I was confused as to whether she was still asleep when she whispered, "Edward." She gave a small twitch then though, her eyes still closed and her lips still parted slightly.
She was still sleeping. She said my name in her sleep. She was dreaming of me. I could have combusted with joy. This was something, this was a big something!
"Edward," she whispered again.
I tried my chances and whispered back her name. Her eyes fluttered as she dreamed and her lips curled up a bit. I wanted to tell her now, I wanted to say it so bad to her dreaming form. I wanted to take her hand and profess my love to her unconscious body. But I didn't.
Instead, Bella was whispering again. "Edward, I l-" and just like that there was another loud scream and she sat bolt upright.
She looked mildly confused and then her eyes rested on me still laying beside her and her eyes got impossibly huge. Her face turned beet red and her mouth hung open in a gasp. I sat up, worried about her reaction. Her hand came to her mouth, and she touched her lips, staring at me.
"Bella?" I asked. What had she been dreaming? What had she been saying?
Her eyes locked on mine and her pupils dilated, slowly turning her eyes darker. Her hand dropped down into her lap and a fleetingly look of disappointment crossed her face. She turned away from me then and started crawling across her blanket.
I groaned, getting the most fucking amazing view of her denim clad ass. I had to turn my head away as I felt my swimming trunks grow tight again. Tonight was definitely a shower night.
"Do you want anything?" she asked me.
"Yes," I replied. I want you, on me, now! That wasn't what she meant though, so I continued on with, "Just water."
"Just water?" Emmett asked, obviously close.
I made the deadliest mistake ever as I looked up. He was walking towards us, his hands cupped over his genitals, butt ass naked. I made a very loud noise of disgust and that sound was quickly followed by a shriek from Bella.
I felt the urge to grab her and hide her face in my chest. I didn't want her to see that, ever.
"Don't act like you're not impressed," he said in a arrogant tone. "Bells, throw me a couple beers."
"Get them yourself, Emmett, and Edward, tell me when he's gone. Oh god…" She sounded mortified, thank god.
Emmett grumbled and I heard him move closer to us. I wasn't even taking a chance to look for at least another five minutes. The most repulsive mental image of Emmett copying Bella's earlier move to get the drinks flashed in my mind and I nearly puked.
Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella's ass, Bella's hot, sexy, smoking, delicious body, Bella's lips, fuck, her feet, anything but that. Bella, Bella, Bella.
Finally, the cooler closed and I heard Emmett moving away from us. "Free Willy!" he called and I heard his heavy footfalls on the sand as he ran away from us.
"Is it safe?" Bella asked.
"Hell if I know, I'm not looking either."
"Edward," she whined.
I peaked through my hand and didn't see anything. I removed my hand completely, letting my eyes adjust to the brightness and saw we were in the clear.
"It's safe," I told her.
"If you are lying..." she warned.
I saw the perfect reason to touch her then. I reached my hand out and gently clasped her fingers in my own and pulled them down from her eyes.
"It's safe," I repeated, keeping her fingers in my own. She didn't pull away and I refused to let go unless she tried, so my fingers remained on her a good 30 seconds longer then necessary until she ever so slowly slid her hand out of mine and handed me the water I had requested.
"Thanks," I said. She smiled and nodded at me.
I realized then – well, I realized right away but didn't really think about it 'til now – that she still had her clothes on, over her swimsuit.
Unthinkingly, I blurted, "You're going to get weird tan lines."
Her brow wrinkled, then she looked down and said, "Oh."
Trying to redeem myself, but I being incapable of doing so I again just blurted what I was thinking. "You never swim."
Whenever it was nice enough to come to the beach, she always kept her clothes on over her swimsuit and she never swam.
She turned red then. "I can't swim very well," she admitted.
It was my turn to say, "Oh." I made a plan then. "Well, hey, how about we go in together? I can't go out very far because of my knee anyway. We'll just hang out in the surf."
"I don't know, Edward," she replied nervously.
"Come on, I won't let you drown," I said.
She scowled. "Emmett's naked in there, I don't know if I want to."
I sighed. Damn it. "Okay." I tried one last tactic, one that would mean more than if she'd just go in the water with me. "I'll hold your hand," I told her.
There was a long moment of silence, so I turned to look at her. She looked undecided, which gave me hope. I took that hope and harnessed it and made it give me the strength to reach out and take her hand, to actually take it.
I curled my fingers over the back of her hand as it lay on the blanket between us. Her lips parted and quivered, no sound emitting from them what so ever.
She shook her head lightly and that was my answer. No.
My stomach sank and twisted with the hard knot of rejection and I pulled my hand away from hers. The foul, bitter taste of rejection tainted my mouth so vilely, I could hardly stand it.
It took me an embarrassingly long time to get my crutches and stand up, but I made it eventually.
"I'm sorry," I told her again, truly regretting the contamination I spilt all over our friendship again.
This one wouldn't be healable for me. She didn't want me.
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