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A/N: Strae deserves some major kudos for betaing this story for me!
EPOV
Finals ended up being a total disaster, literally a week from Hell. I didn't even make it the full week. Black had looked pleased to see me driving away early.
As much as I tried to deny it, I missed Bella. Her absence even for a few short days was greatly noticed. Her presence in my life had touched more than just the horse-related aspect. The mere thought of her made me smile, and her presence was the only thing I could think of my entire drive home.
I had to see her. I had to be near her, to feel her near me. I had to take her in and believe she wasn't just a figment of my imagination, though I doubted my mind was that creative.
I missed a girl I'd met less than a month ago and hadn't even taken out on a date yet. It seemed odd since we barely knew each other, but I missed her nonetheless.
The week from Hell had started almost immediately after I'd left. A customer called to inform me that a horse that had been in training wouldn't be coming back because it was put down. The story had been a tragic one caused by the negligence of a careless stable hand, which made me all the more thankful to have Bella.
Halfway to my destination, I received another call. It was Alice, my sister, wishing me luck and telling me that I would need it. I should have known right that moment it would be in my best interest to just turn around, but I'd foolishly continued on.
During my first run, my horse misstepped and pulled his shoulder. It wasn't bad, but with the long drive, I was fearful for his future soundness and decided to scratch him. I called Alice to jokingly blame her for the misfortune, and she apologized for potentially 'jinxing' me.
Little did I know, it wasn't just my first run that was jinxed. The next morning I was greeted to a colicky horse who couldn't be rode. The final straw was my third mount blowing under the pressure of the show ring. I was disqualified for a bad run.
I chalked the show up to be a complete failure and left that same night, scratching from the rest of the classes.
Arriving home, I wasn't fully prepared for the sight I was greeted to, though I can say that it made up for the bad week entirely.
Bella hadn't been expecting me for another three days when I returned home. After pulling in, I turned out the three horses from the trailer to let them stretch their legs, careful to keep Diablo in a more confined area so he wouldn't damage his shoulder further. I then headed towards the barn, assuming Bella was still there doing morning chores.
The weather had turned hot in the few days I was gone, but it had been mildly warm before I'd left and the least I'd seen Bella wearing was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. But when I found her mucking stalls, she was certainly in a whole lot less clothing.
In addition to picking shit, Bella was swaying her hips in time with the music, which was turned up louder than normal, I noticed. My eyes followed the curve of her hips as they swung back and forth. The pair of tight low-rise denim cut-offs she was wearing left little, yet still so much, to the imagination. Her toned legs were bare to her upper thigh, I watched lustfully as the muscles ripped beneath the surface of her pale skin. Her legs looked so soft, but so strong at the same time. Oh, how they'd feel wrapped around my waist...
She was still wearing her usual old, dirty boots, but even those were somehow sexy. Her girlish arms were exposed, thanks to the wife-beater style tank top she had on. The shirt didn't meet her shorts, which left a tempting strip of skin on her lower back exposed to my eyes, just begging me to touch it and find out if it was as silky soft as it looked.
I watched unabashedly as she continued to sway to the tunes while she picked the stall. She didn't notice me and I was far too lost in my own little world to alert her to my being there so we were both startled when she screamed.
Her hand flew up to cover her mouth when the sound emitted, and her eyes were wide with fright as she jumped backwards. She very nearly landed right in the wheelbarrow full of manure, but instead of ending up in it, she just fell over the handles, which almost made the contents spill on top of her.
I grimaced as I rushed forward. Of all the disrespectful, perverted things I'd ever done, this had to be the worst. Just to get my fill off of her tempting body I'd scared her half to death.
"Oh god, Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—" I started, reaching down to help her to her feet.
She cut me off. "No, no. I'm sorry... Unprofessional... You must think... I'm sorry. Please don't fire me," she rambled, not making any sense at all.
I laughed, I couldn't help it. It was so utterly absurd; I wanted exactly the opposite. I could have asked her to just come live with me right then and there.
I smoothed her ruffled hair—which I hoped seemed like a friendly gesture and nothing more, though really I was immersed with the texture of her hair—still chuckling. "Why would I fire you?" I asked seriously.
She turned redder, which I hadn't even thought was possible.
"Well, look at me!" she exclaimed with wide eyes, as if that explained everything.
I was already staring, I didn't see her point at all. She was breathtaking, drool worthy, I would happily give her a large pay increase if she agreed to wear similar clothing all the time.
"This is completely unprofessional," she continued, gesturing wildly. "I shouldn't have worn this to work, but it was just so hot and I didn't think you'd be back so soon."
I wondered just how offended she would be if I suggested she wear less clothing. That probably wouldn't go over so well, so I decided to say, "You are free to wear whatever you want here, Bella. There is no dress code. You can come in naked if you want."
The last part probably hadn't been necessary, but I did wish she would.
Her eyes went wide, she stared at me for a moment then looked away and said, "Why are you home so soon? Is everything okay?"
"Ah, no." She looked back at me anxiously. "Everything kind of went bad for me this week. Diablo stepped wrong and I didn't want him laming up so I scratched him early on. Abe colicked, but he's fine now. Sierra cracked under the pressure." I shrugged. "I decided it would just be best to scratch and come home." I really, really missed you, by the way, but I have no idea what that is suppose to mean...
"Wow, Edward, I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can do?"
Oh, so many things. Perhaps start with the hip swaying again, maybe give me a wink over your shoulder so I know you know that I'm watching this time. Peel your shirt off slowly—
"Edward?" she asked, looking at me with a confused expression.
"Huh?" I answered, brilliantly.
"Uh, I asked if there is anything I can do?"
"Oh, right." I laughed nervously, scratching me head. "Um, no. I need to unpack, then I'll be right back out to help you."
"That's not necessary. I'm sure you're tired. You had a really long drive and stressful week. I'm fine here, you should rest."
Not a chance. There was no way was I missing her looking like this for rest. I had all night. "I'm alright, I'll be right back out."
I turned to leave but then remembered I wanted to ask her... and she ran right into me. I caught her waist to keep her from falling—again—and ended up wrenching her right against me, her body bowed slightly. Her lower half was firmly against mine, her upper half was curved away from me, her hands placed on my chest. I was immobile, as the feelings passing through me were shocking, literally. I stared at her, not moving for far too long, but she didn't push me away and she stared right back.
When I finally realized how compromising this situation was, I released her and stepped back quickly, blushing just as darkly as she did.
We both stuttered out apologies at the same time, then laughed. I never felt so compelled to kiss someone in my entire life. I turned and left before I could start a sexual harassment lawsuit.
When I returned, I was utterly disappointed to find she had changed while I had been inside.
– – –
The weeks went by quickly, each day bringing out more and more newfound feelings for Isabella Swan. The attraction I had felt for her had been instantaneous, it hadn't faded over time, but only grew stronger. As we learned more and more about each other, I found that our friendship was easy and unforced, much like the attraction. All too quickly I realized that my feelings stretched far beyond that of simple attraction or friendly affection.
I slipped up with simple thoughts often, catching myself and trying to correct it, but failing miserably.
I love the way her hair floats behind her when she rides. I love the way she smiles at the horses; she always looks so truly happy around them. I love it when she gets frustrated with me, for whatever reason, though it was usually when I asked her questions about her wellbeing. I love her beauty.
I tried to replace the big 'L' word with the little 'L' word, but saying I simply liked something about Bella was too understated, because I did love those things about her. I loved her, whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not.
I didn't want to be in love again. I didn't want to be able to hurt like I had before. But then I would see her stunning face, hear her lovely voice, and catch her tantalizing scent and I would fall even more deeply in love with her.
With each passing day, we seemed to be running into each other more often than not, literally. We both had a tendency to get lost in our thoughts when not busy, and lately we'd been pulled from our own minds by crashing into each other.
As fate would have it, I was in a particularly bad mood after a bad night's sleep and problem after problem when we again came crashing into each other. Bella had been carrying a bucket with water in it and the water had sloshed all over the both of us.
"God damn it, Bella," I cursed angrily, letting my temper get the best of me.
I looked up from my wet tee and regretted my words instantly. She was biting her lip and looking at the ground, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. She stuttered out a shaky apology.
I sighed and pulled her chin up to make her look at me. "It was my fault. I had no right to take my temper out on you. I hope you'll forgive me for being such an... well, for speaking to you in such a way."
She shook her head, making my hand fall from her chin. "No, there's nothing to forgive. It was my fault. I'm the clumsy idiot."
"You are not an idiot, Bella." She didn't look convinced. After weeks of planning, this seemed to be my first chance at asking her on a date. In my mind I needed a reason to invite her to dinner—more than just the fact that I was falling in love with her. "Please let me make this up to you?" I begged.
"There's nothing to make up for, Edward," she mumbled casually.
Displeased, I tried again. "Please, Bella. I won't believe you aren't upset until you agree to let me cook you dinner tonight."
She simply shook her head. "There is nothing to be upset about. I'm not upset, really."
I took a quick step back, putting distance between us, and tried to hide my disappointment. "I understand."
She stepped towards me, following my retreat. "Understand what?" I glanced up at her to see that her eyebrows were knit together, probably due to my obvious withdrawal. "Edward, I'm not angry with you."
I nodded and took another step back, trying to flee before I let my hurt get the best of me, and today it actually might, what a crappy day. She took a step forward, bewildered at my moodiness. I nodded a goodbye and turned to leave.
She caught my arm and I froze at her touch. "Wait," she pleaded. "I'll have dinner with you, I just don't want it to be because you think you owe me something."
I turned around again to look at her. "What do you want it to be, then?" I asked, hopeful.
Her eyes grew wide and she quickly looked away, acting as though she had just spilled some secret she never meant to tell. Had she? Could she possibly have feelings for me, too? Did she want a date with me? I pushed the errant questions aside to listen to her answer.
Her mouth opened, but the answer never came.
I decided to put my balls to use for once and instead spoke my own feelings—with as little detail as possible.
"Bella, I want to invite you to have dinner with me for no other reason than to enjoy your company over a meal. Do you accept?"
She quickly stole a glance at me, then looked down and nodded.
I released a quiet sigh. "Good. What would you like?"
She smiled and spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "Anything is fine."
"You have to tell me what to cook for you, Bella," I encouraged.
Her enticing lips curled higher. "How about I only agree to come to dinner with you if you allow me to help you cook?"
"Nuh-uh, that's not how it works. You already agreed to have dinner with me. Surely you wouldn't back out."
She shrugged and I debated calling her bluff. Scared that she might actually back out on me, I agreed. "Fine then, if you must."
In the end it would really only give us more time together, and I wasn't about to complain about that.
Her white teeth gleamed as she smiled. "What time?"
"Ah, well, once we finish up, I suppose?"
She looked up at me, confused, then down at her clothes. "Edward, I need to change and shower, first."
You can use mine. I'll even lend you some clothes. Perhaps you'd like to start moving your own things into my bedroom?
"Nonsense, it's just me," was the best I could come up with that didn't involve perversion or hastiness.
I swore I heard her mutter, "Just you," but I forced myself to believe my imagination toiled that one in. "Whatever you say, I guess," she agreed to my delight.
I pulled at my clinging shirt and she said, "I am sorry, I didn't hear you around the corner. I should have been paying attention."
I shrugged. "I didn't hear you either, so it's just as much my fault." Her wet shirt was clinging to her as well, and I definitely wasn't sorry about that. "Don't apologize. I was hot anyways."
She laughed and I fought that never-ending urge to draw her lips to mine.
Maybe later, I comforted myself.
I rushed to help her with evening chores, eager to have her beside me in my kitchen.
BPOV
I couldn't believe how desolate it felt working in the barn alone. It was huge and being there by myself made it feel so empty. I missed his voice echoing through the aisle as we chatted from opposite ends of the barn. I missed his carefree whistle as we went through the daily chores together. I missed the sound of hooves hitting sand as he rode horses throughout the day, his gentle murmurs that carried from the arena to my ears, always making me smile.
I missed him.
I found I didn't like this big barn quite as much as I usually did without him there. Despite the fact that I didn't like it quite as much, though, I forced myself to continue on with my work. Distractions would get me nowhere and he expected everything to be kept to his high standard, even while he wasn't here, which I was more than willing to oblige to.
I wiped the sweat from my brow again. The weather had turned right after he left, the humidity rising so high that it felt like you were choking to death on heat. I'd worn my usual jeans and long sleeved shirt at first, but had given in and changed into a tank top and shorts when I couldn't stand the heat anymore. Facing the mailman in a pair of short-shorts was better than sweating to death in a pair of jeans. Though, I always brought the jeans along to ride because there was nothing worse than sticking to the saddle.
Mid-week, I'd let go a little bit more and turned the radio up. Singing wasn't my strongest suit, but being alone, I couldn't resist belting out some of my favorite tunes.
"I guess the Lord made me hard to handle, so lovin' me might be a long shot gamble. So before you go and turn me on, make sure that you can turn me loose..."
I thought I heard something and quieted up to listen. I strained to hear over the radio, but no more sound came. I quit my horrid screeching though, just in case.
No, no one is here. I'm alone, just hearing things, I told myself.
I kept picking the stall, enjoying the music. I turned to check the rest of the stall and nearly had a heart attack. My scream seemed to surprise him as much as it had surprised myself, and I stumbled backwards. The handles of the wheelbarrow caught me behind the knees and I tripped backwards, thankful I wasn't landing in the horse poop, though I had nearly taken the whole load down with me.
Edward wasn't suppose to be home yet!
He rushed forward, "Oh God, Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—" he started, using both of his hands to guide me back to my feet.
Jesus, he must think I'm a hooker dressed like this. Oh god, I'm going to lose my job. I am such an idiot. I cut him off, jumbling words together, "No, no. I'm sorry... Unprofessional... You must think... I'm sorry. Please don't fire me."
He was staring at me like I'd grown another nose. Unexpectedly, he busted out laughing, then he patted my head.
"Why would I fire you?" he asked.
Why wouldn't he? Look at how I showed up to work.
"Well, look at me!"
It was kind of beside the point, since he already seemed to be, but I mean, he had to think my outfit was ridiculous. I had turned the radio up too. Oh God, he'd probably heard my horrible singing!
"This is completely unprofessional," I pointed out, motioning to my clothes. "I shouldn't have worn this to work, it was just so hot and I didn't think you'd be back so soon," I admitted, making excuses for myself.
"You are free to wear whatever you want here, Bella. There is no dress code. You can come in naked if you want."
He surprised me with that ending, he said it so seriously, like he wasn't even joking.
"Why are you home so soon? Is everything okay?" I asked, pushing away the thoughts of him suggesting I work naked.
His answer was disappointing, it was really too bad. Finals were a big deal, to have to scratch would certainly not be a good thing and the amount of money he'd thrown away to enter classes then scratch, not to mention fuel costs, was probably more than I really wanted to consider.
Edward seemed distracted and I tried to urge him to go rest, but he was stubborn as usual. He decided to go in to unpack and turned to walk away.
I made to follow, intending to get my jeans out my truck so I could change. I didn't notice that he stopped or turned around and I ended up slamming right into him.
Edward's reflexes were quick and he easily caught me as I stumbled back, almost falling on my ass for the second time in front of him. His arms wound tight around my waist, effectively pulling our bottom halves together, while my hands braced against his chest, separating our upper bodies. Our eyes were locked, neither of us blinking as we stood there, staring. I couldn't bring myself to look away from his penetrating green eyes... I didn't want to.
His chest was solid and warm against my palms, while his lower body felt much the same. Against my stomach I could feel the thick, hard protrusion of his erection and blushed deeply at the thought of being the reason for it.
Could he really be attracted to me? Did I really make him... hard?
He broke our gaze first as he tilted his head back slightly. I watched his throat bob with a swallow, then he took a large step back away from me. His face was red with embarrassment. I'd never seen him blush before and I couldn't help but notice how cute he looked. I knew I was blushing too, but I certainly didn't look quite so attractive.
I tried to apologize but words were failing me. He seemed to be having the same problem and we both laughed awkwardly. I bit my lip, still smiling, and he quickly turned away. I followed after a few moments, both trying to calm myself and make sure I didn't run into him again.
– – –
At twenty-one, I was sure I knew the difference between love and lust, but meeting Edward had changed that. At some point, I had decided that my crush was simply hormonal. I lusted for him like teenage girls lusted for celebrity heartthrobs. It was juvenile and hormone-driven, shallow. Nothing more.
The rude awakening came the very first time he'd snapped at me.
"God damn it, Bella," he seethed, looking down at his wet shirt.
I hadn't even heard him coming. This had been happening to us so often lately and he was usually so patient with me. It would seem that his patience had finally wore out.
This was it, I was going to lose my job. But it was so much more than that. I could get another job, maybe not one that was as good as this one, but a job was just a job. What I couldn't replace was Edward. He was what made this job for me. I wouldn't ever be able to find another opportunity like the one I had because he wouldn't be the one offering it. My life was meagerly and disappointingly empty-sounding without the option of seeing him daily.
It was then that I realized just how attached to him I really was.
This had been my dream, to have a career doing what I loved, but I would give it all up just to have Edward, I realized.
Now I really couldn't lose this job. It was my everything.
I felt the unshed tears in my eyes and bit my lip to fight them back. I tried but failed to get an apology out, not even able to redeem myself that way.
I heard him sigh before his hand gently raised my chin. "It was my fault. I had no right to take my temper out on you. I hope you'll forgive me for being such an... well, for speaking to you in such a way."
I shook my head, releasing my chin from his soft hold. "No, there's nothing to forgive. It was my fault. I'm the clumsy idiot."
"You are not an idiot, Bella. Please let me make this up to you?"
Pity. It was always pity. I... loved... him, while he merely felt pity for me.
With a deep breath, I forced a calm tone. "There's nothing to make up for, Edward."
"Please, Bella. I won't believe you aren't upset until you agree to let me cook you dinner tonight."
I felt myself shaking my head. The pity was like resounding rejection. "There is nothing to be upset about. I'm not upset, really," I lied. I was upset, but no longer because he'd gotten angry with me.
His expression shifted suddenly, becoming unreadable, and he took a step backward. "I understand."
The shift in his demeanor was evident. He'd went from almost pleading to resigned, like he'd just given up.
What did he understand? What conclusion could he possibly have come to?
"Understand what?" I asked, unconsciously taking a step towards him. "Edward, I'm not angry with you," I said honestly.
His head bobbed, acknowledging my statement, but dismissing it. He backed further away and I took another step towards him. He gave me a nod, which felt like a dismissal, before turning to depart.
I caught his arm and said, "Wait. I'll have dinner with you, I just don't want it to be because you think you owe me."
He turned back, hopeful looking again. "What do you want it to be, then?"
I panicked. I want a date, damn it, a date free of pity... I tried to form words, to think of something appropriate to say, but I couldn't think of anything.
"Bella, I want to invite you to have dinner with me for no other reason than to enjoy your company over a meal. Do you accept?"
Definitely not a date, I thought, but he wanted to spend time with me... I checked his facial expression, unsure if he was being serious or just tormenting me, or pitying again, but he seemed honest. I nodded, knowing words would fail me.
He seemed eager, smiling winningly at me every chance he got while we did chores. I wasn't sure why it had to be tonight, or why I couldn't at least go home to shower and change first, but he insisted that it was 'just him'.
For him, I would probably have waxed my private parts and put on a dress. If that wasn't love, I didn't know what was...
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