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A/N: Strae beta'd and prompted, show her some love!
How to Turn a Straight Guy Gay
Part 14
"I don't want you to go," I tell him cautiously.
I don't, I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be without Edward—probably something close to hell, or the last twenty minutes. What the hell just happened to us?
He looks up at me slowly, hopefully. I move in his direction, sitting halfway in the middle of the two corners with my back against the window. He hesitantly moves to meet me in the middle and I snuggle into his side. He sighs and wraps his arms around me tightly.
"You're freezing," he whispers as I start to shiver. I didn't realize how cold I was sitting there naked. I nod and he holds me tighter. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby. You don't have any idea... I'm so fucking stupid... How could I—"
"Edward, what the hell just happened?" I wonder aloud, cutting him off.
"I don't know, Jasper," he sighs. "But please, please, believe me, I never had any intention of hurting you. I—"
"Did you... you didn't plan any of that, right?"
"No," he says firmly, urging my face toward his. "The only plan I had was for tonight to be special for us." He laughs bitterly. "I guess I made it pretty special, huh?"
"What were you talking about before, during? You kept saying that I planned something, that I was playing you?" I ask confusedly.
"I thought, stupidly, that you were purposely turning me on then walking away to punish me for the whole 'marking you' thing. I thought you kept pushing me away on purpose and that you planned to make me angry, to make a point about how utterly predictable I am. I thought you were trying to teach me a lesson, which I would have deserved, but I know now that I had it all wrong. I was angry and it's been a really bad day, baby, not that that's any excuse at all. I fucked up so bad... I fucked up."
I nod slowly, as it does make sense, in a way. "You did, but I believe you once told me that we all fuck up. It's okay, we'll be okay. I overreacted." One of his eyebrows raises just slightly, as if to say, "overreacted, you Jasper, no!" and I smack him in the chest. "Shut up!" I laugh thickly. He chuckles quietly with me, squeezing me and holding me to him tightly.
"We're in the closet together, baby," he jokes lightly and I roll my eyes.
The pain, the fear, the whole mistake that was the past... tonight slowly starts to roll away like a dark cloud pushing across the sky. Christ, I really did overreact, but what had he expected considering everything that had already gone wrong tonight? He's so stubborn, it just had to be tonight, and I'm, well, me... I'm frankly shocked he's still in the closet with me at all.
"Kiss me," I plead.
He obliges, but it's a soft, slow, timid kiss. I pull my lips away from his just enough to whisper that I love him and instead of replying, he starts kissing me again. He grows more certain and the kiss deepens. We make out on the closet floor until we're both short of breath, and he's rubbing my arms, telling me how cold I feel.
I remember the food I had been making and jump up and away from him with a curse. "Jasper!" he calls after me.
In the kitchen, I immediately turn off the oven and grab my mitts, pulling the dish out. It looks okay, but I have no idea if it's still edible. I hope so. I grab a fork and start stabbing around, and nothing feels crunchy or crusty, nor has anything turned brown or burned looking so I think that maybe I've actually gotten lucky for once. With the fork, I pull out a few noodles and a piece of chicken and shove it into my mouth.
It's really fucking hot and it burns my tongue, but it tastes okay, the chicken isn't rubbery or anything. It tastes really fucking good, actually, and I'm fucking starving.
I turn around to call for Edward, but he's already standing there. He's in the doorway, watching me uncertainly. "Come on, let's eat," I urge. He takes a faltering step, then another and his eyes dart to my right and I look over. He's looking at where he had bent me over and I sigh. I move directly into his line of sight and give him a small smile before reaching up into the cupboard for some plates.
He refuses to move any closer so I dish him out a hefty helping and take the two plates to the table. He sits down cautiously and I scoot my chair over closer to his, shoveling in about four bites of steaming hot alfredo before I stand up again to get us some milk.
"I think we need to talk," I say between mouthfuls.
"That'd be a good idea," Edward replies, watching me carefully.
I take another bite, thinking about what I want to say as I chew. "What would you have done, had Emmett not been here when you came home from work?" I ask finally after swallowing.
"My 'plan' for our 'special night' in my head went something like coming home to you naked and in bed, waiting for me." He takes a bite, chewing slowly and I watch color creep up into his cheeks as he swallows slowly. "I wanted you to be as hot as I was, I wanted you in my mouth, all over my skin, to taste and feel only you, and you only me, and to finally make love. Guess I fucked that up royally," he finishes harshly.
I grip his hand under the table. Holding on tight. "Did it feel like you were making love to me, for you, I mean, was it just me?" I shake my head. "Wait, don't answer that yet. I could feel the love, you were very gentle and loving for the most part, but everything else... it's hard to explain. I could feel how angry you were too, you know? It wasn't what I imagined it would be. I shouldn't have reacted so terribly, Edward, but please tell me honestly, did you think your actions were okay?"
He squeezes my hand and stares down at his food. "Yes and no," he says carefully. "I was angry and I was horny, but my intentions were good, I thought I was making love to you. It's a shit excuse, Jasper. I treated you... I treated you like a whore," he whispers.
I frown and try to keep eating though my stomach no longer feels able to handle the food. "Now that I'm not being a basket case, I do know you didn't mean to. It was just one fucked up day, right? I love you, that won't change," I assure him. "Talking is good, it helps me understand." I offer a weak smile, and he returns it with a mirrored sad smile.
"I love you too. I wish I could take it all back, do it over again. Are you okay?" he asks worriedly. "Did I do anything wrong, besides what I already know I did wrong? Are we okay?"
"I'm okay. You were perfect. Had I not freaked out... Well, I don't know what would have happened, because I think one of us was bound to blow in a bad way considering the anger and the stress. As for us, we'll be fine. We are fine. Fights are normal, random freak outs make us stronger, I love you as much as ever, we just have to try again. Everything that happened tonight, the mistakes we both made, that's not likely to ever happen again."
I smile and he sighs deeply. "Good, because I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life."
I continue to hold his hand in mine, eating with my left hand at I mull over my next question. "I want to know what your expectations are."
"My expectations for what exactly," he hedges.
"Us. How long do you expect us to be together?"
He continues to eye me warily as I eat. "I don't want there to be an expiration date on us," he says. "I want to be with you as long as you want to be with me."
"So... forever?" I ask, smiling shyly.
He nods. "That would be preferable, yes."
I chuckle and take another bite, thankful that a lighter mood seems to be settling in. "And what about kids? Did you want kids?"
He smiles widely and shrugs. "Maybe someday."
"You're okay with adopting? And cool with the whole two dads thing?"
He nods. "Yup," he says, popping the 'P'.
"What about marriage?" I ask slowly.
"Are you asking me to marry you?" he replies.
"Someday, if I have my way, I will be," I tell him.
He smirks at that. "I'd happily be your wife, Jasper Whitlock."
I crinkle my nose at him. "Husband, sweetie, husband, Jasper Whitlock will not have a wife."
He chuckles and leans in to kiss me. "I'll proudly, happily, and willingly be your husband, but good luck beating me to the proposal."
I silently sit there staring at him for several long moments while he slurps down noodles nonchalantly. The honesty, the confidence in his voice... He really wants to marry me. He wants to...
I shove myself away from the table, practically crawling into his lap in my urgency to get closer to him. His fork hits his plate with a clatter and he winds his hand into my hair as I kiss him deeply, shoving his chair away from the table. I resist when he tries to pull me down into his lap and I pull him up instead, urging him towards the bedroom.
"Make love to me," I whisper, barely separating our mouths long enough to get the words out.
Edward freezes, no longer letting me push him towards our bedroom, no longer kissing me, just frozen.
"Jasper," he strangles out. He swallows thickly, eyes wide, looking scared shitless. "I don't think... Not after... We're not ready."
I calmly caress his cheek and lean in to kiss him softly. "We're ready, baby." He shakes his head and his strong jaw quivers. "Sh, it's okay, Edward. Come on." I grasp his hand in mine and lead him to my bedroom. He follows, though reluctantly, he still seems more afraid than anything.
Gently, I push him onto the mattress and he climbs up towards my pillows. "I'm tired, we should just cuddle and sleep. We don't have to do it tonight, there's no rush."
The fright in his eyes is wild, and I know I put it there. I'm going to be the one to take it away, tonight. I slowly climb over the top of him, kissing as I go, paying special attention to his lovely cock. It's still hard and his balls are swollen from the lack of relief all day.
My poor, poor boy.
I kiss his sac, silently apologizing for not giving them what they so desperately need. He squirms and I wonder if they hurt. They probably do. I kiss up his cock, but don't put it in my mouth because I can already taste condom lube and that shit is disgusting. I also don't want to make him cum yet, because I know if I do, he'll probably feign sleep immediately after or something so he doesn't have to make love to me.
It sounds pretty manipulative of me, but he needs a release, and we need to do this.
I kiss his hands and his arms and his stomach and shoulders and lick his nipples and suck on his neck, finally making it to his mouth and he shifts uncomfortably as my cock grazes his. It makes me feel really fucking bad that I'm going to make him last through sex, when he's so obviously deprived right now.
I don't plan on wasting any time. I climb off of him and the bed, grabbing the bottle of lube off the nightstand before heading towards the bathroom. "Baby?" he calls after me questioningly.
"I'll be right back," I promise.
I tap the door closed with my foot and quickly ready myself for him. It doesn't take much, I'm still pretty moist from earlier and I'm fucking ready, so ready. I grab a towel and head back into the bedroom. Edward is exactly where I left him, looking vastly more nervous. One hand is fisted in his hair and the other into the bedspread beneath him, his eyes forcefully closed, his mouth a tight, grim line.
I set the towel down and he looks up at me in terror. "I don't think we should do this, not after how I treated you, Jasper."
I gently grasp his wrist and he allows me to pull his hand from his hair. I kiss his fingertips one by one, carefully studying him as he watches me. "Having sex wasn't a mistake," I say slowly. "We are both perfectly ready for sex. It's the way we both went about it. We were both angrily with each other, that was the mistake. It's both of our fault that it didn't go well, we should have been talking, not fucking."
"Then we should talk now, not do this again," he whispers harshly.
"You need me—" I start to say before he cuts me off.
"I don't deserve you. Don't give this to me, Jasper, not after—"
"Shh," I hush, kneeling up on the bed near his head. I run my fingers through his hair with one hand as he holds my other in a death grip. "It's going to be okay. I need you. I need you just as much as you need me, Edward. I'm sorry that—"
"Don't fucking apologize to me for what I did," he snaps, disgust obvious on his face.
How much damage I caused...
I slide my fingers from his hair, down to his mouth, tracing his lips as he tries to kiss my fingertips. "Don't beat yourself up, okay? I know it's probably no comfort in the least, but I've never reacted that way before, and I've been fucked from behind a lot. I never gave two shits if someone couldn't look at me, but with you, everything is so different. It's probably going to sound like a lie, but believe me when I say that that was the best fucking I've ever had."
"Jasper, this isn't funny," he mumbles angrily from behind my fingers that are trying to stop his words.
"I'm not laughing, Edward. I know it's not funny, I'm telling you the truth. I never should have reacted the way I did, and for that, I'm sorry. Maybe it's not the smartest thing to do, maybe we should keep talking, but I don't want to right now. I just want to be with you, I want to feel you inside of me. I want to hear you tell me you love me and to feel it when you move."
I finish my little speech with a kiss to his parted lips. "Make love to me," I whisper against his mouth again.
This time he doesn't panic so badly, but I can still definitely see the fear there as he nods and kisses me. "I love you," he breathes, taking my cock in his hand and stroking it slowly.
"I know you do, I never should have doubted it."
"No, you shouldn't have, but I never should have given you reason to doubt it."
I sigh and swing my leg over his torso, straddling him while I lean over to the nightstand for a condom. His hand never leaves my cock, nor does it ever pick up any pace at all; just a rhythmic stroke, stroke, stroke. I have to grab his wrist and peel his hand off so I can scoot down his body to slide the condom on. I sit down on his thighs and they tense hard as rocks when I just barely touch him. His cock throbs and throbs as I slide the condom down his length, stiff and hot. He groans and clutches the comforter in his hands while I coat his condom-covered cock liberally with more lubricant. He's so fucking hard, I'm pretty sure there can't be enough lube anywhere right now. He's not going to last long at all by the looks of things, but I don't even care.
I don't care.
I just want to feel him inside of me, and even if it's quick, I want to feel him cumming with my body wrapped around him. I want to be the one that brings him that pleasure.
I wipe my hands off on the towel and position myself over him, while his brow quirks just slightly. "Don't you want me on top?"
I can't help it, I laugh. He's just so fucking cute when he's confused. "I'm top bottoming for you right now," I tell him.
"Oh," he says. "I just remember you saying you liked being lazy..." he trails off, chuckling.
"Shut up," I laugh, kissing him so he can't say something else to make me laugh.
Chest to chest, we kiss, and his fingers start to blaze fire hot trails over my skin. Breathing becomes difficult as he traces every dip between my ribs, then down my spine, oh-so fucking slowly. Torture. The best torture I've ever felt, but still verging on painful for how slow it is.
Then grabs my fucking ass cheeks in his big, strong hands and spreads me apart, arching his hips up to tease me further, brushing his hard cock against the spot I need him most.
I don't even realize we have stopped kissing until his breath hits my ear in an airy chuckle. "You're wet, Jasper," he says.
My cock jumps between us and he chuckles again, grinding his muscled stomach against my dripping cock and his hot, hard length against my needy hole.
"Are you ready?" I ask, pushing my hands beneath my pillows, finding comfort in the coolness against my sweaty palms.
He nods against my shoulder and I push up slightly to see his face. He meets my eyes unwaveringly as he says, "Yes."
I smile, sitting up further yet and bracing one hand on his chest while I use the other to guide him where I want him. His eyes get a distant look to them as I slowly start to slide him into me, stretching more the deeper he goes. His eyes snap to focus at the inopportune moment I take to grit my teeth against the slightly uncomfortable feeling.
"Are you okay?" he asks quickly, gripping my hips lightly to keep me still. I take several deep breaths and nod. "Are you sure I didn't hurt you before?" he demands.
Again, I nod. "Just been a long time, baby."
I don't know how long he assumes it's been for me, but I haven't had anything substantial in me for about eight months. And, of course, by substantial I mean bigger than four inches. James was not, and the amount of time I spent trying to shake him, plus the time I spent not being with anyone at all while Edward and I grew closer equaled a whole fucking eight months. My ass doesn't know what to do with itself right now. It's jumping for joy and cringing in horror all at the same damn time.
His thumbs rub soothingly over my hipbones, swirling and massaging as he murmurs that he loves me. It works wonderfully.
Once past the minor discomfort, I'm able to continue on, taking Edward all the way inside of me. I sigh and he reassuringly strokes my back and sides. I experiment with what range of motion feels good right now and quickly discover that with the stellar banana curve he has going on, he pokes me just fucking perfectly and it all feels pretty fucking good.
"Oh, Jesus," I moan, grinding down on him.
Edward grips my shoulders and pulls me forward a bit more, making me lean over him as I thrust. I make several long passes over his long cock, trying to give him the whole experience here before I start grinding down on the good spot. I need to show a little restraint for my man, at least.
He moans and groans and sighs and meets my thrusts and licks his lips, all the while not taking his eyes off of mine. It's the true goddamn experience alright, for both of us. I've never made love before. I've never looked into someone's eyes as I rode their cock. I've never told someone that I loved them while having sex, or heard it back. I never really knew what it meant to make love.
Until now.
Edward's hands never stay in one place for long, instead they linger over my entire body, seemingly touching everywhere at once. He holds me and caresses me, feeling and embracing and loving...
His hands still on my sides and he lets his eyes move from mine, only to rake over my body like hot coals to my skin. He locks them back to mine, his voice rough with lust or emotion, love, as he says, "You're so beautiful, Jasper."
As if I wasn't already overwhelmed with how amazing this it. No one has ever called me beautiful in my life, and to hear Edward say it as he makes love to me. For him to really mean it, to think that. It's almost too much, too good to be true.
"So are you," I choke out, falling forward onto his chest as I kiss him with everything I can possibly give. "I love you, so much," I moan.
"You feel so good, baby," he rasps, stroking his hands along my back.
I widen my thighs and drop my forehead against his as I fight desperately for breath, grinding my dick between us as I hump him in short strides.
Oh, God. Right. Fucking. There.
Sex with Edward is going to be... holy shit, I'm not going to be able to walk for days and not because I'm sore. I'm going to be able to think about this and cum. He hasn't even fucked me thoroughly yet and already he's ruined me for all other men. I'm his now, completely.
I'm sweating and panting and trying like hell to keep my eyes open—you don't realize how hard that shit actually is until you have to do it. I'm almost embarrassed for how short of breath I am and that my legs are already getting tired. Good sex always takes the most out of you. Just when I think that he can't possibly be any better of a lay, he wraps his arm low and tight around my hips and flips us over. Without slipping out.
He should be inseminating the masses with his un-fucking-believable qualities. The world needs many, many more Edward Cullens.
I'm so fucking happy I have my very own.
"I love you," I chant over and over, blinding grasping at everything in my fucking reach, trying to find something to hold the fuck onto. Where the fuck is the headboard when I need it?
He's panting hard and thrusting harder, his hips slapping softly against me as he hits me deep and perfect with each drive. I moan, and I moan, desperately trying to keep my eyes open for him, but it's so fucking difficult when you can't see a damn thing anyway—he's fucking me so good, I've literally gone blind. I grip onto him, and shit behind me, and myself, but I can't stay still. I'm grabbing everything, losing my fucking mind and, oh God, it's just so good.
I'm begging his name and pleading for a release and my eyes are rolled back into my fucking skull, I can't fucking stop moving and shaking and grabbing. His lips press lovingly against my jaw and my throat, my chin, my open mouth. His hand slides between us, stroking me hard as I wrap my legs high around his waist.
Best sex of my life.
I'm probably screaming that, I don't know. I can't see and I can't stop moving, and I wish I would just calm the fuck down but I can't because this is so fucking incredible that I don't even know where the fuck I am anymore. What is my name again?
"Jas. Oh, God, Jasper, baby, I'm so fucking close."
Oh, that's right, Jasper. I'm... Christ, I'm close too.
He changes our position rather suddenly, his arms hooking behind my knees, pulling my ass up higher as he pins his hands down on the bed. He hits me deeper, harder, faster and I'm hopeless.
"Edward, I'm gonna cum," I cry, then again, and again, and again until I shove my mouth over his to just shut myself the fuck up already. He doesn't seem to mind that he's fucking me stupid, but Christ, I'm verging on ridiculous with this level of mindlessness.
His mouth works hard over mine, his hips pistoning with just the right force, just the right speed, just the right oh my fucking God. My dick hurts from slapping between us with no real contact at all, and I have to put myself out of my own misery. I can't wait any longer.
I squeeze and tug, probably too hard, I have a feeling it's going to end up hurting in the morning, but it feels good now, that's all that matters. I'm seeing stars and fireworks and magic fairy dust and other shit that sparkles like a fucking diamond.
Edward groans this long, deep, painful sounding grunt that takes my fucking breath away. I feel him expand in me and I can't fucking wait to feel him tremble, pulse, and explode inside of me.
"Holy fuck, Jasper," he gasps, moaning repeatedly as he starts to throb.
His thrusts shorten to almost no movement at all, but it's perfect, because he's right there, cumming, and Christ, there is no amount of sex with anyone else that can feel this good.
Before he's even completely finished inside of me, I'm cumming for all I'm worth. I try like hell not to be messy and fling cum everywhere as I jerk it, but I can't fucking help it. I don't really care, I'll clean it up later.
He drops one of my legs and I'm about halfway through my orgasm when his hand grips firmly on the lower half of my cock. My hand stays towards the top and we both jerk me firmly until I'm spent and squeezed of every drop of cum. Practically dead. Fucked the life out of me.
Best sex ever.
He wraps his arms around me and his chest slides slickly over mine, probably smearing cum everywhere. I don't care. I about have a goddamn seizure when he slides his deflating cock out of me. He works gently and meticulously to clean me up, being unbelievably delicate with the harsh terrycloth.
Still breathing hard, I open my eyes to find him. He's lying next to me, lazily grinning as he strokes his finger back and forth over my upper abdomen. "That was..." I trail off, staring into his vibrant eyes.
"The best sex you ever had?" he asks with a smug smirk.
I exhale noisily, dropping my head back. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Only a few times," he chuckles.
I'm not really embarrassed, it's the fucking truth. "What about... for you, I mean, was it..." I trail off again, this time worried.
"It definitely was," he assures, leaning in to kiss me. "It was also the most destructive sex I've ever had," he says laughingly.
Destructive?
When I look around, stepping outside of our little bubble of perfection, I realize that my bed is basically stripped of its covers. Pillows are everywhere, the blanket and sheets bunched up on either side of us, pulled from their places. And the nightstand is tipped over, the lamp that usually sits on it broken on the floor.
"How the fuck did I manage that?" I ask.
He laughs, shaking his head. "I don't have any idea. You kicked the other one over as well."
I groan, leaning up to see that the other nightstand is indeed dumped over on its side. The picture that usually hangs on the wall beside my bed is hanging precariously crooked and I also yanked the curtains off of the nearest window.
"Jesus Christ," I mumble. My room is a fucking mess.
"I'm feeling rather proud at the moment," he says, stretching cockily out on his back, all his naked glory there for me to ogle. I roll on top of him and he 'oomph's with a laugh, wrapping his arms around me. "Ready for round two?" he asks with a huge smirk.
Oh my... fuck. Round two already? I just barely finished cumming.
I only catch on to the fact that he's kidding when his nose starts to crinkle. "Oh, yeah, baby, I'm so ready for round two. It's your turn to bottom," I joke, gripping one of his legs to hitch it upwards.
He rolls us back over, pinning me to the bed. "I don't fucking think so, love. I get to top a few times at least before you make me your bitch."
"Oh, baby, you're so cute, acting like you're not already my bitch."
I toss my head back with a loud laugh at the look that crosses his face and he growls, sinking his teeth into my throat. I gasp and squeal and laugh and he chuckles, rolling around in my bed with me, just being happy and us, in love.
When we calm down, I lie with my head on his arm while he rests his face in my hair and breathes as I trace the contours of his chest and stomach. I'm just about to fall asleep when Edward sits up, grabbing my arm.
"Come on, love, up. Let me make this shit before we fall asleep."
I grumble and groan as he hauls me upwards off the bed. I shift a little uncomfortably as my ass screams in protest, acting like it's just been abused. Asses apparently have short term memories, and mine has already forgotten it just had the best fucking of its life.
"Nice sex hair," Edward laughs.
I peek over at him and mumble, "You too."
He chuckles and steps up to me, kissing me softly before turning his head and thrusting his tongue into my mouth. I moan and he chuckles and grabs my ass. With both hands. And he shoves me against him.
I wince and squeak, because my ass needs a little time off right now, and not just in the 'Do Not Enter' sense. I need a good night's sleep and a hot bath, probably a day or two to recoup and I'll be good to go again, but his cock is big and it really took a lot out of me.
"Shit," Edward hisses after pulling his mouth away from mine.
When I open my eyes, his are wide and concerned. "Shit, shit, shit," he repeats, peppering kisses all over my face. "Are you okay, baby?" I nod and he continues to kiss my nose, my cheeks, my forehead. "I love you," he says. Before I can even say it back, he asks again, "Are you sure you're okay? Did I hurt you?"
"No, baby, you did not," I tell him firmly.
"I'm sorry—" he starts to say, but I grab his bottom lip in my teeth, cutting him short. "Ow," he mutters as I keep his lip between my teeth.
I tug on his lip a little before letting it go and he pulls it into his mouth, sucking on it. When he releases it, I dart my tongue out to lick it then kiss his top lip. "I'm fine."
He's so loving and gentle, it's astounding. I know he can be the complete opposite at times, which only makes every sweet caress and word that much more special. But sometimes the level of care he shows is overbearing.
"Where are you going?" he calls after me as I turn away from him.
"To clean up the mess out here," I tell him.
"I'll do it, baby, you're sore," he says.
"I can wash a fucking dish," I mumble, mostly to myself, but he hears.
"I know you can wash a fucking dish, but I wish you would just go lie down. You're sore, I can tell."
"I'm fine. I thought you were making the bed?" I ask pointedly.
He huffs then walks away. "Fine, fucking don't listen to a goddamn thing I say, know what's good for him, stubborn sexy ass bastard," he grumbles as he goes.
He grumbles when he doesn't get his way. It's pretty damn cute when it's not completely fucking annoying.
I swipe the dirty dishes off the table and counter, taking them to the sink to wash. I cover the leftover fettuccini alfredo and put it in the fridge while the sink is filling. Edward is banging around in my bedroom, and I assume righting the nightstand and shit, but when I look in the direction of my bedroom, he is standing there with a magazine open to the centerfold.
He found my stash. I snicker to myself and start doing the dishes while watching him thumb through the porno mag.
"Does this shit really get you off?" he asks, holding the center open in my direction. "This dude has a tiny cock, I mean, this isn't even remotely centerfold worthy."
"Yes, that shit really does get me off. His cock isn't that small and he has a nice body, baby, I see the appeal. Keep digging if you're looking for the good stuff."
He tosses the magazine over his shoulder and drops down onto his knees, rummaging my porno nightstand—the nightstand on the opposite side of my bed as my 'sexcapades' nightstand. "This hiding spot is not original at all, you know."
"It's not a hiding spot, it's a keeping spot," I explain.
"A keeping spot," I hear him mumble back. "There is more than one porno flick in here, Jasper. I thought you said you had one good one?"
"I do have one good one, and several not so good ones for when I want porn and no plot." He laughs and rolls his eyes at me, tossing my porn out onto the floor. "Would you stop making more of a mess in there and clean up instead? And be careful with that shit, I might need it."
He glares in my direction. "What the fuck will you need porn for?"
"So I can masturbate," I explain slowly.
"You can't just close your eyes and think of me?" he asks, sounding hurt. Fuck. Could he be anymore jealous? "Or better yet, you could just use my porno pics."
"You know, I never opened those," I divulge offhandedly.
"What?" he practically yells. "Why not?"
"Because, it still feels like I'd be invading your privacy, even if I have seen your peen now. Plus, it kind of pisses me off that you took them for someone else," I reply, getting in my very own jealous stab.
He slowly starts to gather my porn back up, looking like he's actually arranging it nicely before he puts it back where it belongs. Note to self: When Edward is having a jealous fit, countering with your own jealousy seems to work.
Finished with the dishes, I dry my hands and flick the lights off, heading back into my bedroom. He has the fitted sheet back on the bed at least and the flat sheet is kind of just tossed on top. He's currently beating the shit out of my favorite pillow, which makes me irrationally angry.
I yank the pillow out of his hands and carefully climb up into the bed, mindful of my nether parts. "I wasn't finished," he deadpans.
I grab the comforter off the floor, throwing it haphazardly across the bed. "Don't care, I'm tired. Hit the fucking light and get your pretty ass in here and spoon me, lover," I demand, snuggling into my beloved pillow.
He grumbles—I giggle into my pillow—and turns out the lights, sliding in behind me, naked cock against naked ass. I shudder and he kisses my neck, hugging me tighter. "Love you, Jasper."
"Love you more," I reply, wriggling my ass against him.
"Are you talking to me or my cock?" he asks, sounding a bit offended.
"You. My ass loves your cock though."
He chuckles into my hair and grips my hips to lightly wiggle his cock against my ass. "My cock loves your ass too... and your mouth."
"Goodnight, you fucking adorable pervert."
"Night, love."
– – –
Edward is already gone by the time that I wake up in the morning and the whole night before comes rushing back to me as soon as I open my eyes.
My God, the pain was excruciating, thinking that he was only out to hurt me. It was ridiculous, but, now, the morning after, I don't regret it.
No, I don't regret the meltdown. I regret melting down so melodramatically, but the talk afterward was much needed. His words, the obvious level of devotion and love, the fact that I even reacted that way, the love making; it was worth it.
I sit up in bed, cringing as I move to stand, and kind of whimper as I start to walk. My ass is in pain.
I head straight for my tub and fill it up with nice hot water, soaking until I can't stand it anymore. Then I lock the fucking doors and find my ass cream. I don't care who you are, that shit is embarrassing to have, which means I hide it cleverly. As embarrassing as it is, it's the secret weapon for situations like this. I suppose, once the time comes, I'm going to have to tell Edward...
I get dressed and eat, feeling marginally better. I'm just glad Edward isn't here to fret and dote upon me. No butt sex for us tonight. Had we not technically had sex twice in one night, I would probably be okay, but for right now, I literally have a pain in my ass.
I work for a few hours, finishing a started piece and beginning one requested charcoal drawing. I start to get a little lost in my music and can't concentrate at all, and before I really know what I'm doing, I'm grabbing new products and just drawing. Edward is heavy on my brain and my hand is working with quick, methodical movements, transferring him onto the paper in a lifelike rendering.
But his nose, his nose has that tiny little crook in it, and I can't for the life of me get it. I move, standing on the far side of my work area, but that's not enough. I climb onto the goddamn table, desperate to get this fine detail right. From the new angle, I can. It's a small detail, but it's important. Just as important as the light dusting of freckles that color his cheeks—more on the left than the right.
I tilt my head back, shoving my hair off of my face, and catch movement in my peripheral. I glance up, not expecting anything more than a trick of light, but gasp and tumble right of the edge of the table when I find Edward standing there, watching me.
I yank my earbuds out as he rushes over to me, but he doesn't say a word as he crouches down, cupping my face in his hands.
He doesn't have to say a word, I can see it on his face. Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong.
His eyes are blood shot, his jaw tight, his entire face ashen... and he hasn't said a word.
I slide my palms over his hands on my face and pull them off. With his hands not there to stop me, I dart forward, wrapping my arms tight around his neck as I hug him close. It takes a few moments for him to respond, but when he does, it's forcefully. His arms are almost painful, how tight he wraps them around me. He drops his face into the side of my neck and just breathes. He breathes deeply, brokenly.
I give him a few minutes before I whisper, "What happened?"
He sits back slowly, digging in his pocket. "I maxed out every card that I could get cash off of," he says, shoving his hand at me, loaded with hundred dollar bills. "He moves quick, but not as quick as I do. There should be about twenty grand here. I know it's not much, but I want you to have it."
"What?" I gasp, shaking my head at him. "Edward, what the hell?"
"It's over," he says, a small smile curving the corners of his lips upwards. "It's finally over."
"What?" I gasp, this time completely out of breath. "It's over?" What the hell does he mean it's over? What...
"Yes. Here," he says, stuffing the bills into my unresponsive hands. "Take the money, Jasper. It's over, no more hiding."
I can feel it, the darkness, it's coming. I can almost see it coming. I welcome it. I can't do this, not again. I want the dark to swallow me. We're over? And he's giving me money?
"Jasper," I hear him call distantly. He moves in slow motion, reaching for me. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"Over?" I hear myself ask again. There is a long pause, then the whole fucking room is spinning.
"No," Edward gasps. "No, no, no, no. Jasper, baby, that's not what I meant. Not us. Oh God, breathe, Jasper."
I hear a terrible rasping sound and it burns, it burns so good as the air hits my lungs.
"Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe," Edward begs.
I'm in his lap, I can feel him holding me, rocking me. But I have no idea what the fuck is going on right now.
"God, I'm so fucking stupid. We're not over, baby, never. I'm sorry, so sorry. My stupid fucking mouth. Can't I fucking think, just once before I open it." His lips press quickly over the side and back of my neck, kissing, my chest aches so fucking bad... "Jasper, are you okay? I'm so fucking sorry." He kind of shoves me onto the floor and crawls around so he's facing me. "Baby, please tell me you're okay. You scared the shit out of me, you weren't fucking breathing for a minute there. You can't just stop breathing because I say something stupid, fuck." He shoves his hand into his hair, glaring at me halfheartedly.
"You're not allowed to get mad at me for not breathing when you told me that we're over," I rasp out.
"I never said we're over, I said it's over."
"That's the same fucking thing," I yell.
He winces, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispers, leaning forward to cup my face in his hands and kiss me.
I pull back, frustrated. "It's fine, I guess, but would please fucking tell me what the hell is going on, because you shoving twenty thousand dollars at me and telling me it's over does not sound good."
Edward sighs, keeping his eyes closed while he hangs his head. "It, Jasper, not us."
"Okay, what the fuck is 'it'?" I snap.
"The whole mess. My father, he knows. There's no more hiding and bullshit, that's over," he explains, confusing me further.
"What?" I ask breathlessly.
"Yesterday, the thing that happened at work that I didn't want to tell you about? Turns out he was testing me, and I failed, terribly. I might as well have just came right out with it and told him that I'm gay.
"There is a paralegal at the Cullen Firm that is gay. He doesn't flaunt it or anything like that, but he has a boyfriend that brings him lunch everyday. Usually they are very discreet, and very few people in the office had even seen them hold hands, but yesterday they kissed goodbye and my father and I just happened to be able to see them from his office. It was very chaste, sweet, there wasn't even any touching or tongue, but my dad pitched a fit about inappropriate conduct in the office. And then he used the F-word. I behaved, even though inside I was ready to tear him a new one for using that word. He went on and on ranting about homosexuality and a bunch of bullshit about no one wanting to see it. I barely kept my cool, but I managed it because he's just an old asshole, no one gives a shit what he thinks. He started talking about firing him though, and I asked him if he was seriously going to discriminate against him because of his sexual orientation and my dad spouted off some crap about him not being good at his job.
"That's the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard, he's one of the best paralegals I've seen, definitely the best in the office, and my fucking piece of shit father was going to fire him because he was gay. I wasn't having that shit, but there wasn't anything I could say to my father at all. So I went behind his back. I told him what my father's plan was and I told him to quit. And he listened to me.
"So my father found out today that it was me and asked me if I was some kind of 'faggot lover'. He started laughing when I didn't say anything to that, when I didn't deny it, I'm sure he could tell I was pissed. He taunted me for close to a half hour this morning before I told him to take his money and stick it so far up his ass he could taste it. He told me to get out of his house, to forget about law school, and to forget about ever seeing his family again, because I was not part of it. He wouldn't have a faggot for a son."
"Oh, God, Edward," I gasp.
He just shrugs. "Whatever. It's better this way. I was never going to be a good lawyer and it's not what I wanted anyway. I don't need his money or his house, and I sure as hell don't need him as my father. Kind of sucks that Esme and Carlisle aren't going to be able to be there for me anymore, but—"
"Edward," I choke out, "you don't have to do this, you—"
"Yes, I do, baby," he says, reaching forward to stroke my cheek. "I'll miss Esme, and Carlisle too, I suppose, but you're more important. The old bastard doesn't have that long left anyway so when he croaks, I'm sure Carlisle will give me my share of the Cullen estate and we'll all live happily ever after."
"But—"
"No buts, love. I love you, I'm not even close to regretting what I did, I'm happy. You're my life now."
"You shouldn't give it all up for me, not Esme," I gasp.
"Esme will be fine. She'll understand, hell, she'll probably tell me I actually used my brain for once. She wants me to be happy, Jasper, you're what makes me happy. Even if you don't want me anymore, I'm not going back. It's not worth it."
"Don't say that, don't even think about there being a chance of me not wanting you, because there isn't one. I'll always want you, I would have wanted you even if you were a hobo on the sidewalk."
He chuckles at that, stroking my back. "I don't know about that, love. I would have been a really smelly hobo, I'm sure."
"I would have bathed you and made you pretty," I assure him.
His lips purse and he shakes his head at me. "You're so fucking cute, Jasper. I love you."
"I love you too, baby. I'm really sorry that you're giving all this shit up for me, I'm sorry that you have to, that that's the way it has to be, but I'm not fucking sorry that you did it. I'm selfish enough to want you more than I want you to have your family. I'm too selfish to tell you not to do this for me. I don't know that I'm worth it, but I don't really give a shit either way because I'm not fucking letting you go."
He smirks, sliding his hands into my hair to pull my mouth to his. "You know what this means, right?" he asks against my mouth.
"Mm-mm," I hum, shaking my head slightly, but not breaking our kiss.
"It means I need someplace to live..." he trails off, kissing me softly,
"No you don't," I tell him, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth.
He moans softly then pulls away enough to whisper, "I love you, babe, but I'm not willing to rough it on the streets just to give you some kind of hobo fantasy."
I chuckle, shoving him on the shoulder. "That not what I fucking mean, Edward. I mean you don't need to find some place to live, because you'll live here, with me."
He smiles slightly, a relieved smile. "Are you sure? Is it too soon? I can find someplace else."
I shake my head, then bunch his shirt in my hands, pulling him to me. "I'm sure, and even if it is too soon, I don't fucking care because I want you here, always. And take your fucking money and get yourself a bank account, I don't want that shit."
"Jasper—"
"Don't you Jasper me," I warn.
He huffs. "We fight a lot, maybe it's not the best idea for me to move in with you."
"We only fight when you say stupid shit, so as long as you keep apologizing when you open your mouth and bullshit comes out, then we can have some epic make-up sex afterwards and everything will be fine."
"Epic make-up sex... Are you sure that's how it works?"
"Positive."
He chuckles and starts kissing me again, pulling me tightly to him. He raises his knees and I slide down onto hip lap, pressing us even closer together. He moans when I grind down onto him a little, but it kind of hurts my ass so I don't do it again. His hands drag down my back, holding me tightly to him as he grinds up at me.
"Baby, my ass kind of hurts," I admit begrudgingly.
"You fell off a desk," he says.
"Shut up," I tell him, not wanting to hear this crap about me falling off a desk. I'd like to forget that happened, please.
"Your face was priceless, and you make the cutest fucking sound when you get scared."
"I'm serious, shut the fuck up, this is verging on bullshit that you're going to have to say sorry for."
He chuckles. "It's like a mouse, this tiny little choked-up squeak." I growl and move to pull away from him, but he laughs and holds me to him. "I'm sorry," he apologizes.
"Are you just starting a fight so you can apologize and get epic make-up sex?" I ask incredulously.
"Maybe," he laughs.
I sigh and smack him on the shoulder. "No make-up sex for you, my ass hurts."
"Did I hump you too hard last night?" he asks, still somewhat laughingly.
"No, nor is your cock too big or my ass too small, the sex too good or the grinding too fast. I just need some time to recover from the best sex of my life."
He continues to chuckle, looking honestly happy, completely. "Maybe you can give me a blowjob then, you know, since I was such a good boy and apologized."
"You're hopeless," I sigh, shaking my head at him.
He grins widely. "Is that a yes?"
"Oh my God, could you be any more dense and perverted?" I groan, rolling my head back.
He leans in and nips at my throat, pausing only to say, "You love me."
"I do," I admit while he continues to bite and lick at me. When I lean my head back forward, he kisses my lips, griping the back of my head to pull my mouth tighter against his, kissing me deeply.
His phone starts to ring and he shifts, digging it out of his pocket. I open my eyes as he continues to kiss me, and find him glancing at the screen. He pulls his mouth away from mine. "It's Carlisle, I have to answer it," he says.
I nod and he takes the call. I stay in his lap, wrapping my arms around his back and hugging him while he talks and strokes his fingers along my spine. He isn't on the phone long and as soon as he ends the call, he turns his head and kisses my cheek, telling me, "We have an hour."
"For what?" I ask.
"To go to Carlisle's and say goodbye," he explains.
"We? No, baby, you should just go, I don't think—"
"You're coming," he insists. "I want you there and they want you there."
"Are you sure?"
He nods, tapping my butt lightly. "Get up and put more clothes on, sexy."
I hop up, throwing something decent on quickly, and when I pass my art room, and the door is still open, I move to close it but notice that Edward is still in there, standing over the drawing I was doing of him.
"Do you mind?" I ask. "I can stop if you don't want me drawing you. I got a little carried away..."
He walks toward me, a smile curving his mouth crookedly, and he takes my hand, leading me from the room. "No, baby, I don't mind. I can't believe you cut that shit off right above my junk though."
I snort and jump at him for a kiss. "I'll draw your junk another time," I promise.
"Damn right you will, my goods need to be immortalized."
Still holding hands and laughing, we slip shoes on and head for the car.
Once on the road, I ask Edward what his father is going to do now. He tells me he's not really sure, but he assumes that there isn't a whole lot he can do. Edward knows that I draw under the pseudonym of J. Hale, but very few others are aware of that. I don't attend many gallery shows or really put myself out there all that much anymore and only the folks who write out my check know my real name. Edward thinks that it would take some digging on Ed Senior's part to discover where exactly my work is, and even then, there really isn't anything he can do to slander me, as I'm not hugely known, but already established enough for anything he says not to matter.
Edward assures me he's not stupid enough to have me whacked.
Edward's future is in shambles, though. He really doesn't have any prospects, and law school isn't an option—even if he wanted to go back, he couldn't afford it. I'll be the breadwinner for the time being, and I'm completely okay with that, though I do wonder what it's going to be like spending that much time with him.
As we start to get closer to Carlisle and Esme's, I start to fuss over myself, as I do when I'm nervous. I know Edward hates it when I pull down the visor every forty seconds, but I can't help it. He doesn't say anything about it, so I think that maybe he's getting better about the whole car obsession thing. He never said if Ed Senior was taking it away too... I'm not asking that shit.
When we pull into the driveway, Edward grabs me, pulling my mouth to his and not letting me pull away until I'm panting. He barely lets me catch my breath before he's making out with me again, and quickly the only thing I can think about is my throbbing dick. He's looks all kinds of hot in his plain white tee and jeans, his hair is a fucking mess, and his lips are all red and juicy. I want to fuck that pretty mouth...
"Okay, baby, let's go inside."
Grudgingly, I do as he asks, stiffly, without checking to make sure I look alright first. I'm sure I don't, I probably have a sex flush and my hair is probably all over the fucking place, and God, my dick hurts now.
He's such an asshole.
I fucking love him so much.
I was never the marriage type of guy, but I want to drag his ass to Vegas and get hitched pronto. I'll even let him call me Mrs. Edward Cullen if he wants to—in fact, I might even fucking like it.
Esme hugs and kisses us both hello and there is a lot of whispered words between Edward and her, and I just stand back, because I shouldn't be here. I'm the reason he's being tore away from them.
Carlisle stands back and watches as well, not coming between the... brother and sister-in-law. God, she should be his mother, it's so weird.
When Esme releases him, he approaches Carlisle and they share quiet words before hugging.
I kind of hate myself, because he's giving up this part of his life, for me, and I know that he shouldn't.
"What are you doing all the way back here, Jasper?" Esme asks quietly.
I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it only grows larger. "Will you let him know, I'll be in the car."
"I will do no such thing," Esme replies, reaching out to grab me, stopping me. "He loves you, Jasper, that makes you part of this... dysfunctional family. You're important to him, and that makes you important to us. We'll miss you too," she says, hugging me again.
"He should be with you."
Esme laughs, pulling back to look at me. She shakes her head and cups my face. "No, sweetheart, he belongs with you. I mothered him as long as he allowed, but he's grown up now and he's right where he belongs."
"He needs a mother," I whisper.
She smiles. "He has one. Two, actually."
"He needs you."
"No, not anymore. He needs you now. Come with me, let's go make a drink."
She slides her hand into mine and leads me away. Edward watches me go, and it feels so wrong, being here while he says goodbye, because of me.
"I need you to keep a secret for me, Jasper," Esme says hurriedly, releasing my hand and quickly moving away from me. "I've known for some years where Edward's mother is, but Carlisle made me promise to never tell him. Ed Senior gave Elizabeth Masen a very large amount of money and sent her away. She didn't go willingly, mind you, she was threatened, and Ed made damn sure that she stayed away. But she contacted us, almost immediately. She made us promise that when Edward was no longer in danger, that we would tell him where to find her. I'm going to give you her address now, Jasper. But you cannot tell Edward until he has calmed down. I'm positive our phone lines will be tapped so Ed can monitor whether we are betraying him by speaking to Edward, and Edward cannot call here, especially not to yell at us about his mother. Do you understand?"
I stare at her blankly as she stuffs a piece of paper into my pocket. "Jasper, this is very important. If there wouldn't be consequences to myself, my husband, and Edward, none of this would have to happen this way, but this is how it has to be. Ed is a very powerful, very angry, very bigoted man, he will hurt his own family to satisfy his own need to control. Do you understand what I have told you?" she pleads desperately.
"Yes," I rasp.
"Good. Wait until the time is right, Jasper, you'll know when it is, you know him very well, and tell him everything I've told you. Tell him that I'm sorry, that I love him, and that I wish I could have told him sooner, but his safety is more important. There is nothing Ed can do now, as long as Edward doesn't point me out as the one who gave him the address."
I nod and she quickly mixes up some drinks. When we come back, Edward is watching me carefully, and when I try to change my expression into something more indifferent, he seems to grow more suspicious.
He pats Carlisle on the shoulder and makes his way over to me, sliding his hand in mine, squeezing as he gives me a questioning sideways glance. I try to smile, to reassure him, but I doubt it works well. He doesn't push for information, at least not yet, he just holds my hand as he says goodbye to his family. I admittedly do try to distance myself from them as they say their farewells, but Edward seems unwilling to let me leave his side. I just press myself close to him and remain quiet. The level of emotion in the room is high, but we all keep it together, though I know Esme and Edward are both probably struggling terribly with saying goodbye to each other.
"It's not like it's forever," Esme says brightly, wrapping her arms around both of us. "I'll see you both soon, and I'll think of you every day, and I love you both. Don't get into too much trouble with each other."
She has a very brave face on, but the wetness in her eyes gives way to just how much she is fighting to remain strong. I try once to pull my hand away from Edward's, but he holds fast, squeezing tighter, painfully so, and I give in, staying by his side.
There is an awkward silence, all of us just standing there after our goodbyes, all of us too afraid to move. Carlisle finally breaks the silence, clearing his throat before he says, "I'm sorry boys, but you have to leave before the first rounds are made. I believe I will be being checked upon in about three minutes."
Edward nods, quickly kissing Esme's cheek, then starts to back away, taking me with him. She backs away too, clasping onto Carlisle's hand and he grasps her's back, both of their knuckles turning white with the force they are holding onto each other with. Much like what I imagine Edward's and my hands look like.
There are final goodbyes and 'I love you's before Edward and I hastily make our exit. His hand only leaves mine to get in the car, then he is grasping onto it again for dear life.
"Baby, are you sure this is what you want?" I ask, so deathly afraid he's going to change his mind, and at the same time, terrified that he won't, and that he'll grow to resent me.
"I love you, Jasper, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he says, squeezing my hand and releasing a shaky breath. "This split from Carlisle and Esme is only temporary, what you and I have is forever. I can deal with not having them, as long as I have you, but I can't take it the other way around."
I raise his hand to my lips, kissing his knuckles once before I wrap my other hand around his, keeping his hand secure between mine. "You won't regret it," I promise.
He takes his eyes off the road for only a moment to meet my stare, and even if it's just a glance, it's intense, emotion, meaningful. "I know."
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